To wonder where you'd say this person is from

[ClickClop]

This is about my sons gf - she knows I'm posting and is ok with it.

Where would you say this person is "from"

She was born in Country A, this country gives passports to anyone born there, but neither of her parents are from there and she only lived there until she was 2, has a passport from this country

Mother is from Country B - lived there for 2 years when a child, has a passport from this country

Father is from Country C - lived there for 2 years when a child, has a passport for this country

Has been living in country D for 4 years since turning 18 - the longest she has lived in any country

The 12 unaccounted years of childhood were spent between 5 other countries 2-3 years in each.

She speaks 3 languages with similar prominence, if asked what her "mother tongue" was she would say I don't know, at home she spoke language 1 with one parent language 1 with the other and 3 was the language they spoke between them.

DH is adamant she is from country A, always tells people this.
I'm not sure this is the right choice and the girl herself just says European and answers the specifics if asked more

AIBU to want to know where most would say she is from?

Its more about her biological heritage than where she was born. That's usually what people identify with when they've moved around a lot.

I think it's up to her.

"From" is vague and meaningless. Your DH should be fine with specifics.

Her nationality is A, that is legally where she is from, where sge was born, where her passport is from. She has not lived anywhere else long enough to become a citizen presumably.
She could probably if she wished getc B & C passports/nationality.

She is currently "from" living in D.

If. it were me....I'd say "I was born in countryA, but I'm from all over really. Parents were from B&C, but the longest Ive spent any time was D!"

She had her heritage of B&C, but is from all over really!

Although i appreciate that it's very vague and first really answer you at all.

Also, yanbu

A

I wouldn’t count country A at all.
I wonder how her parents would answer this question. I would also think how long she lived where in her teen years and what language she was using and how it’s related together. You won’t get an answer based on one factor there .
I would say that she is from Europe and maybe focus on the region if it’s possible e.g she is from the south of Europe, depending where she lived longer .

There was a similar post to this one recently. Why exactly does it matter where she's from, to the point you have to post about it and your son is 'adamant' about it? Are you going to go back to her with MN's answers and instigate a big discussion about it 'well they say you're from..' You make her sound like an object to be studied and assessed. If she's fine with all that then good luck to her. She says she's European, not leaving it at that is just rude

Context is everything.
Neighbour asks about an accent then the answer is she has lived all over since she was a baby - that's what will affect your accent.

I was chatting to a friend/acquaintance once at uni. I had never noticed an accent and hadn't thought about where he was from. Suddenly he sounded very northern like me, so I asked.
Only he was mixed race, and assumed I was asking about that and if he was English....I wasn't I just wanted to know where in England his accent was from. Although I find peoples heritage and life story interesting if you aren't white or have an accent I imagine it can feel quite threatened to be asked

She has always had passports/citizenship of the other two - I believe they give it automatically to the children of citizens (her parents). However had she been born in most of Europe, she wouldn't have qualified for a passport for the country she was born in as they give passports only to children of citizens or children who have lived there for a set amount of time.
Canada is in the minority giving passports to any child born there.

Is it not odd that her mother, her father and herself each only spent their first two years of life in their birth country? Or are you just simplyfing it in your op? Personally I would say she has dual nationality, b and c, from her mother and father.

@Deadringer I think the OP is saying her son’s GF spent two years in each of her parents’ countries of origin while she was a child.

Oh thanks I must have misread, time for bed I think. 😴

I'm not sure what you're saying.

Her mother spent her entire childhood in Denmark, her father Switzerland. As adults they moved around both before and after children for work. Usually 2-3 years a place. This happened to be Canada when she was born, but she went on to live all over as did her parents? At some point they by coincidence ended up back in their birth countries but I don't think that was intentional?

All he would need to understand is she is from where she thinks she is from - he does not need to get anything else

Yes sorry I misunderstood. I would say she is half swiss half danish regardless of where she has lived but thats just my opinion.

I think in this sort of conversations people don’t mean “ what passport do you hold”. When asking “where are you from” they imply that you were not born in the UK and have spent most of your life elsewhere. They infer it from your accent and your look. That’s what OP’s neighbour meant. Whereas autistic people think a bit too literally so for OP’s husband it was a question about nationality therefore about passport and where GF was born.

This sounds like our family: DH one nationality, me one by birth and another acquired, kids both of our nationalities and we’ve lived in several countries. About the most confusing question anyone can ask us is “where are you from?” We try to streamline the answer but it isn’t always easy.

Born in country A and has passport from there = she is 'originally' a native of Country A, regardless of ethnic heritage.

I think the only countries that give passports to everyone born there are US and a good few other north and south American countries, and Fiji, Lesotho, and Tanzania. Ireland used to but doesn't any more.

I don't know why it's important to you to pin her down though.

She's from country A

I'd say she was 'originally Canadian with Swiss and Danish roots'.

Some people can’t fit neatly into a little box just because it’s easier for others if they do. Just accept that.

"I was born in Canada but grew up in Europe."

Or

"Europe."

I was born in one UK country but grew up in another. My mother is from a third non-UK country. My accent is very identifiable as being from the second country. I usually answer with "Originally Country A, but I grew up in Country B." Or if specifics are unimportant, I just say Country B.

Surely it isn't so much about where she is 'from' and a focus on the vocabulary of it all. Presumably she knows quite well what her ethnicity is by virtue of having parents and grandparents she's in contact with will know her heritage, and she knows where she was born. The fact that nowhere in particular feels like home to her is neither here nor there, neither is the fact she has no 'mother tongue', as she's multi-lingual, as you all are well aware. The phrase does not strictly apply to one language if a person is bilingual and those two languages were in-born. One's mother tongue is not necessarily the same as someone's 'first language'. There are nuances to these things that your DH can presumably go and look into if he's found himself fixated on it.

She may not 'mind' all of this discourse but I wonder if it is quite tiresome for her, I know I'd find it to be so as someone with a similar background (though not quite as varied) even if I did politely tolerate it if it were my PIL. Your DH really should take steps to stop speaking on her behalf about the matter, it is not a puzzle to be solved when you know exactly what her movements and heritage are nor is it for him to decide on it for her when there's no requirement for it.

If you or DH are asked where you are from do you answer where you currently live in the UK, where you each were born, or feel a need to include all other places you spent time? It just seems a bit of a hiding to nowhere.

yabu, it's not a straight 'country xyz' answer. And that is ok. Why does it bother you so much?