Primary age boys these days…

[Warchester]

Very simple question because I hate to be that person declaring ‘back in my day’ statements. But why are young boys today so over sexualised, language especially. I truly don’t know where they would get it from at this age.

It honestly disgusts me. Just had a quick chat with my 9 year old and he explained one of his mates asked to s* his sexy balls. WTF. Another classmate declared they had sex last term, whilst another local boy, not at the same school came out as gay. DS goes to a very good state school in a great area, not that that matters I guess.

I am by all means not an old mum (30) so I distinctively remember school and these types of sexual comments were not rampant.

If this is normal behaviour for school aged boys please let me know I am BU.

A boy in my dc10 class sent dick pics (from the internet but highly graphic) around the class WhatsApp. Also the language was horrific. I reported to school as safeguarding and took dd of the groups.

I have two aged 6 and 8 who talk about "balls" and it's not something discussed around the table at home but apparently it's common in the playground for kids to talk like this, which is where they are hearing it from. I have discouraged this as it's really not great to hear. Really inappropriate tbh.

I'm a teacher and many children do use this sort of language.

It is never acceptable and, once we're made aware, we take it seriously.

It is often a safeguarding issue because they have been exposed to the language somehow.

What is appalling is that, once we begin to investigate, it has often been used or heard or repeated by many children over a long time.

Three types of parent - the ones who refuse to believe that their child would behave like this, the ones who don't care ('boys will be boys, no worse than I used at his age') and the really ineffective ones who claim to care but generally reveal that their child has almost free access to tv, internet and computer games.

Depressing isn't it.

I think social media, tik tok has a lot to answer for.
This isn't the norm in my experience though (thankfully).

I've been teaching for over 20 years but haven't taught in schools since before the pandemic. I thought I was unshockable but last year I was walking through the local Park around tea time and felt scared of a bunch of very young lads (age 9-11 at the oldest?). They were vaping and using the most disgusting language, "wanting pussy, to go down on it, lick it", one boy was boasting that he'd "gone down on your mum, but she prefers it up the arsehole"...

I was quite heartbroken really. They weren't being silly, there was real aggression and anger in their voices and it was such a contrast with these tiny baby faces. I doubt their parents would have any idea what they were like...they looked like well behaved, nicely dressed, well cared for typical middle class boys. They all had phones and one was showing another porn from what I could hear.

It was one of the most upsetting things I can remember encountering and it made me genuinely scared for the future.

Childhood seems to get shorter and shorter. I do blame the internet and I think after the pandemic, a lot of parents just can't be bothered
to regulate the use of phones etc.

I vet what they watch on TV heavily so it's not from home that it is originating from. They are hearing it at school. For those six hours daily whilst in the care of the state I am powerless to do anything as a parent 🤷🏻 I can only tell them it's not acceptable to speak this way at all. It's not language we use at home. It's horrible when you raise them to be respectful yet you are up against this when they are out at school. I am not having a go at teaching staff either, what can they do if some parents don't have any kind of moral compass to put restrictions on what their children view?

My little boy is not like this at all. He’s 8 and likes toilet humour as in farts, bums, willies and boobs but he has no idea about sex and is not remotely sexual. He’s still completely innocent.

Phones, ineffectual parents, siblings who show and send them stuff which is inappropriate. Not uncommon.

It's also one of the reasons my daughters go to single sex school.

Definitely not normal for boys and girls that age to be using such sexual language. To be honest, I would be speaking to the safeguarding lead at the school.

I have a boy of 10 and he and his friends certainly don't use this sort of language.

I also teach secondary and while Y7 and Y8 are starting to become more aware of sex, I haven't heard this sort of thing said. Most are hideously embarrassed even discussing relationships in the appropriate lessons!

This!

Poorly parented kids have always been exposed to things beyond their years. I remember a boy in my class at primary school asking if I knew what a blow job was when I was 6 and that was 35 years ago now.

Not normal here. Not at all.

Are you for real when you are saying you can’t pinpoint it to social media/tik tok? Surely you are not that clueless.

electriclight
I'm the fourth kind. When I got a call from the head that my Y4 boy was using language like this I took it very very seriously indeed, grilling him on what he said, what he meant, where he heard that, interrogating his older brother on what he'd been saying, trying to find out if he'd been watching anything dodgy at his dad's....I couldn't turn up anything untoward tbh.

Except that he said he was repeating what a friend at school had been saying. This friend, although a sweet kid in some ways, is....not very well parented. I have personally heard him telling another older child "Fuck you, you bitch" in the park.

It's desperately sad, because this boy is DS's only firm friend, but I don't feel I can encourage the friendship. DS is awaiting an autism assessment, and I don't think fully understood the impact of what he was saying. Hopefully this has made him realise.

The whole thing was very distressing, and I took it extremely seriously. It was obvious that the head just jumped to the conclusion that he is allowed unrestricted access to the Internet at home (he is not, and neither is he at his dad's). She even threatened to call social services. It made me feel vulnerable and stigmatised, as a single mum, and DS woke me up for the first ever time that night having had a nightmare.

Just to expand on the comment made last term about a child having had sex.

Because these things cropped up towards the end of the last school year I had the sex chat and explained to DS if any child talks about sex tell a teacher discreetly.

On this occasion he did and then had to deal with one child calling him a snitch.

I am honestly so worried because this is what we as parents are up against, upholding morals whilst not wanting to have your child ostracised.

DS does not have a smartphone, watch YouTube, has no social media and even games are restricted. SO WHAT DO I DO, PULL HIM OUT OF MAINSTREAM SCHOOLING?

Wow. Rude much! I stand by my assertion that there are lots of factors- you obviously are that clueless

To the parents that have said no their child are not like this. Do you ask lots of questions about school, the school day, lunch and break to know for sure this is not happening?

Why did you include the gay thing in all of that. Kids know they are Gay from a young age sometimes and it's good they can be themselves. The only thing that would cause them grief is if parents speak against it in front of their kids and make trouble for them.

It's not just boys.

This is not normal - it's a red flag and I'd report it as a safeguarding issue to the school. I'd be worried about the one who said he'd had sex. I had a friend who told me she had sex at 9 (this was back in the 80s) and looking back it was evident she was being abused.

I am a laxer parent than most in terms of video games / youtube. I have DS9 and DS15 who go to school in inner London. They think willy gags are hilarious. But they would never use this kind of sexualised language or behaviour (and trust me I read the PS4 chat and Discord/whatsapps of the older one).

This isn't new though - I went to a very rough inner city primary school 40 years ago and sexualised language / behaviour was apparent but it was because of neglectful parenting and abusive home life many of the kids had.

Have noticed this for a few years, sad really 😔 we were still playing with dolls etc at 9-10 years old

Our school is not like this.

The local state school is though :(

I would be mortified if my 8, 10 or 12 year old sons spoke like this, but they're very limited in what they can watch and access at home, and we monitor 12 year old's phone very carefully. That being said, I work in a primary school and am often shocked and saddened by the language and content I hear, not just from the boys. Its is always flagged as a safeguarding concern though. If I think back almost 30 years to when I was in Year 4 myself, I remember some of the boys in my class playing 'gay tag' where the chaser had to catch the other boys and simulate anal sex behind them. I remember thinking something was very weird about the boy who instigated that game.

They don't know for certain their children aren't hearing that type of language, but they have children who are smart enough not to repeat it at home. That's my take on it.

My son is 11 and doesn't talk like this. But then, he doesn't have a phone so he isn't as exposed to random awful content.