AIBU to want to spend the same amount on presents

[Natspenc]

So SIL now has 3 kids and we have 2. She wants us all to spend £15 on each kid but as she now has 3 I want to split it evenly and spend £10 on each of hers.
husband thinks I’m being rude and tight but I don’t see why we should be spending £15 more than her forever.
AIBU? Or should we spend the same amount?

I aim for about £15 for my nieces but it is never exact to the penny

Sometimes I get something more expensive on a good offer so one will be slightly under and the other will be slightly over.

As long as the level of gift is comparable and something that suits them I don't see it matters exactly what it cost.

Do an Argos 3for 2 or two for £15 and get them a similar level of gift while remaining pretty much in budget.

Just send her a message back saying "Don't worry about the gift suggestion. I was super organised this year and have bought the gifts already!"

And then buy whatever you fancy when it is on special so you can spend less!

And just tell her you've already bought them gifts if she sends specific instructions. Suggestions is handy but she can't demand it

So she literally never buys your children presents?

Either reply back to her list immediately “thanks so much for this! Here is the list for my two, everything around the £15 mark as discussed. They’d love anything from this list please.” - she can hardly be annoyed as she’s sending you a list first.

Or just try and source things from her list or things similar to that on her list second hand too. Maybe even tell her on present exchange “I’m always so impressed you manage to give us second hand each year so I’ve given it a real go to be better for the environment this year and managed to get yours second hand too! I love this tradition we have.” Etc.

In this discussion of budgets does it never come up that she doesn’t spend anything?

When Xmas becomes transactional it totally misses the point and I'm afraid I don't do 'requests'

I will be making up a lovely stocking for my sons girlfriend of 5 months because she doesn't have a lot and I know will love the bits I've found- and I enjoy doing it - do I expect her to get us something- not remotely !

I agree with this.

I have a budget for my nieces and nephews. My siblings have a budget for theirs, which includes my DC. I have no idea how they relate to each others budgets.

My Grandad used to give us £50 per household. This means my house got £50 between 3. My brother got £50 between 5. Obviously that was better for me than him.

This year he's paying for us to all go out for a meal. It will cost more for my brothers family than mine. That doesn't make it unfair. It's just the way it is.

£5 child ! So your 2 can have a book and chocolate but the other 3 can only have a book. Glad you weren't my Aunt.

... she will send us a link to an exact present more than the amount she has stated. And then give us a toy she has had for years and so doesn’t spend anything.

Well, now. This is different from what you originally seemed annoyed about.

In this scenario, I would be inclined to send her in return a list of items your dc would like in the stated price bracket. If she hasn't got it already, she might have to try to get it second hand. I would try to get any requests that her dc have second hand if you can. Vinted or eBay may be useful. If you can't find those items cheaper than her link, buy them something else you think they'd like. Alternatively buy vouchers for an amount you feel OK with and give them those in a gift card.

I don't like stinginess towards children but your SIL seems happy to be tight to your kids, so why should you push the boat out for hers? You can't make her be decent about kids' presents, she can't make you buy anything, you are in charge of your Christmas spending.

Everyone is negative because the actual issue doesn't relate to your original post!
If you are spending £45 on brand new toys and she (for example) spends £10 on some used tat for your children of course its unfair.
Ignore the list and spend a fiver on each child, if she says anything just explain that she wasn't keeping her end of the bargain.

So your brother isa cheapskate and you thought following in his footsteps was a good idea?

Mean, my brother has 4 kids I’ve got 2 I spend £20 on each of them. I no longer buy his eldest as he’s over 18.
You could give a family gift if you prefer to spend the same amount.

I only have one child my and DH siblings all have more kids. They each get the same amount because the gift is for the child not for the parents even if we give more than DD receives.

Sorry saw your update, just ask her for the cash and you will sort the presents. Or just buy her kids secondhand too.

I've always felt it's about treating the family members the same. So all nieces and nephews get the same amount spent on there even if one sibling has more children than others.

You are being incredibly tight over £15.

If that is such a lot of money then suggest you don't swap gifts this year.

We have 5 nieces/nephews to buy for (and our siblings haven’t stopped having children, expecting another 4 at least). And I budget £10 each, which is plenty. But it’ll never be exact, some years will be more and others less. It’s about having an extra parcel to open. This year I’ve bought a premium eco friendly toy (I say this to highlight it doesn’t need to be plastic tat), craft materials, books. FWIW we spent £30 on DS1 main present and £15 on DS2 main present (he’ll be 6mo). Again quality gifts. I’m not cheap but value and quality come into it.

So your kids get a present that is half the value of the present that their cousin is given? THAT seems a bit mean.

In this case I would wait until she has sent hers through and then send yours through that cost similar to what she has chosen.

Or, just message back and say 'hey, I thought we'd agreed on £15? Are we ok to stick to that?'

Just buy them what you want to buy them.
what if you had no kids would that mean that you would get them nothing. You are buying them a present as your niece/nephew not because your children get it back. No one can tell you what to spend on someone else that is for you and your husband to decide based on what you can afford and what you want.

I'm surprised you had time to post this OP, when there's not a second to waste. Summon your husband and up into bed with you, there's another child to be produced!

😂😂

Pay no attention to her link and pick up something in a second hand shop.

Problem solved.

Better still, hand the job to your husband, his family.

Could you send her links to specific items too? She does sound annoying OP!

Nailed it.

OP, you don't seem to like these kids because you aren't thinking about them at all here. If you want to all spend the same, then do an experience day together as siblings with the kids; a Christmas adventure farm or something where you each get your own tickets; the kids would get more out of that than all of you penny pinching with a price instead of the child in mind.

Gifts are for giving. If you begrudge giving it, then don’t do it. My step sister isn’t as fortunate as us and gives my children cheaper gifts than I do hers, my kids still love the gifts and I don’t begrudge paying extra, because I love giving a gift I know they’ll like. I don’t see the point of giving gifts if you’re unhappy about it. It should be a joyous thing knowing you’ve bought someone a present

Oh dear OP. How were you all raised that you, your SIL and your brother are all so ungracious and I’ll mannered.

put your foot down, change your attitude and approach to gift giving before your children think this is how they should behave