To think blocking is childish?

[TheAlchemistElixa]

I’m consistently surprised (and sometimes a bit appalled) at how many threads here are answered with “just block!”, “block and delete” even over the most innocuous friendship issues, or a man not having been in touch for a mere week etc.

I understand cutting out someone completely irrevocably toxic, abusive or harassing…but since when did we all decide that we just cover our ears and close our eyes and shout “lallalala, I can’t hear you!” like a six year old child at all our minor issues?

id be absolutely devastated if someone just blocked me for an infraction that could and should have been talked about instead.

Has it really become ok to just stop communicating with someone rather than having tricky conversations? have the people advising others to just block and delete actually done it to someone themselves, or is it just something they say to other people to do because it seems an easy solution?

I’m mystified by it.

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I sometimes think fondly of the days of yore in which one could stop contact with an ex-partner, or a former friend who's done something unforgivable by just... living and avoiding the odd call (on the landline). It was also easier to deal with those days in which it felt very tempting to reach out to an ex-partner in a moment of weakness a week after a difficult breakup. People had to call you or go to your home/work/school to meet you so it was easier to avoid them. It was easier to avoid people who kept pushing for contact when you had already told them you didn't wish to talk to them. Not so easy to deal with many situations when everyone is on Instagram, Facebook, Whats app, etc.

I see quite a few people suggest it for interactions with people you have no real relationship with (OLD, or school mum you talk to in passing, etc.) who have stepped out of line, and for family and friends where it’s an ongoing difficult relationship that doesn’t seem to be getting any better and a series of nasty/inappropriate messages. But (other than the occasional oddball, who you’ll always get on the Internet, and friends who say the wrong thing when OP’s had a miscarriage), I don’t really see it suggested for good relationships where one thing has gone wrong in a way that’s out of character.

It does all seem a bit odd to me. The only people I’ve ever blocked are spammers. I don’t know if that’s because I’m lucky in who I meet (I don’t OLD), if I give off vibes that somehow discourage poor comments, or if I have good communication skills and/or a really thick skin. I am happy to have a clear conversation, verging on the blunt if less direct communication isn’t picked up on, but that is so vanishingly rare I can’t remember the last time it happened. I am always a bit surprised by the drama some people have to put up with.

See, that’s one of the examples I find difficult to understand. You haven’t fallen out with either of your siblings, yet you’ve used blocking as a way to silence both of them in your life - presumably without them knowing?&

so they are left just shouting into the wind (which I understand is your intention) when they are trying to get some sort of support/help/understanding/backup from you about an issue which is tricky for them.

While I absolutely think you’re right to not want to be involved, and while I hear you that you’ve told them this and they are still trying to involve you, I just can’t comprehend wanting to “mute” anyone I care about, however annoying they might be. I expect they might find it very hurtful, too? I would if it were me.

Also, what if they want to get in touch with you about something non-drama related? You’d presumably miss that message as well, and they wouldn’t know why.

Other people’s drama can be really draining and pointless, I do understand your reasons for wanting no part of it, but I can’t make that leap to understand blocking family like that. Sorry.

But in those instances where you just let something fizzle and then blocked rather than explaining….isn’t that just the ghosting that you have found so hurtful to be on the receiving end yourself? It’s certainly a version of it.

The daft thing is, blocking someone doesn't have the desired effect. They want the enemy to realise their calls and texts are blocked but when you text a blocked number (at least on android) it just sends the message into a void so you never get the 'can't send' or 'blocked' message anyway. Your enemy will have no idea about your silly power move.

We may all be blocked by someone and never realise it, we may just assume they're not picking up the phone as they're busy!

What are you on about? There is no blocked message. It’s bloody obvious if you are blocked on Whatsapp, but anyone still in the dark ages and using text you can still see if messages were delivered on either platform and calls are obvious too as the way they go to voicemail. I also block on socials so it’s a complete blocking on all channels.

But I don’t give a shit if MIL knows I have blocked her or not. I block and delete her so I can’t contact her primarily, but also so I don’t see her crappy messages. Blocking very much has the desired effect!

If support/help/understanding/backup was needed then they would get that, but it isn't. It is literally both of them saying how horrible the other is and expecting me to take their side, which after 4 days of that nonsense (and me telling them it was nonsense), I said I wasn't going to listen to it anymore and that they can sort it out between themselves and if they continued to carry on trying to drag me into it then I would block the pair of them . They carried on involving me, so I've blocked them both. They both have partners and 1 of them has adult DC so if there was anything I needed to know then either their DP/DW or DC would have been in touch.

Oh and they never get in touch unless it is drama related.

I do wonder when I read those threads if everyone is blocking people in reality. If so it’s quite far from world where I’ve never been blocked or considered blocking anyone, ever.

I block spammers. Apart from that I have only ever blocked one extremely toxic woman who I had come to know via my adult DD. It is the mother of a close friend of DD's, who I also sort of knew.

This woman had turned very toxic and abusive on both DD and I, and took to phoning us at home to insult us and dole out her bilge. Blocked, and will never be unblocked as far as I am concerned.

Blocking has its uses. It is a last resort for me, but has been very effective. It's a tool I will use rarely but wouldn't want to be without.

You can't imagine it because you've never been subjected to the same level of bat shittery as others on here. If everyone behaved appropriately, could resolve conflict, understood and respected other people's boundaries then blocking wouldn't be necessary.

I've blocked an ex who really hurt me. Not for him though - for me. I wanted to remove the temptation to spy and move on.

I've only blocked one person, but she was/is truly toxic and her aggressive communications made me very stressed and uncomfortable. I still see her regularly but we don't speak, which is far better all round.

I’ve blocked a couple of people in the past but only when it was really needed (an abusive narcissistic ex bf who wouldn’t leave me alone and a threatening family member who would get drunk and text abuse to us in the night).

I don’t mind admitting that someone blocked me this week (explained in my recent post on “parents”). It was a little frustrating because I didn’t get to respond to an abusive message from them but, ultimately, they look incredibly childish and it is a bit of a relief to have an excuse not to engage with them anymore. I’ve been purposefully avoiding this woman for the last 6-12 months so, although I unfortunately will see her at school pick-ups etc, I have an excuse not to engage with her.

She’s a very needy person so it’ll be interesting to see what happens over the next few years as her message and behaviour (witnessed by half the school parents) was incredibly offensive and our children will potentially (We’re hoping to move) be at a very small village school together for the next 5 years.

I have blocked -

Ex-fiancé who really messed me around and hurt me. He kept trying to be 'friendly' and then started messing with my head saying he still loved me, etc. For my own sanity, I needed to be sure I wouldn't keep receiving random messages from him.

Former 'friend' who always had some drama and wanted help but it was very one-sided and they never asked me about my life.

My in-laws. Long story but basically two of them started a massive argument with my DH over something stupid last year while we were going through a stressful time (ectopic pregnancy). The rest of them all gossip, it's like living in Eastenders and very enmeshed. DH is supportive of me doing this - I just can't have them in my space, looking at my social media etc (there's a lot more to the story).

In short, I block people when interacting with them causes me a lot of stress.

Of course it has the desired effect. Whatever message the blocked person sends isn't delivered. That's the whole point.

Who cares whether the person doesn't realise their blocked? They can send all the messages they want, the receiver doesn't have to deal with them.

Reasons I would block:
Stop me messaging someone toxic I want to cut out of my life
Stop someone who I no longer want in my life contacting me

Reasons I personally wouldn't block:
Havjng a tiff and want to piss someone off / let them cook down, knowing I will in the near future unblock. I would just mute the convo for that and approach it when I'm ready.

Not in my case no. I was in fully engaged relationships with these two people I mention and they switched and ghosted. Both of them were quite unstable and highly narc, I think they did a Narc silent treatment on me, unsure. But it was painful and hurtful at the time.

It's absolutely pathetic. I was married for 20 years when my husband ran off with another woman, I did everything for him because he was always out of work, gave him a home, took care of him. We were so close.
When he went, very suddenly without any warning, he blocked me on everything and destroyed all evidence of our relationship so mutual friends told me including wedding photos, events we went to, special times. He blocked me 7 years ago and I haven't heard from him since. Why? Surely our shared experiences meant something? Apparently not.
I'm disgusted with him, he should know better at his age. I would be content with being distant friends, I had no beef with him but no I've just been deleted out of his life.
It's a vile and sick thing to do.
Unless of course you have been abused or stalked or something.

I’m torn. On one hand, I see posts on here from people who’ve tried to sort out a minor argument only to find they’ve been blocked and I think “FFS, bloody drama queens”. It’s a move people make to get noticed.

On the other hand, I’m very glad the technology exists. In the days of landlines only, it would have been a nightmare if I’d had to stop someone from trying to contact me. Essentially you had to prove you were getting nuisance calls, and even then the solution was likely to be a number change. When a now very much ex-friend behaved in a way I knew I could never forgive, it was very liberating to press a few buttons and know it was over. (Getting her to stop pestering mutual friends and acquaintances was a lot harder, but that’s a whole other issue!)

The daft thing is, blocking someone doesn't have the desired effect. They want the enemy to realise their calls and texts are blocked but when you text a blocked number (at least on android) it just sends the message into a void so you never get the 'can't send' or 'blocked' message anyway. Your enemy will have no idea about your silly power move.

It’s not a power move it’s a self preservation move - why should the receiver have to read messages they don’t want and didn’t ask for and are likely to me horrid anyway?

Exactly. Blocking someone isn't a "power move." It's about making the decision to remove an unwanted person from your life. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I don't want their toxic bullshit in my life. With a simple tap of a button, any drama and unwanted nonsense disappears. More women should block unnecessary, negative people from their lives, in my opinion. Far too many people keep allowing themselves to be distressed and burdened by toxic people just for the sake of being "nice."

After my first ex dumped me (the day after he said he loved me and we were informally engaged) I eventually couldn’t stand seeing him on my social media so I blocked him after I think three months of break-up. Five year relationship and he’d cheated.
I then got blocked by my third ex so he could get off with one of my best friends without me knowing. He dumped me after two years in the middle of a conversation by ringing off. Never heard from him again. THAT was childish.
I generally think as long as you give good warning that it might happen, it’s an acceptable final outcome for really unbearable behaviour, when you may need to protect yourself as well. Ghosting on the other hand is just immature, hurtful and wrong.

The daft thing is, blocking someone doesn't have the desired effect. They want the enemy to realise their calls and texts are blocked but when you text a blocked number (at least on android) it just sends the message into a void so you never get the 'can't send' or 'blocked' message anyway. Your enemy will have no idea about your silly power move.

It had the desired effect for me...I'm no longer "piggy-in-the-middle" in their ridiculous spat. They know they are blocked because the last message I sent either of them was "that's it I'm blocking the pair of you as I can't be doing with either of you right now". Also they are not my "enemies" they are 2 people I love dearly, but don't like ATM.

I don’t see what’s ’unhinged’ or ‘nuts’ about blocking an ex- it just seems practical to me! Theyre no longer part of your life, usually for good reason- why not block
them?