Guests and children’s bedtime

[Whatthefluffing]

If you’re at a friends house, you both have children of a similar age and it gets to the children’s bedtime, what’s the etiquette please?.

Im still wound up from an incident with friends last weekend, not sure if I or they were in the wrong.

Nice drip feed about autism there. Why couldn't you let your kids stay up for one night? Put a film on in the kids room and let them stay up or all fall asleep and then let your friends (who aren't strangers here) and you carry on the night, but instead you left them downstairs to work out what you wanted them to do. I doubt they'd come back if you made it as obvious as you have in this thread how angry you were.

Overreaction.

I couldn't get wound up about it tbh. They came and said goodnight then went home, I'm not sure it's that big a deal that they did it separately.

OP it's really difficult when people say one thing and don't do it.
I totally get your confusion on what should you have done.

I think get your kid/s ready for bed then let them stay up one time.

Why is it a drip feed? Do you mention your diagnosis or health problems every time you post? Thought not , then why should the op?

@Maxus if op is asking for societal norm re bed times and having guests over maybe it would be helpful for know she has autism and that's why she got irrationally angry at her friends for not just fuxking off when she went upstairs to put her kid to bed...

Her diagnosis is not relivent. OP came on here to ask for advice like many of us do.

Don’t know why you’re getting a hard time on here, OP. They should have gone when the children went up, if not before. They were rude and YANBU. Worth being clearer with invitations next time and more assertive if people are outstaying their welcome.

In these situations I would get DS ready and then bring him back down to say goodnight to everyone, or get him to say goodnight before going up to get dressed for bed, it puts a full stop on it

You don’t need to know someone’s diagnosis to infer from a thread like this one that the OP struggles with social norms. It’s not a drip feed if it’s fairly obvious.

It's always a bit tricky when people won't leave and it's your kids bedtime. Not a problem now mine are older but a good way to get them to leave in addition to your pre- warning is to announce it's bedtime to your child, send them upstairs and say "I'll be up in a moment, I'll just see our guests out" then just stand up and approach the hallway / coat cupboard /front door saying something like "it's been so lovely having you over, thank you for coming". If they try to suggest waiting till you come back down just say your child needs a but of reassurance at bedtime so it would take too long.

I think your initial post was confusing but after reading more I think it was partly your fault
I think you should maybe have let dc up a bit later and seen them out before the bedtime I feel they probably were just sat downstairs wondering if you’d just be a couple of minutes than they would finish up and say bye . but then they sat waiting and waiting, for you to come back down again!
in future say “I’m putting dc to bed in half an hour and it usually takes a while with stories etc” “so I’ll see you out before, it’s been so lovely having you blah blah blah” then when the time comes say “dc it’s time for your bedtime I’m afraid so let’s see our guests out first” and show them the door!!
however I think also think them all coming upstairs is a bit rude and uncomfortable I understand that they should have just shouted bye we’re off upstairs
im guessing they could have just done that so walking up into the bedroom seems an intrusion of privacy
however I think you need to put it behind you and just deal with it differently next time

I shall approach it differently from now on and make things very clear to them. Lots of valid points. Thank you

If you'd said goodnight to the guests downstairs then it's really rude and odd for them to come wandering upstairs afterwards. That's not even a hint it's an obvious goodbye to the person going to bed.

I actually think you were rude to leave them downstairs, unsure of what to do.

You should have seen them into the car- especially a single parent with 2 kids already in their pyjamas and presumably in the dark??

'I think mine probably need to go to bed now, but I'll help you get yours into the car'

She’s not the single parent, I am.

Oh ok, sorry. Then totally reasonable to say, 'are you ok to let yourselves out? It's been so nice to see you. Will text you later'

It amazes me how some people are a) so lacking in manners, b) blind to anything other than their own convenience and c) don't pick up on obvious "thanks for coming, it's time for you to leave" cues.

I have this with my in laws often. Drives me crazy. If you're in someone else's house with kids the same age as kids who live there, when it's clear the household kids are going to bed, you say thanks, goodnight, leave you to it and leave. Depending on the age of the kids, it may be appropriate to not be there to disrupt bedtime anyway. Obviously sometimes kids stay up late, but sometimes they don't. Don't inflict your kids' late bedtimes on your host, especially if they act up when they're tired.

Just because the kids are going to bed doesn't mean its the end of the evening. This needs to be discussed at the start so everyone knows. In my friendship group, kids get put to bed and the adults carry on their evening