To think it’ll be fine to work full time with a baby

[firstlittlebub]

I think I will likely take around 10 or 11 months off for maternity leave.

Pretty much everyone I know has either gone very part time or decided to be a SAHM after maternity leave. I don’t know how I’ll feel until the time, of course, and can’t pretend to know what it’s like to have to leave your baby in childcare. I am currently on slightly over 30k so if I dropped part time that would obviously be a lot less money. We also would like to move to a bigger house when interest rates have stabilised so it’s perhaps better to be a two income household.

We have offers of family help plus DH is a shift worker so we are hoping we will only need to use a childminder two days a week, maybe three.

However, please be honest - is it insanely difficult and miserable if both you and DH work full time and have to navigate that around a little one? I have heard other people say time over money any day of the week. That is true, you want to be there and spend time with your child as much as possible I guess. I just don’t know if that’s smart long term, given pensions & holidays and just life really!

I work full time and my son is in nursery full time too. I’m also doing college part time.
we manage ok. Weekends are extra special and we have a good midweek routine.

Yes I’m tired but the income drop by going part time wouldn’t be manageable

I went back full time after both my dc at about 8m then 6m. Had a wonderful childminder!

Of course it s fine
Any first will be a first when you see it
You wont miss out because juniper walked a step when you were not looking at him. When you see it you will be proud .
Kerp things simple use online food shop etc

I worked full time after DS1 but only because I was a nurse and it meant I only had to work 3 days a week and still got to spend 4 whole days with him.

I wouldn’t have gone back to a job that required a 5 day working week.

After my second son I went part time purely because my job was physically taxing which meant that although I only had to work 3 days a week, on the days I had off with the children I was exhausted.

I would always suggest that if possible it’s nicer not to have to work full time with babies, infants, toddlers etc, but not everyone has that option.

You do whatever suits you and your family best.

It’s doable but if you can work, say, 8-4 rather than 9-5 I think that would make your life inordinately easier.

I had 12months of maternity and then went back full time after both.

I found 2 full time working parents and one child very manageable.

I find 2 full time working parents and 2 children absolutely impossible to manage.

I would suggest you plan to go back full time and just see how you feel. It's difficult to predict as it'll be influenced by so many factors.

I don't know a single SAHM. Even when I think of my sisters friends and friends of friends. They are almost all part time in some way, but me and a couple of others work FT.

I went back full time after my first DC and found it ok. However I am a teacher, so no crazy long hours in the office, no weekend work, school holidays and I had a short commute and a great nursery nearby.
It is doable and many people do it - it can be tiring, but a good routine and sharing things with DH will help. I'm down to 0.85fte after having my second DC and still just about managing 😂

I'd say look at your childcare/commute/WFH options/family help/how good you and your husband are at splitting housework etc and think about how you'd deal with sick days from nursery etc.

But realistically, your baby will spend more of their precious life determining 1001 days with someone else.

Actually, I'd argue that isn't the case. A year of mat leave, plus weekends, and annual leave adds up to substantially more than 50% of the first three years and that's without even considering the time the other parent might be able to spend with the child. It's a good statistic to beat working mothers with but it's wrong.

I went back 4 days and the level of frustration and anger I felt doing 5 days and getting paid for 4 (professional services with expectations accordingly) made me not a nice person to be around.
Better to compress your hours and work 4 days but get paid for 5 than drop hours.

Nursery years were fine.
School for oldest (plus both of us doing international travel) was where the cracks started showing. 2 at school, and we completely changed our lives to make me a SAHM.

We likely only want one. Things look harder all roads round with two.

Once I factor in commuting time I only see my younger children for an hour a day on the days I go into the office. I wouldn't have been happy to do that 5 days a week. If I had shorter hours and a short commute it would have made it easier. 30k post deductions was also less than my full time nursery place so I wouldn't have been wanting to work full time for a loss.

As long as you have childcare, and want to, then go back. I went back quickly after my two (max 3 months due to where I live), but I wanted that, and I much prefer working, talking to adults, and my children having round the clock care from professionals that actually understand babies, their development and how to entertain them. Whatever works for you is right.

Until you have your baby it's very difficult to judge how you'll feel. It's difficult to fully understand the emotions and in particular how much guilt comes with having a baby.

For some women it's absolutely not a problem, they are happy going to work and leaving their baby.

For other women it's much more difficult for a variety of reasons.

I went back part time and felt this balanced having time with dd when she little with keeping my career ticking over.

It's also impossible to know if your baby will be clingy/prone to illness/a crier/a non sleeper or (as it turned out with my dd) all of the above.

I think a lot depends on your job. My job involves a lot of bringing work home, doing extra in the evenings and at weekends. So I went part-time to make it more manageable. I think if you have a job where you only work at work it’s totally doable.

The only SAHPs of either I know did it for specific periods because of some specific reason — a child with additional needs, a multiple birth, being a trailing spouse with no work visa etc. I went back FT when DS was nine months old, and it was great. Improved parenthood no end. We had one by choice which helped with manageability, as we both had demanding jobs. It’s been good. He’s eleven, and a delight.

I’ve always worked full time, I had 10 months off both mat leaves and when I went back after dc 1 , nursery 2x per week and family 3 times and then when I went back after dc 2, nursery 3 days and family 2.

It is totally doable ( especially with family Supoort) you just have to be organised. My career grew, whilst everyone else took their extended breaks. It worked well for me , for where life took me.

We both work ft and have two little ones, no family nearby so five full days of nursery. It's hectic and it is hard but I wouldn't change it tbh.

@madeleine85

”and I much prefer working, talking to adults, and my children having round the clock care from professionals that actually understand babies, their development and how to entertain them.”

You prefer your children to be with professionals rather than you?

I went back FT after 6 months. I know plenty of others that went back full time after 6 months to a year.

The juggle is hard and I did miss my baby when I was at work, but I also felt a bit "lost" on mat leave so being a SAHM was not for me.

We made weekends very child-focused and spent lots of time as a family. We sacrificed doing stuff by ourselves at weekends, so neither of us gets much "me time".

I agree with the posts above about the sleep deprivation being tough. I'd been back at work for 11 months by the first time my daughter slept through and 13 months by the time she started doing it regularly. I was a zombie! My husband did 50% of the nights once I went back to work but motherhood made me a light sleeper (this is common) and I've always taken a while to get back to sleep so I found it really brutal.

Why not? That’s not wildly controversial, surely? DS’s childminder was way more experienced than I was.

I only have one currently…

while I was dreading it I found going back to work surprisingly okay.

We do have some flex with our jobs and our childcare is great.
the commute actually gave me down time and I prioritise the hour or so after pick up as quality play time

As was my child’s childminder more experienced than I was, but that doesn’t mean I preferred him to be with her rather than be with me?!

I went back full time at 9months, no family help so DD was in nursery. It was busy, not going to lie and there is a definite 'torture' feel the first few months when baby is still not sleeping through the night but you have to be a professional, sensible, human being rather than a mumbling zombie.

It passes though and you get into a routine and rhythm quite quickly.

You need to be organised and find ways to simplify/ignore household chores. You also need to be strict on your finish times, there's nothing quite like the panic feeling driving to nursery willing every light to be green because you only have 3 minutes till they close.

Benefits have been that my career was able to progress, I'm now 8n the really fortunate position of being very well paid, financially secure and 100% WFH, so I can do drop off and pick up for my now 9yo, I can have her home some of the holidays while I work as she can entertain herself or play out with friends and we don't need to use holiday clubs for the entirety.

Nursery and school wraparound/holiday clubs are a big expense so you need to factor it in. It's harder when they go to school, especially the reception year. You have to source holiday care, lots of holiday clubs don't take them pre yr1, there are school events usually planned last minute, after school and breakfast club aren't usually open as early/late as nursery so it can all be a bit more tight to manage.