Guests and children’s bedtime

[Whatthefluffing]

If you’re at a friends house, you both have children of a similar age and it gets to the children’s bedtime, what’s the etiquette please?.

Im still wound up from an incident with friends last weekend, not sure if I or they were in the wrong.

Honestly I think it's more rude to leave someone sat downstairs in your house expecting them to see themselves out unless you have that sort of close relationship, in which case it wouldn't bother me in the slightest that they came up to say goodnight/goodbye.

If you're more formal then formally end the evening and see your guests out of the door.

So you said you were putting your child to bed and you expected them to go home

Instead they came up one by one to say night to your child

Then went back and stayed downstairs while waiting for you ?

You were rude to leave your guests to put your child to bed, especially if it was likely that they were leaving shortly as not staying over. So they were just downstairs twiddling their thumbs not knowing when you were going to reappear?

Of course it would have been more rude for them to leave without saying goodbye than what they did

Hang on. They were going home? So you just fucked off upstairs and expected them to let themselves out without saying goodbye? They probably thought you were really odd.

You left them downstairs while you put your child to bed? Do you see that this is quite odd?

yep, I see how
it comes across, sometimes you just need the bloody obvious pointed out. I shall make it clear next time, and I appreciate I was rude-inadvertently

Are you going to apologise to your guests? What a way to make them feel unwelcome. I wouldn’t be rushing back to your house as I would feel that my visit is an inconvenience

I think you’re being a bit precious to write a whole thread about this. Sure, I would feel mildly irritated that they didn’t get the hint to leave. But they’re friends, presumably they didn’t have any ill intentions by going up to say goodbye to your child?

I shall indeed be apologising. I was wrong

Why is this still irritating you after a week? Bit of a different etiquette, no malice intended, forget it?

Yes, you should have said 'right, it's DC's bedtime now so shall we call it a night?' Then friend says OK and packs up and leaves. If she doesn't you say 'is that OK?' or whatever you need to say to see her and her children out.

If you just said 'It's DCs bedtime so I'll just put them to bed' then you weren't clear enough - although it should have been obvious,

I would have let mine stay up and play until the friends left, it doesn’t hurt on the odd occasion. Maybe your friends felt it was a hint for them to go

Can I clarify did you genuinely think they’d just go without saying goodbye whilst you were upstairs?

Personally I think your guest was a bit rude. If someone mentions their child’s bedtime and then Starts bedtime I would take the hint and say my goodbyes and go. Op maybe you’ll have to be blunter next item, say goodbye properly. “Anyway I’ve got to put Bill to bed now, so I will have to say my goodbyes. Give me a text to let me know you’re home safe. It’s be lovely seeing you both”

However if they hadn’t left I don’t think I’d have started my child’s bedtime. We’re the just going to hang about down stairs or leave while you’re upstairs? That just feels awkward.

Yes I thought they’d leave as their children
were ready for bed and they’d been
saying they were leaving for some time

This 100%

I agree with my friend in advance - if either of us are interrupting bedtime then either we make the other person a part of bedtime or they wait downstairs with a drink until bedtime is complete?

kids wouldn’t be going to bed if we had guests downstairs

they always go to bed when the guests leave

never done it any other way

We would have set all the kids up in pjs with blankets and a film in the living room while adults chat at the dining table then guest leave, carrying dc, and I’d carry my dc up to bed.

we didn’t do it often but it meant we’d have a whole evening with friends and dc had a treat. As they got older, dd1&3 would stay up but dd2 would take herself to bed (she loves her sleep).

I love this idea, I think next time we could
get them all ready and the adults carry on the evening.

I think you need to lighten up a bit, doesn’t seem like a big deal (except for the state of my upstairs right now, have loads of boxes down from the loft looking for Christmas decorations as we moved in this spring).

This. Especially as it was a weekend. If it was a really big deal you should have told your guests what time they needed to have departed by.

You were very rude in this situation.

There is no “etiquette” really. Everyone is different. People have different kind of relationships and boundaries.

I have a really close friend who has 2 primary/nursery aged children. Her children call me “Aunty Aphrodite” and I have many a times helped out at bed and bath time and tucked them in whilst their mum has been cooking/hosting or doing something else down stairs.

If you’re uncomfortable with your guests being upstairs or around during bedtime then make that clear and ask them to leave.

Your drip feeding. Did you stay upstairs? Or they went upstairs to say goodbye to your child? Sounds like made it awkward for them because you didn't come back down to send them off. I would have gone up too.