Aibu to not expect the school to educate my dc?

[Christmascarolle]

Met a teacher friend for coffee, her child is 11 like mine & are in the same class both would be high achieving.
I mentioned to my friend that I do extra at home with my dd, she has extra maths, literacy, geography & history which she really enjoys doing & reads lots in her spare time.
My teacher friend said she shouldn't be doing this extra work that it's up to the teacher & school to educate the children in their care.
I disagree as there is 30 in a class & all different levels. My dd enjoys going beyond the basics & is thriving in school.
Aibu or is the teacher friend? (according to my child the teachers daughter does lots of extension work with her mum. She never mentioned this to me just criticised me for going the extra mile with my child!)

@Christmascarolle What are the school's results and OFSTED like? In particular, how do the high achievers do?

I think you are doing OK, op, and your child likes learning. It's only a problem if children are forced.

If she has gone up to 'big' school, she will thrive on that but if still in the last year of primary she definitely needs a bit more; so many primaries in this country don't teach children well.

There's 100s of research papers and articles on the subject iier.org.au/iier27/bas.pdf this is a good one but there are many many more

I think it's ok as long as your child enjoys it and, CRUCIALLY, as long as you are also able to find the time to teach other skills.

I'm a Brownie leader and there has been a definite decline in certain basic skills over the years. A change from even just 10 years ago, and it's getting worse quite quickly. Some examples from my Brownies (7-10 year olds):

• The majority cannot tie their own shoelaces
• The majority cannot tell the time on an analogue clock
• The majority struggle to use a pair of scissors to cut paper properly
• The majority do not know their own addresses or home telephone numbers or parents mobile numbers (just consider that in the context of them needing to make a 999 call, or getting lost)
• Lots of them think 911 is the emergency number
• For many of them, washing up, is an alien experience, they can't thread a needle, can't use a knife to cut fruit, and don't know how to measure and weigh ingredients.

These are all basic life skills. I'd be wary of concentrating on academic stuff at the expense of other skills and experiences but if you can fit it all in then all good.

She really enjoys her extra schoolwork & does lots of activities inc ballet, athletics, violin, tennis & swimming. It is literally 20 or 30 minutes after school Mon to Thurs nothing at the weekends. She reads loads though in her spare time.
Just to the posters saying the teacher who has a child in dds class is looking out for dd.. My dd said the teachers child is doing lots of work at home with hers but she never mentioned this over our coffee. I'm sorry I said anything now!

@Christmascarolle no need to apologise for doing the best for your DD! Of course you would be doing the other stuff too, if you are invested enough to do additional work to support her learning then the probability of doing all the other enrichment stuff with her was very high too!

This sounds to me like she is trying to give her high achiever a leg up whilst not wanting you to do the same for yours. I suspect she wanted hers to do better than yours which is why she is secretive about it and trying to get you to stop doing extension work with yours.

Whilst your child wants to do this embrace it but mix it with less obvious learning experiences that can still continue should she ever push back against book work.

Completely agree with you @Christmascarolle ! Parents are their children's first teachers. My kids are only 3 & 6 but I do as much as I can with them at home. Both of my children particularly love maths (stemming from a love of numberblocks) and both enjoy doing maths workbooks and maths puzzles. Both also love drawing/painting and we do as much of that as we can too. Handwriting, spellings, English - not so keen on at the moment, but I definitely try to encourage them where they are keen and support them where they are not.

With classes of 30 children, the teacher is not going to have the time to go over things individually with a child the way that a parent can. I don't have (and probably won't have) the money for tutors, so if I don't do it, who will?

YANBU. Keep doing what you’re doing.

I found primary teaching quite lacking. With 30 students and so much time now being spent managing behaviour, you cannot rely solely on school to educate.

I also find the concept of no homework or one piece weekly, mind-, so did homework with my daughter every evening.

What I found was that the teachers pushed her/gave extension work when they realised she was capable of doing more.

It's also set her in good stead for managing her homework at secondary, as she was in the habit of that nightly routine.

Funnily enough, some teachers at primary were very negative about doing work at home and tutoring but the year we had a few students prepping for grammar, the SATS results rocketed. The same school made such a big deal of their amazing results, though we all knew it was a result of those parents tutoring their kids 😊.

Personally I feel they are very a to homework as they don't want to correct it!

@Christmascarolle True - Some hate correcting homework and we had a particularly lazy one who apparently didn’t have time to change the reading book more than once per week.

No ma’am- if I can find time to sign the reading log, you will make time to change the book 😔.

You just can’t leave it all up to them, unfortunately.

@Dweetfidilove yes we have had those. Also the abseentism in dds school is shocking with no continuation of cover for absent teacher, the teacher covering doesn't give them homework as they "were so good" 🙄

Shocking really 😢 🤦🏾‍♀️

@PestilencialCrisis you would swear 20 mins doing something educational which the kids enjoy is child abuse judging by some of the comments on mumsnet 😳

Different parents have varying perspectives on providing additional educational support at home. While it's true that the primary responsibility for a child's education lies with the school and teachers, there's nothing inherently wrong with supplementing learning at home, especially if your child is enthusiastic about it.

Your approach seems to be tailored to your daughter's interests and is contributing to her enjoyment of learning. The fact that she's thriving in school is a positive outcome. Each child has unique learning needs, and providing extra challenges can be beneficial for those who are motivated and engaged.

It's essential to maintain open communication with teachers to ensure there is alignment between home and school efforts. If your child is happy, making progress, and not feeling overwhelmed, it suggests that your approach is working well for her.

Ultimately, there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and what matters most is the well-being and progress of your child. If the additional work is positively impacting her education and she enjoys it, that's a valid reason to continue.

@accordingtochatgpt yes
I guess I'm finding it hard to explain. There is 30 kids in dc's class, all different levels, two children have joined since September from a war torn country & they speak no English. The teacher really has her work cut out. The school doesn't believe in homework, it's actually on their homework policy online that 10 mins consolidation & reading is all that's expected.

Then the friends we have in grammar areas & in private schools have lots of project work at home, maths homework, essay writing, French or Spanish. On top of really good after school classes, author visits to school, enriching trips etc.

There is a huge divide in the educational provisions in private /grammar vs state. If we could afford it in any way we would send our dc private no hesitation. Or if we were in a grammar area we would do or best to get them in..

@Christmascarolle Interesting that you're not saying what the school's results are like or how it serves its high achievers (assuming that your dd is a high achiever.) It is impossible to say you're being reasonable or unreasonable without that information.

@CurlewKate she's in top set for maths & literacy. As I mentioned in posts above the school has a real problem with abseentism, dc's class has been particularly affected since covid. When her teacher is out for random days or weeks it is always a different teacher covering, there is no continuity. They often spend the time doing art, P. E, games plus a movie on a couple of occasions!

Great if your child wants it and enjoys it - many kids do this on their own, reading about a particular subject they enjoy or joining a related club. So carry on!
I think your teacher friend thinks it shouldn't be ESSENTIAL for parents to do this.

@mondaytosunday@mondaytosunday my dd said the teachers child who is in her class said her mum does lots of work at home with her but she never mentioned that to me over our coffee just made me feel like a pushy mum..

@Christmascarolle You're still not saying anything about the school's performance.

my dd said the teachers child who is in her class said her mum does lots of work at home with her but she never mentioned that to me over our coffee just made me feel like a pushy mum..

I suspect it a way of implying her child is naturally superior to yours as she doesn't need to be pushed. I'd just ignore it.

Honestly the state sector is hugely variable with quality and if your child never struggles and is in a good school it's very easy to sneer at people plugging gaps or trying to ensure their child meets their potential with additional support and dismiss it as unnecessary as it's not their experience.

If we hadn't done the extra maths - I think like DN they'd have struggled to pass rather than doing exceptionally well so could carry on with it at next level post GCSE. Obviously people then turn round and insist it was always natural talent and extra work was not needed despite school reports flagging serious concerns up at young ages.

my child’s absolutely exhausted by school. She’s Y8. So we don’t do extra school work. I’d much rather she had no homework.

(State) schools are chronically under-funded, over crowded, quite often classrooms suffer with disruptive behaviour and don’t always have teachers that know the subject area well, but were the staff they could get in.
I think knowing this, you’re either being unreasonable to expect that school alone is enough for most kids to reach their potential.
Most people who put you down(in person annd online) are secretly doing the same, but don’t want to admit it. More competition for their DC…
Plenty of people do this, teacher friend is knob who is trying to make sure her DC has an advantage over yours. She knows perfectly well parental involvement is one of the main factors towards success.

@AnAmountofKittens my hubby said the same. He said the teachers child was over at ours during Easter & spotted one of dds workbooks I had bought for her in the Works & was like oh I have the same one, mum got it in the works! I missed it but DH said it absolutely happened😂