Primary age boys these days…

[Warchester]

Very simple question because I hate to be that person declaring ‘back in my day’ statements. But why are young boys today so over sexualised, language especially. I truly don’t know where they would get it from at this age.

It honestly disgusts me. Just had a quick chat with my 9 year old and he explained one of his mates asked to s* his sexy balls. WTF. Another classmate declared they had sex last term, whilst another local boy, not at the same school came out as gay. DS goes to a very good state school in a great area, not that that matters I guess.

I am by all means not an old mum (30) so I distinctively remember school and these types of sexual comments were not rampant.

If this is normal behaviour for school aged boys please let me know I am BU.

It is often the boy with the father who is a sexist pig; or the sibling who is the same.

There was one boy like this in my daughters last school. Ineptly parented, with a bully father, he just copied him. Sad really.

I teach Year 6 and it really varies class to class and cohort to cohort. My last year's class were incredibly over sexualised and I dealt with a number of incidents where inappropriate language was used between the boys about the girls - discussions of smashing their meat into them and loads of other things.

This year, nothing of the sort, my class of the same age is much younger in their personalities and play together so nicely and innocently. Its a huge contrast and they are just one year apart.

Of course - as far as I know they never use swear words at school. Obviously I’m there but they’re at a pretty strict school and I’m sure I would be told.

“Not” there.

I have an 11 year old just started secondary and he doesn't talk like this. I'm not naive, he'll certainly be hearing it but has the sense to know its not appropriate and not to join in. Its absolutely down to social media and phones. Hes only got a phone since secondary, has no social media and isn't in the whole year chat so he only hears what his friends say, and they're all similar kids. I do know that there have been inappropriate pictures shared and vaping on the chat though, and it's the kids who've had unrestricted phone use through the last couple of years of primary. Luckily at the moment he isn't fussed about his phone and online gaming, but I know its only a matter of time at this age.

It really does vary. I’ve taught KS2 for the the last 5 years or so and I’ve only had one class where I’ve had to have serious talks about sexual conversations/ behaviour. It’s heartbreaking because they are clearly exposed to it from somewhere (yes, sometimes it’s social media but sometimes it’s because they are subjected to abuse/ they see abuse or other similar reasons). My own child is 10 and has no idea about half of what I’ve heard from some children. If your child tells you something they’ve heard I’d advise you’re open and honest. It’s sad but necessary.

My DS (Y6) is not like this.

Again, just because something is common does not make it appropriate.

Sorry kissing and cuddling is unequivocally inappropriate for a 9 year old no matter the situation, please read that again!

Definitely happened at my school in the mid 1980s. Kids had older siblings.

Unfortunately it only takes one child in a class to be exposed to inappropriate crap and they're all repeating it.

Yep. We had that last week. One child with lots of additional needs and completely unfettered internet access keeps saying all sorts. The other children in the class are all copying. This is year 1.

The boys talked like this when I was at school but they didn't have a clue what they were saying. It's just immature stuff, they know it's taboo so it's funny, willies and bums and poo and farts, very juvenile.

I remember a group of us probably around that age writing a list of all the swear words we knew and someone wrote "ooo aaah"

I agree this is all a bit grim though but it's normal curiosity - what is a bit off is that they should know not to do it around adults.

Also I think YABU to say that "dating"/expressing sexuality at 9 is inappropriate. A lot of people know that they are straight at 9, why couldn't you know that you were gay?

A sexual relationship at 9 would be inappropriate but first crushes etc aren't unusual at that age and a bit of holding hands on the playground is quite sweet I think.

I distinctly remember being in year 6 and there being a playground game where people would walk around asking each other if they were a virgin, including variations where it was a trick question like a play on words or a hidden double negative. Then if you gave the wrong answer there would be a reply of horrified squeals and giggling. The only problem was that none of us could work out if being a virgin meant you had had sex or you hadn't.

So much naivety here. I have a friend who's child is an angel wouldn't say a bad word. Yet I've pulled him up on using inappropriate language in my home when he thought no one was listening. My son, on other hand, unfortunately repeats everything he hears without knowing what it means and gets caught by adults all the time so he is the "bold" one. If you think your kid is perfect, they may just be good at hiding stuff. You'd be amazed what is spoken about in the playground.

Yep, TikTok. I've written about this before but when my DD was 8 she came home talking about how boys put (pointed to genitals) in girls (pointed to mouth and bum). After a long discussion, it turns out that a certain boy who has a Dad who wants to be his mate rather than his parent, had allowed him to access his TikTok account with no adult supervision.

The said child then went round and targeted every single girl in the class, telling them this and saying he was going to do it. Let's just say that this Dad faced a lot of very unhappy Mums in the playground the next day. The safeguarding lead was also informed.

I think the sexy balls comment must be something from youtube or a game. Unfortunately I have heard my 9 year old say it. I did worry it was just him but when I took a couple of his friends out on a play date they were all saying similar. ( they ovs have no idea what their actually saying) my 10 year old who is two school years ahead doesn't speak like it.

I’m going to mention to my DD’s Teacher at parents eve on Thursday about a 7 year old boy in her class telling the girls they’re ‘you’re a sexy girl/you’re hot’ & telling the boys to F off. I absolutely do not want my DD subjected to this at 7 years old🤮

I actually feel sorry for this boy, he’s apparently an inch away from SS involvement & has about 6 siblings, all of which I feel sorry for, the state they are. However, it’s just not what I want my child to hear at this age.

My ten year old boy, and his friends, certainly do not talk about such things. Probably more to do with the sort of parents those children are being brought up by rather than a reflection of all primary school boys.

It’s not at all inappropriate to have a crush at that age- my point is that the feelings don’t need to be particularly “sexual” for someone to know that they’re gay. I remember wanting to marry my science teacher and hold her hand when I was 10. It’s weird to lump those innocent feelings in with kids talking about “sexy balls”

I have 8 year old and 10 year old boy close relations, they are not like that and as far as I can tell neither are their friends
It doesn't seem like common behaviour at all.

It worries me that this generation are being overly sexualised. It's definitely the Internet. They are basically being groomed by Tik tok etc
At the same time, I'm very pro active in protecting my kids from these things. My kids are very much still kids. The 10 year old will ask me before downloading any app or even if there's something in particular she wants to look at on YouTube. And it will be watched on the TV in the living room.
But I do worry that when she's a bit older, she'll meet a boy who hasn't been protected, who'll have watched lots of porn and inappropriate things. I wish our society would do a better job of protecting kids, instead of letting them have access to these things. A lot of parents have basically thrown their hands up and are acting like it's inevitable that their kids watch this stuff.

This is one reason why we home educate. We're not screen free, but it is very restricted.
My kids are still kids and say themselves that they want their childhoods to last as long as possible and to mature at their own pace. It works. A boy (of about 9) at the park, asked my youngest something inappropriate recently and she said to him "No, I don't want to talk about that" walked away and came to tell me straight away. That's the beauty of it. They aren't totally sheltered, but they definitely aren't being exposed to too much, too soon.

My 9 y/o isn't like that, but in Year 4 he found out what a strip club is from a classmate telling everyone about a strip club scene in a GTA game that he plays with his dad.

This reminds me of a song the boys at my junior school used to sing in 1976:

We have joy, we have fun
Licking Racquel Welsh's bum
But the bits we like best
Are the tits upon her chest

They would have been about 8.

Quite a lot of sexual talk similar to this in years 5 and 6 of my primary school but not as explicit as mentioning oral. Or using the F word.

We did have boys pushing girls on the ground, pinning them down and removing their underwear so they could look at genitals. Curiosity I guess. Actually I don't know if it happened more than once I remember it happened to one girl who was bullied a lot and a bit easily led. She cried a lot after it happened and think she complained. I don't know how typical this was of mixed schools then . My secondary was a girl's school, thank God!

This was very early 90s.

I am not surprised it has got worse with the internet and access to porn. Back in the 90s There were magazines on the top shelf of the newsagents and that was as near to porn as most kids could get if they even knew what to look for, I guess.