Are some kids really just easier

[NewEms]

I recently found out that I’m pregnant, I don’t have much experience with kids, only child so no siblings/nieces/nephews. The only kids in my life are those of my two closest friends.
Friend A has a daughter, I lived with her for 6 months when her daughter was 2 and her daughter seemed … easy. She liked lots of different foods, potty trained super easy (I was there), wasn’t a screamer, didn’t really run away. I don’t remember friend A ever really complaining, I remember her being exhausted from sleepless nights but her daughter was sleeping through by about 5/6 months. I know she had her husband, great maternity package at work, a cleaner etc, but really she never seemed stressed by parenting. Her daughter is 4 now, settled into school well, sleeps through all that.
Friend B has a son, he’s never been an easy kid, didn’t sleep through until over a year, always always screamed, was a runner as a toddler, very picky eater, tantrums a lot. Never lived with them but in the short time I spend with them he’s chaos. He’s 5 now and in school and friend was mentioning that he doesn’t listen well, used to bite other kids etc. She also has a cleaner, supportive husband and the such but has never seemed like she enjoys parenting. Friend A doesn’t have family near by but both she and her husband both seem to still have good social life’s (babysitters).

Now I’m 8 weeks pregnant, not planned. My partner is supportive and we have good jobs, when I think about “could I handle a kid” I think I could handle friend As kid, the good times seem to outweigh the bad and she seems to enjoy parenting. I’m not sure I could handle friend Bs she never seems happy anymore, and while I know she loves her son I don’t know she puts up with parenting as he seems like a lot of work. She also hasn’t really come out much since having her son, doesn’t trust non-related babysitters so has to be family. (Side question - should you trust non related babysitters? Or only family?)

Is it really just luck if you have an easy or difficult kid or is it more parenting related? AIBU to feel tempted to terminate this pregnancy just because I’m not sure I could handle a more difficult child or a child with additional needs (not that I wouldn’t love them, I would I just don’t know if I’d have the patience/temperament)?

I think you’re maybe over thinking this…. I did too. Looking back it was massive pre-natal anxiety (I too considered a termination). Counselling would be really helpful for you just now. Looking back my anxieties were really about other stuff entirely.

Yes. All different. You can make a difference with good / bad parenting but IME nature counts for quite a lot.
DS was hard work as a baby but after that was the most chilled out child and teen.
DD was an easy baby but hasn't been able to cope with secondary school for the last six months as her mental health is all over the place.

I had one easy and one challenge and they've stayed that way as they've grown. Totally different personalities and temperaments.

If my second had come first she’d have been an only! I couldn’t have done her twice!
DD1 was pretty easy as a baby. She was (is) a stubborn little soul but quietly so. No big tantrums, just a quiet refusal - once she’d realised that if I said something I
meant it and it was happening then she got easier. I also learnt to pick my battles so as she became school age we rarely clashed. I didn’t insist on something unless it was important and she did it because she knew I wouldn’t back down.
DD2 fussed a lot as a baby. I even phoned support lines in desperation because she didn’t seem to stop crying. As a toddler she was a nightmare. Things in the toilet, drew on everything, emptied drawers - she was the one who ended up in A&E because she climbed up shelves tp reach calpol and then got the top off and drank it. I was getting dressed…
She was always very upset and sorry but it never stopped her doing it again! She has got gradually better and better as we head towards being a teenager. But even at 11 she doesn’t sleep well. And I have had to develop different consequences etc as she doesn’t respond the same way as her sister.

if your kid is difficult at baseline, you can definitely make them worse with bad parenting. Some kids are difficult at baseline, though, no matter how good the parenting, and some kids are incredibly nice despite terrible parenting. A lot of what happens is hard-wired.

i don't believe anyone is born evil, but some are more easily made that way.

Ooh, I hope mine say that one day. Good work!

It’s so important. I was so jealous of my cousin growing up who was never told no. If she was, it didn’t take too much coaxing - or rather a big tantrum which she had even when quite old for me to remember one or two. Unfortunately she’s grown up to get into a lot of trouble with credit cards. Of course they may not be related but she never experienced the feeling of wanting something and not having it growing up.