To think it’s crazy you can parent whatever way you want?!

[ItsGivingJudgey]

This OP will sound judgey has hell hence my username. I’ve NC but long time user.

I know it’s a free country (in the UK at least). I also really support human rights, however I still find it mad that you can have a child and raise them whatever way you want no matter how batshit so long as it doesn’t meet the very high legal requirements for removal.

Examples:

ONE:

My SIL does F all with her child and he’s now 2.5 years old. He literally does not leave the house other than for absolute essentials such as medical appointments. He doesn’t go to nursery despite it being free (she doesn’t work). He’s never been swimming, to feed the ducks, to the beach or the local park. He’s never met other children outside of his cousins. He’s only ever been to soft play twice when I have physically picked them up to take them with me and my dc.
He only ever leaves the house when my in-laws take him food shopping with them just to get him out. He can literally go 1-2 weeks without being outside his front door.
SIL on the other hand goes on holidays, days out with her boyfriend, cocktails with friends etc. She just has the in-laws babysit when she does. Her reasoning? ‘It’s a faff’ ‘the weather is bad’ or she ‘can’t be arsed today’. She was very lazy before becoming a parent but her laziness now has extended to her child who literally lives his entire life within the confines of the house. It’s nothing to do with mental health on her part, it’s pure laziness. She’ll only take him out if a member of the family with a car physically goes and picks them up and drops them back off home. The nursery is less than a 5 minute walk from her house. She was badgered by the health visitor to enroll him so she did it, took him for a week and then never bothered again as it was ‘too much faffing about for just a few hours’.

He lives off microwave meals and tinned food. Wakes up and spends the entire day in front of the tv or with his tablet. When my in-laws went away last year he didn’t leave the house for 3 weeks!!

It doesn’t meet the legal requirements or thresholds for social services. He is fed and clothed and has lots of toys. But it’s crazy that he is able to spend his entire life within the confines of a house and that’s that.

TWO:

My cousin. Very well educated, affluent and has always been a bit eccentric as is her DH. However over the years they have joined a kind of weird religion/cult like group and are massive conspiracy theorists. They homeschool their kids (fine), but have indoctrinated them with mad beliefs. The kids including the baby are vegan. Their unvaccinated. They can only bath in this specially filtered water. The kids are feral and not allowed to watch tv, listen to any type of mainstream music only this specifically selected whale like music. They avoid any type of radiation and limit sources of power so in the evenings the house is lit by candlelight and an open fire. The kids wear this robe like clothing that seems impractical. The kids no nothing outside of their parents beliefs. They have no awareness of the outside world. They only socialise with the other people in this conspiracy group that also homeschool.

My cousin and her husband are well meaning and obviously it’s their right to believe what they wish. But their kids won’t know how to use the internet, any real world references, learn about other religions or cultures. Surely this will do long term harm in some way?

The children couldn’t tell you what spaghetti bolognaise is or what a smartphone/tablet is or that there was ever a world war or even how what a kettle
is for. But they can tell you about crystal healing powers. What if when they get to 18 they want to live a ‘mainstream’ life and join society? How will they manage? Get a job? Make friends with peers?

It’s not that I believe there’s only one right way to parent or anything because I don’t. However I find it mad that you can have a baby and so long as you meet very basic standards, you can literally do as you want with actual human beings.

Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable to think it’s not right and if I am being unreasonable why so? I feel so sorry for these children.

Mmm. I hope you aren't using your position to penalise vegan or vegetarian families op.

Seeing as you have equated an NHS approved ethical choice with abuse. Shockingly ignorant really.

I doubt not knowing how to boil a kettle would have adverse effects. Mine broke last week, I coped perfectly well for a few days boiling water on a hob. I'd be more concerned about someone who relied so heavily on technology that they cannot see a way to function without it.

I hear you. Had a friend who was a social worker. Quit the job rather than get a covid vax cos it was all a lie and viruses don't exist. Germs don't exist. Terrain theory nutter. Two kids that she is raising in that madness. Fuck all you can do about it. She now works in mental health outreach. Wish I was making this shit up.

Gosh, you really didn't bother reading past the word "vegan".

@WhenSheWasBadshewasawesome lol don’t worry, vegan families are safe from me.

@Morecladding it’s the bigger picture here, not just boiling a kettle.

@SavageTomato I can believe it unfortunately.

@silverxylophone how about read the whole thread and my other posts.

Yeah, don't at me. You clearly have taken a word here and there out of context and personalised it - as if OP is writing about your parenting critically, not these two very specific cases.

Again, read my other detailed post or don't engage at all.

I understand what you're saying OP, but it is the same as following a religion. A large proportion of DC across the world are told they must do as their god says, or they will go to hell. I don't believe it will have a massive impact on the children as adults. Many children grow up and think their parents are batshit and believe a load of rubbish.

Learning how to use basic appliances is not at all complicated or difficult to teach yourself but also not completely necessary. You could argue that you're doing your own DC a disservice by not teaching them how to cope without these appliances, which has the potential to put them in more danger should we ever be cut off. Just because we are doing what most others in our country do, doesn't mean it is necessarily in the best interests of our children.

I'd still love to know why it's relevant that they're vegan.

If she doesn't want to go to the baby groups/ soft play then leave her at home and take him on his own. You can presumably fit him in your car along with your two?

@WickerShit you believe I can safely manage 3 toddlers/babies all of them 2 and under on my own?!!
Not only would a third car seat not fit in my car but even if it did that would not be possible. My older baby still can’t even walk due to disability. Even if they could toddle about, I wouldn’t be able to take all 3 tiny ones out and it be safe.

Why do people not take any OPs words for anything on this forum?

Do people really think that despite me posting how bad it is, I just drive around on adventures with my babies everyday knowing I could easily take him too whilst berating SIL?!

Jheez.

As much as OP has irritated me on this thread (and still hasn't answered why it's relevant that the other family are vegan 😂) I don't think she can be expected to take her nephew out all the time.

Why on earth should OP do this woman’s parenting for her? Why is the disapproval never ever aimed at the right person on here?

@CasaAmarela I have nothing against veganism. It more so paints the whole picture of how they live however I do understand how that may be offensive to vegan families so I apologise for putting that in.

@Naptrappedmummy thank you. He’s a lovely little boy and I would take him out more in a heartbeat if able to do so. But it is his mums responsibility (and dads tbf) but alas they are we are where we are.

Oh don’t feel bad. It’s getting silly. She’s his mum, she chose to have him, she needs to pull her finger out and look after him properly. A few trips to the park a week would be a start. The number of people who make excuses why they can’t do the most basic things is beyond me!

There are a lot of posters here who will bend themselves into pretzels to defend mothers who are fucking useless/neglectful, whilst at the same time holding other women to ridiculous standards and berating them for not parenting someone else’s kids for them.

It drives me mad and whenever you point it out you get screamed at for being misogynistic.

Is this sarcasm?

If not, why is this post still here? Since when did eugenics become acceptable again?