Page 34 | To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

comfysketchers · 2023-11-20T14:35:30+00:00

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby. He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment. I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that. YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery. YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

BiscuitLover3678 · 20/11/2023 20:07

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 19:48

The posters on here who effectively want women to not be able to have careers, want them stuck at home and not being represented in the workplace because children, who want to to send us back to the dark days, have made me extraordinarily depressed.

What a crock of poison this thread is.

From a supremely successful working mother, who is, according to one twat on here, not ‘normal’. 🖕🏻

Absolute exaggeration.

BiscuitLover3678 · 20/11/2023 20:08

Pipa42 · 20/11/2023 20:07

She doesn’t need child protection services or medication, she’s not doing anything wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Our nursery is 3 months minimum and they don’t recommend it unless absolutely necessary.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:08

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:06

@Hibiscrubbed Ooh get you, Sherlock.

I agree that being able to be at home is a privilege. I did think in fact think very carefully before I had children, because I knew that there were some things that were non-negotiables for me (being a SAHM and independent schools).

But what I said about everyone not necessarily being in that position and obeying a biological imperative still stands. If I hadn't been so fortunate financially, I would very probably still have had children and would then have had to make some decisions that I'd have considered to be less than ideal.

Like a state education? Faints

The more you write, the more disconnected from reality you appear.

BellaCriesAndThatsAlright · 20/11/2023 20:08

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:06

@Hibiscrubbed Ooh get you, Sherlock.

I agree that being able to be at home is a privilege. I did think in fact think very carefully before I had children, because I knew that there were some things that were non-negotiables for me (being a SAHM and independent schools).

But what I said about everyone not necessarily being in that position and obeying a biological imperative still stands. If I hadn't been so fortunate financially, I would very probably still have had children and would then have had to make some decisions that I'd have considered to be less than ideal.

If being a SAHM and "independant schools" are the pinnacle of parenting for you then I suggest everyone ignores anything you post. I have no words...

SJD87 · 20/11/2023 20:09

.

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:09

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 19:48

The posters on here who effectively want women to not be able to have careers, want them stuck at home and not being represented in the workplace because children, who want to to send us back to the dark days, have made me extraordinarily depressed.

What a crock of poison this thread is.

From a supremely successful working mother, who is, according to one twat on here, not ‘normal’. 🖕🏻

Oh give over, no one has said that.

TheRealLilyMunster · 20/11/2023 20:09

Bbq1 · 20/11/2023 19:33

Everyone saying the poor mum, maybe she has no choice etc etc the alternate viewpoint is just as valid - maybe she wants to leave her baby and is happy tp do so. I really, really hope that's not the case.

Why?

Why does it matter to you so much that a woman has left her baby in daycare, because she wants to?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/11/2023 20:10

BiscuitLover3678 · 20/11/2023 20:07

Absolute exaggeration.

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Guessing you haven't read the full thread? There are a lot of posters suggesting that if you're nt prepared to give up everything to be a SAHM you are ridiculously selfish and should never have children.

Pipa42 · 20/11/2023 20:10

Sunnytomorrow · 20/11/2023 20:06

That’s interesting @WinterDeWinter , and I don’t disagree with you that we shouldn’t just accept things and not try to change them. But, in this particular situation, what do you think could realistically change?

Genuine question btw. I’ve often wondered how ‘we’ (ie society) could improve things for women.

One idea is that I have sometimes wondered if making (paid) paternal leave compulsory may be helpful? It forces a dad to learn how to care for a baby (which hopefully leads to fairer distribution of childcare later), and may be beneficial to the child too.

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No one should be having compulsory maternity or paternity leave!! My DH didn’t have an extended paternity leave and worked away and has a fantastic bond with our children and as a woman I’m quite happy with our set up

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:10

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:05

Oh nevermind, the complete donut poster also said women are naturally better at caring for children and are ‘hardwired’ to do it so should be the ones to do it, so I’m going to ignore them from here on in.

I did say this, and it's generally true.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:10

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:09

Oh give over, no one has said that.

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I suggest you look back through the thread. A poster said, and I quote, “no ‘normal’ mother would…”

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 20:12

BiscuitLover3678 · 20/11/2023 20:08

Our nursery is 3 months minimum and they don’t recommend it unless absolutely necessary.

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Mine started nursery at 3 months and didn't say a thing about if it was or wasn't recommended or that he should only start if absolutely necessary.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/11/2023 20:12

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:09

Oh give over, no one has said that.

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Yeah, they have. Don't have children if you won't do what's best for them by being a SAHM because it's selfish to want more. That's been said a LOT.

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:12

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:10

I suggest you look back through the thread. A poster said, and I quote, “no ‘normal’ mother would…”

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Did you send your baby to nursery at 7 weeks then? If not, that poster was not talking about you.

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:13

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/11/2023 20:12

Yeah, they have. Don't have children if you won't do what's best for them by being a SAHM because it's selfish to want more. That's been said a LOT.

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Literally no one has said women shouldn't have careers.

Comedycook · 20/11/2023 20:13

Lastchancechica · 20/11/2023 19:53

If you feel ‘forced’ don’t have children. Simple.

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I agree. If a woman genuinely doesn't enjoy looking after her children and doesn't want to do that, then not having children may well be a sensible choice. If a woman wants to focus on her career and be able to live her life free from the burden of children then that's absolutely fine.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:13

For the posters saying I’m exaggerating, @LarkingLarks wrote this:

LarkingLarks · Today 16:15

No “normal” mother would do this, at least willingly. It goes against the normal instincts of Mother Nature.

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:14

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:13

For the posters saying I’m exaggerating, @LarkingLarks wrote this:

LarkingLarks · Today 16:15

No “normal” mother would do this, at least willingly. It goes against the normal instincts of Mother Nature.

I personally don't disagree with that, I think it's completely bizarre to choose to send your child to nursery at 7 weeks. If you are forced into doing it due to financial or personal circumstances that's one thing, but to choose to do it? I'm sorry, I find that really, really odd.

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:14

BellaCriesAndThatsAlright · 20/11/2023 20:08

If being a SAHM and "independant schools" are the pinnacle of parenting for you then I suggest everyone ignores anything you post. I have no words...

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You are fully entitled to make that suggestion.

Those were non-negotiables for me. They don't have to affect you or anyone else.

I dare say other people have their own non-negotiables which I wouldn't agree with.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:14

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:12

Did you send your baby to nursery at 7 weeks then? If not, that poster was not talking about you.

Edited

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He went to childcare from eight weeks. Because I wanted to get back to work.

qizz · 20/11/2023 20:15

It's not 'normal' though to put such a young baby in full-time childcare (if that is what's actually happening). Nor should it be. If we're trying to normalise that, it's a sad state of affairs. That's not to say there aren't sometimes overriding or extreme circumstances, but it's hardly 'the norm' is it?

Comedycook · 20/11/2023 20:15

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:10

I did say this, and it's generally true.

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Of course it's true. It's why women rarely abandon their children and men do it all the time.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 20:16

Comedycook · 20/11/2023 20:13

I agree. If a woman genuinely doesn't enjoy looking after her children and doesn't want to do that, then not having children may well be a sensible choice. If a woman wants to focus on her career and be able to live her life free from the burden of children then that's absolutely fine.

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Why does it have to be one or the other?

She can have a career and have children. Men do it all of the time.

BellaCriesAndThatsAlright · 20/11/2023 20:16

IDoughnutKnow · 20/11/2023 20:14

You are fully entitled to make that suggestion.

Those were non-negotiables for me. They don't have to affect you or anyone else.

I dare say other people have their own non-negotiables which I wouldn't agree with.

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That's nice for you. But why are you so judgemental? You say they don't affect anyone else, which is true. But other people's choices don't affect you and you feel the need to comment on them. Do you feel superior?

Chilottane · 20/11/2023 20:16

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 20:14

He went to childcare from eight weeks. Because I wanted to get back to work.

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I honestly find that so, so strange, I'm sorry. I don't think I even knew what day of the week it was when my DC were 8 weeks. I would not have been capable of working, certainly not working well, anyway. Becoming a mother completely altered my brain chemistry and my entire outlook on basically everything. I'm jealous of those of you who didn't experience that TBH, I don't know how it's possible.