To think blocking is childish?

[TheAlchemistElixa]

I’m consistently surprised (and sometimes a bit appalled) at how many threads here are answered with “just block!”, “block and delete” even over the most innocuous friendship issues, or a man not having been in touch for a mere week etc.

I understand cutting out someone completely irrevocably toxic, abusive or harassing…but since when did we all decide that we just cover our ears and close our eyes and shout “lallalala, I can’t hear you!” like a six year old child at all our minor issues?

id be absolutely devastated if someone just blocked me for an infraction that could and should have been talked about instead.

Has it really become ok to just stop communicating with someone rather than having tricky conversations? have the people advising others to just block and delete actually done it to someone themselves, or is it just something they say to other people to do because it seems an easy solution?

I’m mystified by it.

YABU

Blocking is just about self preservation and a response to unwanted contact.

I am old enough to have had a social life before mobile phones/internet. If you didn't want to hear from someone, you just didn't answer their calls (trickier before caller display!) and eventually they would get the message and fuck off.

I don't think twice about blocking toxic ex, the plumber who couldn't accept I didn't want a date, an ex friend who was just an emotional vampire. Why would I?

To me it's childish to keep entertaining people you would rather avoid as it smacks of poor boundaries.

No, I don't think that ensuring someone has no access to my online life is remotely childish.

It's the opposite of flouncing IMHO.

You are exaggerating hugely. I have never seen it used in the way that you describe.

“block and delete” has never been used for family members or long standing friends who you are pissed off. That’s “go NC”.

so yeah- YABU because your post’s basis is completely untrue

Block and delete is for toxic exs and OLD situationships that aren’t going anywhere, and you don’t want the agg of them popping up for a shag 2 months down the line with their bullshit. Is also a good way method of invoking a physical boundary. This is particularly important if you have low self esteem or pickme tendencies and literally can’t be trusted, or clown yourself pretending you need closure when you are just hoping he changes his mind. Nothing childish about it.

OP, I wholeheartedly agree! I once posted a similar thread and got ripped, though, so I'm not surprised by the YABUs on here.

I completely agree OP. There’s absolutely a place for blocking: if someone has been abusive or is harassing you or has been incredibly unkind.

But you do quite routinely see people on here advising posters to block friends who have stood them up for a lunch or who don’t agree with their politics.

It’s very childish but also unbelievably self destructive. If you actually blocked someone because they had missed a couple of nights out you would come across as unhinged. It’s also bad for people’s communication skills and basic resilience to make them feel it’s acceptable to digitally storm off every time they have a difference of opinion. Grown up friendships can accommodate a bit of wear and tear, there’s simply nothing to be gained by this flouncing.

I'm in a WhatsApp group of "friends" and we meet up at least once a year if we can. After the last such meet up one member deleted and blocked me on facebook, and I really have no idea why. She continues to engage with me in the WhatsApp group (?!?!) but has chosen to ignore my direct question re whether she had deleted her facebook account. She is still active on FB (I have an Admin account for a group I am in so could see her profile).

What will happen at our next get together remains to be seen - will she offer to make everyone else a cup of tea but not me; will she buy everyone else a glass of wine, but not me; will she hug and kiss everyone else as they arrive, but not me.......

If she has an issue with something I've done or said then that's fine, but I'd rather she spoke to me about it. And most certainly didn't try and act as if nothing was wrong within the WhatsApp group. Just bizarre and childish.

@Thepeopleversuswork exactly this!

Sometimes, someone does something that on the face of it seems really small and petty. However, it’s actually just the straw that broke the camel’s back and you have to walk away.

I have 71 people blocked on whatsapp at the moment.

Completely agree with you.

You may not like the other person, but it is cruel to block without explanation, especially when the straw that broke the camel’s back was something petty.

Can nobody here remember what it was like in school when your friend suddenly stopped talking to you for seemingly no reason and blanked you when you asked?

… or is it that we remember all to well, and that’s why we do it?

Absolutely agree.

I have only ever blocked spammers, never anyone I actually know. Partly because I haven't experienced anyone who has been so persistently unpleasant to me that I have felt the need to block them, and partly and probably mainly, because I am too curious about that people are writing to me to do it. I do however mute people from time to time on FB and I did set up a folder on my mobile for my annoying neighbour's tedious texts. If people annoy me, I just stop writing to them, and then they generally stop writing to me. No blocking is necessary.

@TheAlchemistElixa I wish I could live your life. Where events aren't so traumatic that you don't have to cut people off and hide for your own wellbeing and protection.

Good for you. Back to the castle you go. Goodbyeeeee!

Possibly. If someone is being abusive, block them straight away.

But I had a friend block me not too long ago and it was just confusing. I had to find out from a mutual friend that I'd been doing something that annoyed this person and they'd decided enough was enough. Thing is, I had no idea that I had been annoying them (it was a really minor thing, but recurring) and if they'd just said something I could have apologised and stopped it.

If you argue with someone and decide to end a friendship over it at least the other person knows why. Sudden blocks are much worse.

The funny part? The person who blocked me had previously been blocked by someone else and ranted to me about how immature and unfair it was and how they'd never do it, they'd talk out their problems like an adult. Guess not.

They go to a blocked message folder on android. I can still see recieved block texts if I check it.

That was a little rude and unnecessary. I think it was clear from my post that those kind of scenarios are understood, and therefore not the ones I’m talking about.

This is exactly the kind of scenario I’m thinking of. I find it bizarre. And it must be so confusing and hurtful to be on the receiving end of it! It does sound like you might be better out of that friendship, though. But I’m sorry it happened.

I suppose none of us can know it it might happen to us or not. And if it will be justified or not!

I've blocked all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. Blocked my cousin last week, he left a nasty remark on a fb post I'd shared. It's not 'flouncing', it's a case of not having patience for other people's nonsense.

I agree sometimes, op. There was a thread the other day where the guy hadn’t been in touch much over a week and people were telling OP to block. Seems completely pointless and self-defeating and a bit like the awful Rules that were popular 20 years ago which encouraged women to play stupid games.

OTOH blocking seems reasonable for creeps and harassers and justifiable if someone is repeatedly failing to stop sleeping with a toxic ex.

Well the other numerous posters on this thread who have seen the same thing as I posted about - or even directly experienced it themselves - would show that that’s not true.

People say it and so it all the time on here, often for the most spurious of reasons.

I agree with blocking in this scenario. In my experience they'll randomly message out of the blue weeks or months later if you don't, as if nothing happened.

I don’t even care if that’s true or not, it made me laugh out loud! Bloody brilliant! 😂

I have blocked MIL on occasion when she called, & called& called and would not take no for an answer , when I was working. She could still leave messages, but I did not have to explain, again, why I could not take her shopping right there, right then.
I was not flouncing, I was doing something else. It’s a handy feature, not a weapon.