To think it’ll be fine to work full time with a baby

[firstlittlebub]

I think I will likely take around 10 or 11 months off for maternity leave.

Pretty much everyone I know has either gone very part time or decided to be a SAHM after maternity leave. I don’t know how I’ll feel until the time, of course, and can’t pretend to know what it’s like to have to leave your baby in childcare. I am currently on slightly over 30k so if I dropped part time that would obviously be a lot less money. We also would like to move to a bigger house when interest rates have stabilised so it’s perhaps better to be a two income household.

We have offers of family help plus DH is a shift worker so we are hoping we will only need to use a childminder two days a week, maybe three.

However, please be honest - is it insanely difficult and miserable if both you and DH work full time and have to navigate that around a little one? I have heard other people say time over money any day of the week. That is true, you want to be there and spend time with your child as much as possible I guess. I just don’t know if that’s smart long term, given pensions & holidays and just life really!

I went back full time with my first, DH was working away in the week too so it was just me although I did have family on hand to help, they all worked though so still had a big childcare bill! I had PND and going back to work was my saviour tbh, he was sleeping through by the time I went back so that wasn't an issue, I think I felt so refreshed going back to work that even if it was hard work it didn't feel as hard as maternity! By the time I had my second we had moved away and had no family around, I was also studying and with a pretty hefty commute so I went back part time which was a nice transition into having 2 kids. I was back full time within 20 months though.

I went full time with both of mine - I only reduced my hours when my second went to school (I still used BC & ASC during the week) It was easy to be FT before school as nursery was easier!

We got to see them both take their first steps, Weve been to every school play, school event! I’ve baked treats and we’ve done fun Christmas stuff! One is 20 and at uni, she is lovely and we seemingly haven’t broke her by her parents working. because I have worked we can support during this stage (which feels like nursery again) I have a lovely relationship with both my children, they know we will always prioritise them over work.

What I would say do what’s best for you. If it’s PT that’s ok. As I said I did reduce my hours when my youngest was at school - I do feel that my pension and career (especially pay) was affected. I now back WFH now my youngest is 14.

I went back fulltime after 6 months. I only know 1 other mum with a young child who works full time and I only know her through the nursery. All of the other women with young children that I know work part time. It was hard doing something that seemed so different to what everyone around me did/does.

There were pros and cons, but they mostly related to going back after 6 months than going back full time.

I expressed milk at work until baby was 1 yo and that was a faff, mostly because of the logistics/sterilising time in the evenings, making sure the right bottles went to nursery and the right stuff went with me. But then again I’m not naturally a very organised person.

Weekends are very busy trying to fit everything in, especially now we have things like swimming lessons.

But overall it works fine. I’d much rather work fulltime whilst DC are nursery age and perhaps drop some hours when they’re in primary.

I’m on maternity leave now and planning to go back full time again after DC2.

My DH also works fulltime however we generally use wfh days so that one of us wfh each day helps with nursery pick up/drop off, getting the dinner ready in the evening and sorting washing at lunchtime.

I went back f/t after 10 months.
Used full time nursery and now use wrap around care. DS is 9 now and thrived at nursery and loves afterschool club.

My career has really accelerated in the last few years, something that probably wouldn't have happened if I was p/t or if I'd taken a break - but that is specific to my sector.

I know plenty of people who have done so and it works well for them.

I think the most important thing is flexibility. I do currently work PT 26-29 hours per week) but I can go to the boys’ open mornings/nativities/help with reading etc without any issue.

I can wfh when my kids are all.

Both boys are autistic so whatever meetings etc I can attend even with zero notice.

A particular high point last month was me getting in at 11.30 after dentist. I was in 30 mins, had lunch and then had to collect a sick child.

My boss just waved me off.

Without his flexibility and understanding I would be utterly screwed.

So FT is fine if you have flex. If you are in a role where there’s no give it will be hard.

I've gone back 4 days a week - I asked for 3 but that wasn't possible in my job and there was no other job available. The extra day at home is good and I appreciate having a longer weekend. I couldn't and want to but could you compress all or some hours so that the pay cut was less if you only went back 4 days?

I work full time.
DC were in nursery and I enjoyed my work.
I like working and enjoy the social aspect of being with adults during the day at work.

It worked for me, but it’s really down to you and your circumstance.

It completely depends on each individual woman.
Most find it easier being back at work than being a SAHM.

I’d say the biggest issue is if you’re the default parent who has to take time off if baby is unwell, do the drop offs, do the night feeds or take the lions share when at home with parenting, cooking and cleaning - which is the biggest issue on MN.

My advice would be to try it and if you’re struggling you or DH slightly reduce your hours and then see how you get on.

Suppose it depends where you are and what childcare costs are. I’d have gone back to work part time if I’d had family help but we don’t. At the end of the day my salary was just going to pay for childcare. He was also a pandemic baby so other people were a foreign concept. I couldn’t have done it to him or me. I have friends who do it but it all just looks so frazzled and everyone is very tired. The nursery staff are the primary caregivers. It’s a personal choice and one I’m still navigating -my sanity is often tested but staying home was the right decision for me. I don’t know how others manage it working full time with littles but good on them! Good luck with your choice OP.

I think you must be socializing in some niche circles. I don't know a single woman who has decided to stay home and only one reduced her hours. Most women go back to work and it's fine. It gets more challenging when kids go to school!

I do 4 days a week (and a few hours a month self employed) and find that's enough for us. Childcare wipes us out so it's the sweet spot which makes most sense for us, and also gives me 3 days with my kiddo which I love.
I also love to do my jobs and so it's a good balance for me. I couldn't do my job in 3 days but I can in 4, if that makes sense.

We struggle with housework and having personal time to do hobibes, etc so I'd recommend outsourcing whatever you can there (even a monthly clean to get the house back to ground zero) and batch cook like a maniac on Sundays as getting home at 6 with a hungry toddler and ten having to cook is tough.

It's fine to do. Of course it is.

I'd encourage you to keep your career and independence if you can.

It's difficult (or it was in the early days for me), I used to hear her crying when I was at work which was really weird as she definitely wasn't there, but I was so thankful I kept my career going when he became violent and the police took his keys away and I could still do everything to keep our lives going x

The people who I know who have both parents working full time have a lot of family support, most of the ones who don't started part time or dropped down as time went on.

My one bit of advice is to make sure that helping family are still happy to do childcare periodically. I know one grandmother who is on her 10th year of childcare for her daughter and is massively struggling but she doesn't want to let her daughter down as the family don't want to pay for after school care.

DH and I both worked the equivalent of 5 days compressed into 4 when I went back to work after DC1. Im currently on maternity leave with DC2

Your DC would cope fine after a little while with full time childcare, especially if it’s homely settings like family/childminders.

However, I think you’ll struggle to have much life balance. I used to take DC1 with me to town on my NWD and get jobs done with the promise of a coffee shop. DH would take him to get the food shop done. Trying to cram all that life admin in to the weekends as well as having family time and down time would be really difficult. Even if one of you drops to 4 days and your DC stays in childcare for half that day, having that time to get stuff done is really useful. Otherwise weekends become horrendous.

We did this too and it worked well but posts like yours always make me wonder if there's something wrong with us or our DC in that while we enjoyed our days off with the kids, in no way was any life admin accomplished. If anything it made things worse as we had to tidy the house more and cook more meals.

Now that both are in school, our days off are bliss!

Your baby will be fine, but will you manage nights with a baby and then focussing full time at work? You may find part time gets you by until baby is a little older- even at toddler age. If you're finding babyhood easy then FT might be fine. Just something to consider

I took 6 weeks of total with both of mine. It was hard but necessary at the time. To be honest it's easier with babies than with older school age children. They need food, warmth and cuddles. I was lucky that my recently divorced mum was available to look after them in my own home. It was a lot harder with school drop offs etc.

Yes it can be done! Things that help:

• supportive partner who “pulls his weight” at home;
• good quality childcare;
• short and easy commute between childcare and work;
• wfh if possible (or hybrid)
• an understanding employer/team
• exceptionally organised at home
• batch cooking/meal planning/ slow cooker etc
• have loads of kids clothes so laundry isn’t under pressure (get cheap bundles from FB or Vinted)

i found there’s very little “me” time left for my own friends and personal care/exercise. And I found weekends every minute is so precious. But it can be done!

Having a cleaner really helped too. One less thing to try and do at the weekend.

Lots of men and women work full time with babies and small children.

You just need to be organised and both parents need to play their part.

I’ve worked full time since my DD was 10 months, single parent so no choice. I’m sure you and your husband can manage between you.

OP shouldn't be managing nights alone with a baby if both OP and DH are working full time.

I fully intended to go back full time after 6 months. The first baby I had absolutely didn't agree. Neither did my second (worse in some ways) my third would absolutely have been fine if I'd put her in nursery full time, but obviously the first two had kind of set the scene!

When I was pregnant the first time, I had this idea of how it would all work (I was in a very well paid job with great perks/pension etc)

I thought I knew exactly how it would pan out.

But the reality was nothing like the idea I'd planned.

Working full time with a baby is possible. It can also be challenging so I'd honestly recommend doing a kind of 'business plan' so you can work out what each scenario looks like for your situation, because honestly it's such a rollercoaster ride you really don't know how you're going to want to play it.

I muddled through but if I knew then what I know now I might have put a few things in place better than I actually did.

It might also have been useless to have a husband that recognised he actually had to do stuff too, but that's another story!

Both of us work full time if not slightly over what is classed as full time. I start very early so DP does drop off and I do pick up at 4.45. It works for us. We have reduced our standard of how clean/mess free the house should be, batch cook or hello fresh help too.
my DS is nearly 4 and knows and is okay with mummy and daddy need to work so we can afford our house and nice things like treats and toys etc. he does to a full time nursery and loves it. He calls it his 'work school' because I always refer to my work office 😂

This is a very personal matter and some people will much prefer being at home with their baby, others prefer being at work.

What’s your work like-is it relatively stress-free and something you enjoy?

Personally, I found being at home with my own babies far easier than teaching a class of 30 4/5/6 year olds. When I’d been up half the night with a sickly child, knowing the next day was entirely up to me how I spent it was far more enjoyable than going to work having things like lesson observations, book scrutinies, taking assemblies and teaching all day! Being able to walk to the park/library/shops/soft play was infinitely nicer!

It depends on your baby as well-my friend’s baby was really hard work until he was about 3, so she said she went to work for a rest!