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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to spend the same amount on presents

84 replies

Natspenc · 23/11/2023 09:51

So SIL now has 3 kids and we have 2. She wants us all to spend £15 on each kid but as she now has 3 I want to split it evenly and spend £10 on each of hers.
husband thinks I’m being rude and tight but I don’t see why we should be spending £15 more than her forever.
AIBU? Or should we spend the same amount?

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/11/2023 09:53

The true Grinch op...

Wishimaywishimight · 23/11/2023 09:54

It's a lot of fuss to make over £15 and it's hardly "forever" is it? I couldn't be arsed making an issue over this. I do think you sound a bit stingy, not to mention petty.

DGPP · 23/11/2023 09:54

My god, don’t be horrible. £15 per child won’t exactly get them much anyway. Your husband is right

SprogTakesAQuarry · 23/11/2023 09:54

Is it the money or the principle that concerns you?

Wahwoo · 23/11/2023 09:55

Don’t be petty.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 23/11/2023 09:56

Why are you even discussing this? Talk about Christmas spirit 🙄😆

PippyLongTits · 23/11/2023 09:56

Spend what you can afford. Give yourselves a range (£10-15) not a specific amount to the penny.

Middleagedmeangirls · 23/11/2023 09:56

When things that are meant to be gifts instead become transactions where groups or individuals swap goods they think are of equal value they stop becoming presents and become trading.

This is so against the spirit of Christmas that I think you should, as a family, rethink giving gifts at all.

LumpyPumpkin · 23/11/2023 09:56

I wouldn't bother ever spending any money on gifts on each other again if this is how you feel about it. You've got the spirit of gift giving all wrong. Absolute misery.

What would your thoughts be if your sister in law had no kids and she said she was never buying your children anything because she doesn't want to spend £30 more than you forever?

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/11/2023 09:57

Meany

Iwannaliveinstarshollow · 23/11/2023 09:57

Sorry OP, but that is full on Scrooge.

It's not the kids fault they have more siblings than your children do. All they will see is that auntie and uncle Natspenc aren't as generous as their own parents. I think it's really poor behaviour for the sake of a few quid.

user1492757084 · 23/11/2023 09:59

Fifteen per person is what I would do.

For next year you might like to stick with the limit and have each child draw a name out of a hat and have each child purchase one gift for one other.
Or all relatives pool their gift money towards one gift for each child.

It is stingy to cut back and have some children getting better presents.

KatBurglar · 23/11/2023 10:01

What a depressing and begrudging mindset you have, @Natspenc.

nancy75 · 23/11/2023 10:01

If you didn’t have kids would their kids get nothing?

Rugbee · 23/11/2023 10:01

Ah the Christmas spirit is alive and well

sollenwir · 23/11/2023 10:02

Is this a reverse?
As others have said, buy them all something within the 10-15 range, that won't get much anyway these days.

KinS24 · 23/11/2023 10:02

Children are individuals. Not part of a set. You have an individual relationship with each child as their aunt. Same as your sister does with yours. YABU

EleMar · 23/11/2023 10:03

DH and I have only started to think about TTC - there was a strong possibility of us being child free. Husband has 3 nephews / nieces - so for the past 10 years we have been giving birthday presents and Christmas presents to all 3 (plus little gifts when visiting, or Easter eggs etc.). Didn't cross my mind not to just because we don't have kids (obviously if money was tight we might have considered a different approach but not because we don't have kids ourselves)

Conkersinautumn · 23/11/2023 10:04

I mean, she could have more kids!. They are individuals and you should treat your niblibgs fairly BUT I do think you can set your own budget, there's no need to 'match' those in the family.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 23/11/2023 10:05

This has to be a reverse.
I have 3, DSis1 has 4, DSis2 has 2 and Dbro has none. Dbro still buys for all 9!

Alohapotato · 23/11/2023 10:05

It's just 15£ once a year... tell me you are cheap without telling me.

myotherkidisacassowary · 23/11/2023 10:05

Who cares, it’s £15. Unless that’s unaffordable for you (in which case tell her the amount needs to be lower or stop doing presents completely) it’s literally just not worth caring about.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2023 10:06

Buy a joint gift for the whole family if it bothers you so much. Or stop getting gifts for each other if you dislike it that much

BarbaraofSeville · 23/11/2023 10:08

Alohapotato · 23/11/2023 10:05

It's just 15£ once a year... tell me you are cheap without telling me.

Maybe the OP is short of money, or is sick of the waste, or any other legitimate reason for questioning Christmas present buying.

OP could you suggest that you don't exchange gifts at all? Then you can spend your money on your DC and they spend their money on theirs according to respective budgets and appetite for even more shopping for presents.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 23/11/2023 10:12

In the same spirit, if you have your way, your sil could say it's not fair that your children will get "better" presents than hers for ever. Just because she's suggested it, you don't have to agree to it anyway but quibbling over £15 does make you seem a bit mean. What would you do if she has another child - split the £30 4 ways? If you genuinely can't afford it (tho your husband seems to think it's not an issue), buy what you can afford. I can't get my head around making these things seem like business. I guess it depends on your particular family dynamics. In any case, we all stopped when each kid got to 18 so it wasn't for ever.