Guests and children’s bedtime

[Whatthefluffing]

If you’re at a friends house, you both have children of a similar age and it gets to the children’s bedtime, what’s the etiquette please?.

Im still wound up from an incident with friends last weekend, not sure if I or they were in the wrong.

Were you staying overnight? If not I’d have left and let them get theirs to bed. What happened?

You'd start to head on in order to get your child to bed and allow the host to do the same, unless otherwise specified by the host.

If the guest didn't have their child with them they should leave unless there was another parent in the house who could handle bedtime for that night allowing the host to continue hosting.

Personally when we've had guests round for dinner I prefer hosting at home so I can put ds down and then go back to my guest for tea and chat until a more grown up time. Dh or I will do bedtime depending on whether he or I is closer to the guests we have at the time.

I’m not sure if you mean staying or visiting for the night? If staying overnight I ask my friend when their DCs bedtime is and so far it’s always been within 30 minutes of mine so we put them to bed at the same time.
If I was visiting someone I’d expect to keep my DC up, maybe make them cosy on the sofa with a blanket or I’d plan to leave for bedtime

i made it clear that in half an hour my child would be going to bed. Took said child to bed, took a while to get them ready. We’d said goodnight to our friends downstairs. The children came up to say goodbye then mum then dad (not all together, so 3 interruptions in total). The children are primary school aged so not babies.

Not sure what the correct etiquette is in this situation?.

What happened - did your friend expect you to put their child to bed or something?

They should have left

They were not staying over. Just seen the responses where that was questioned

From the information you have given this sounds like a massive overreaction on your part.

What was the problem?

if it were me I would of just left, not then gone up one by one to say goodbye.

All similar aged children go to bed at the same time. As you’re staying at friends, this could be later than usual (as a treat).

I'd ask what their routine is and fit in with it. Assuming it's fairly similar if children are similar ages as you say.

If their children stay up much later than mine I'd let mine stay up later as a one-off. If theirs go much earlier I'd do everything to get mine ready downstairs and sneak them into bed later when others asleep.

We stay with friends and vice versa a lot. Never been any drama.

I don't understand the problem? What was it that upset you?

They were not staying over, they came for tea.

OK, that's quite different from what I took from your OP. Assumed it was everyone staying over.

In that case they were a bit daft and unthinking but hardly crime of the century.

You say “DC will go to bed in half an hour”.
They should say “okay we’ll get going then, bye”.

Or if they were staying later than your DC bedtime they should stay downstairs quietly until you reappear.

I’d be quite confused if visitors invited themselves upstairs repeatedly when I was trying to get a child ready for bed, which sounds like what happened?

If you’d said goodbye instead and expected them to leave they should have left. Who else was with them downstairs?

How rude not to leave. And how rude to come upstairs.

Sorry, confused. So were the friends visiting without their children, or did they have their children?

If without children, I presume they would entertain themselves for half an hour when I put the kids to bed.

Your op makes it sound like everyone is staying over. In which case you ask before bedtime what time their kids go up and hope to god it's as late as your own kids.

In your situation, it sounds like they were just trying to be polite. It's one night, it's annoying but doesn't really matter, does it?

Oh did they come to say goodbye because they were leaving? (Not because DC had gone to bed).

I suppose it’s a bit awkward that they were left downstairs and probably felt it was rude to just leave without saying bye, but they should have taken the hint and gone when you said DC would be going to bed. Or just called goodbye form downstairs.

Sounds mildly irritating although they had nice intentions. Especially at primary age o wouldn’t be overly bothered- my toddler would get overexcited and a bit confused if it was bedtime. My SIL has kids the same age as us isn’t good at taking the hint that we
want to end the evening- her kids have come up to chat to mine while they were in the bath which was meant to be a non subtle
hint. But it’s something we have more laughed about and thought of a way to handle it differently as we do like them!

im assuming your partner was still downstairs entertaining them and could have maybe helped manage it. If they weren’t then I am baffled why you didn’t get their coats, say bye and show them out before you went upstairs.

Blimey total overreacting and precious parenting

they had their children with them, single parent so no one else downstairs. I just think it’s weird to go to someone else’s bedroom uninvited especially when they are getting ready for bed.

Mildly annoying maybe but I'd have this long forgotten about within the hour.