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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think blocking is childish?

109 replies

TheAlchemistElixa · 24/11/2023 23:44

I’m consistently surprised (and sometimes a bit appalled) at how many threads here are answered with “just block!”, “block and delete” even over the most innocuous friendship issues, or a man not having been in touch for a mere week etc.

I understand cutting out someone completely irrevocably toxic, abusive or harassing…but since when did we all decide that we just cover our ears and close our eyes and shout “lallalala, I can’t hear you!” like a six year old child at all our minor issues?

id be absolutely devastated if someone just blocked me for an infraction that could and should have been talked about instead.

Has it really become ok to just stop communicating with someone rather than having tricky conversations? have the people advising others to just block and delete actually done it to someone themselves, or is it just something they say to other people to do because it seems an easy solution?

I’m mystified by it.

OP posts:
Ywlala92 · 24/11/2023 23:49

I don't think it's about avoiding tricky conversations, but more if you truly won't be able to forgive someone or want rid of them, just blocking is easier than some pissy convo to put everyone in bad form that'll result in the same way. I don't actually know of anyone who has blocked or been blocked for something minor

Saschka · 24/11/2023 23:53

Big difference between blocking somebody creepy on OLD that you’ve never even met, and blocking your sister or best friend of 20 years over a comment they made that landed badly.

Most of the comments on here are referring to the first scenario, not the second. People post on here about their friends blocking them over nothing, but not many people advise posters to block friends and family.

Original poster
TheAlchemistElixa · 25/11/2023 23:50

Saschka · 24/11/2023 23:53

Big difference between blocking somebody creepy on OLD that you’ve never even met, and blocking your sister or best friend of 20 years over a comment they made that landed badly.

Most of the comments on here are referring to the first scenario, not the second. People post on here about their friends blocking them over nothing, but not many people advise posters to block friends and family.

Well I disagree actually. It’s precisely the massive number of comments I’ve seen advising blocking friends and family that prompted my thread. It seems to be many people’s default reaction/advice which is what’s shocked me so much!

OP posts:
TheresaCrowd · 25/11/2023 23:57

I've never seen people advising blocking over innocuous friendship issues.

Online dating, yes.

GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 25/11/2023 23:58

Yanbu! It's so tacky and embarrassing when people block ex's, looks a bit unhinged. My friend does this and thinks it's a power move but she just looks nuts lol

Aquamarine1029 · 26/11/2023 00:00

I've never seen posts where people recommend blocking someone significant over trivial matters. I think you're exaggerating.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/11/2023 00:02

GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 25/11/2023 23:58

Yanbu! It's so tacky and embarrassing when people block ex's, looks a bit unhinged. My friend does this and thinks it's a power move but she just looks nuts lol

What's the problem with blocking an ex if you no longer wish to communicate with them? I fail to see the issue.

Fairygoblin · 26/11/2023 00:07

YADNBU It's the equivalent of flouncing which is overly dramatic. There's people I've dropped from my life with good reason but have never felt the urge to 'block' ceremoniously. And yes OP you are right that many posters suggest blocking friends and family over relatively trivial issues.

Fabellini · 26/11/2023 00:15

I have blocked some people (adult dsd) for a short amount of time after there’s been an issue.
They are quite argumentative and confrontational, so I tend to leave them shouting into the wind and then unblock after a couple of days when they’ve calmed down.
It took me quite a long time to realise this was the most effective way of dealing with them and avoiding escalating the situation.
I don’t do it with anyone else, primarily because I don’t normally argue with people I’m fond of, but also because with pretty much everyone else, I can have a calm conversation about any kind of difference of opinion without it descending into a bust up.

pocketblocket · 26/11/2023 00:34

I have been known to block those kind of inconsistent people who go quiet/cold for months and months and months on end. Then reappear, feign interest and disappear again.

I take friendships as I find them, and for me that's reciprocal. If you're someone who never makes the effort to contact me first, often leaves me on read, then pops up out of the blue after a year because you want something and you think that that's perfectly respectful then yes, you might find that I have blocked you.

Suits me.

R4R1 · 26/11/2023 00:41

My wife and I block each other on a weekly basis.

AlltheFs · 26/11/2023 00:46

I block frequently- my MIL is currently blocked. We have always had a difficult relationship and DH is very low contact with her as she’s a narcissist and was a fairly appalling parent. She did something this year to DH that is unforgivable. I blocked and deleted her so that I can’t engage with her as I know that this time I will lose my shit and I don’t want to. I just want to pretend she doesn’t exist.

I also blocked my batshit anti vax cousin and wife during Covid. I just couldn’t stand to be associated with them and the absolute bilge they posted. They live in Australia anyway and we aren’t close but I do not want them in my life. Unblocked I wouldn’t be able to stop myself rising to their nonsense. Blocked on all channels I can be blissfully unaware of their existence.

ManchesterLu · 26/11/2023 00:48

Sometimes I decide life's too short, and my peace of mind is too important. Blocking when you're sure somebody serves no further purpose in your life can be brilliantly freeing.

Dontcallmescarface · 26/11/2023 00:49

I have blocked both my siblings at the moment. They have had some sort of disagreement and, despite me saying I don't want to get involved, they have both sent me messages bitching about each other. It's the closest thing I can get to banging their heads together. I'll give it a week or so then unblock them.

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 26/11/2023 00:52

I only block people who I never want to hear from again, that's what it was invented for.

herownworstenemy · 26/11/2023 01:18

YABU. Its my phone, my computer, if I don't want someone intruding on my life then blocking ensures this without drama or any anxiety that the phone ringing or pinging might be them, and I can relax and go about life undisturbed. By all means don't block and get bogged down in the back and forth of calls and messages if you want, but for those of us who grew up before mobile phones when we weren't instantly and permanently contactable blocking is freedom from drama, it doesn't add to it quite the opposite.

Creepy2023 · 26/11/2023 01:22

I have an ex with BPD who blocks myself, close friends and family every few days on and off during symptoms. Probably blocked me at least 70 times during the three year relationship.

I never used to block people, though blocked a few men last spring and found it gave a firm boundary. Never unblocked.

I mean married coworkers who tried it on etc. I felt zero guilt.

MintGreenPolo · 26/11/2023 01:23

I don’t agree. I blocked my ex as he doesn’t see our children and will often message me at 2/3/4/5am random messages (unrelated to them) so blocked.

shropshire11 · 26/11/2023 01:27

Agree It’s one thing to cut yourself off from threatening people, but to use it as a first resort simply to assert control over others - to permanently remove their right to reply - is immature.

MidnightOnceMore · 26/11/2023 01:31

I think it is fine to block people if them contacting you is causing stress.

These days we are so bloody contactable, it is draining. Therefore you have to be able to block/mute/switch things off.

I think those who don't get this are either absolute doormats/saints or have no experience of what it is like to receive too much unhealthy contact from difficult people.

That said, I also don't answer the door Grin

Coolstorysis · 26/11/2023 01:32

Black mirror foresaw this with White Christmas, actually it foresaw a lot of things, must rewatch lol

It's just a sign of the times, there is a cohort of people 100% involved and only board with mainstream media and the current "thing" another one utterly opposed to that and most people in the middle who just muddle through.

Society has become utterly divided and atomised, some would say that's by design.

JFT · 26/11/2023 01:40

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 26/11/2023 00:52

I only block people who I never want to hear from again, that's what it was invented for.

Same here. And I sometimes say why as kindly as I can and other times let it fizzle out then block because I don't want to hear again from someone.

I've been ghosted tho by people I was in intimate relationships with, twice now, over the last 5 years and that was really painful. I would never ghost someone in those circs and was shocked if they had an issue so serious they were contemplating ending the friendship that they would have discussed it. Also why they didn't just pull back a bit and give breathing space if they had wanted. V odd ghosting is.

hotcandle · 26/11/2023 01:41

I disagree. I have several people blocked on social media, WhatsApp and messages. Sometimes for the smallest of reasons.

The way I think of it is, it's my phone and my social media. I don't have to receive anyone's messages or calls and frankly I don't worry one jot about the other person's right to reply or whether or not they know they're blocked.

I also mute a lot of people on Instagram and Facebook that I can't unfriend for other reasons. In a world where I'm so easily contactable and everyone's lives are flashing up on screen, it's refreshing to put a impenetrable barrier up when I want too.

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/11/2023 01:45

If you are completely done with someone and no longer want them in your life, why would you leave a way open for them to contact you? That seems kind of pointless because it means you might have to waste time on them again in the future.

aretred · 26/11/2023 01:54

I think blocking is sensible and a good way to assert your boundaries. Any individual should be able to control who contacts them and choose not to be contacted if they wish, regardless of their relationship. Nobody has the right to your time, whoever they are.

Personally I tend to mute rather than block, as I am never sure if others can see whether I've blocked or not, but I'm never tempted to respond and so I'm able to still stop contact without needing to block. But it's a useful tool for those who would just end up in conflict because they can't stop themselves replying.