To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

The posters on here who effectively want women to not be able to have careers, want them stuck at home and not being represented in the workplace because children, who want to to send us back to the dark days, have made me extraordinarily depressed.

What a crock of poison this thread is.

From a supremely successful working mother, who is, according to one twat on here, not ‘normal’. 🖕🏻

There’s no flaw! Women need to marry rich men with Very Important Jobs. So Mummy can stay home. Sorted.

Did you have a husband/partner to live off?

And not a single one of us can say that this isn't what's best for them, because we don't know the circumstances. That's the point everyone is making. Judgement shouldn't be made because any of the circumstances described here could be those of this baby, and likely none of them are because they're all different. So why are people judging this mother for this?

Of course it is. Especially with several further comments talking about how nurseries shouldn't even accept babies, how they shouldn't be in nursery before 3 etc.

Forcing a woman to stay at home is never going to be best for the baby.

It's true that we don't know the circumstances. If the mother is having some sort of breakdown or is ill or fleeing domestic abuse and social services involved etc, then it is what is is. I hope she's not doing it just because she's a bit bored. But who knows?

Damn! I best call a divorce lawyer (note to self, must be a very rich man, not a working mother) so I can leave my lovely DH, marry a Very Rich Man, give up my lovely, decent salaried job and stay at home with my DC. Who is now in a broken home, but at least Mummy is home ALWAYS and they don't have to spend a few days a week playing with their friends at nursery. Sorted.

They don't always. My children are now all adults, so I've seen pretty much every possible permutation. Including women who stayed at home when their children were small because they thought it was the best thing for their children, not because they felt personally fulfilled by it. They had children and felt it was their responsibility to do the donkey work while they were little.

Overall, I loved being at home with my children. However, I didn't remotely enjoy every single second of it. Some afternoons in particular felt like an eternity. At really trying moments, I would pretend that it was a "job", and remain calm and kind and professional in the face of completely unreasonable "colleagues". But I still think it was the best thing for them.

If you feel ‘forced’ don’t have children. Simple.

If they are going to be looking after him they arent strangers. Did you add the information regarding maternal leave and pay to paint his mother in a bad light? Who even makes a pole like this? Yes you are unreasonable, you are also judgemental and condescending

You keep saying this like its an option to give the children back. What do you suggest for those people who thought they'd love it but it turns out they don't? Put their 2 year old up for adoption rather than nursery?

You do realise that putting "simple" after a statement of your opinion doesn't actually make it simple, right?

No one enjoys every single second of it no matter if you are at home with them or working full time.

I believe that working is best for mine for many reasons. Most of us are doing what we believe is best as well as considering our own wants and needs.

Men would never have children in that case.

Have you acknowledged your massive financial privilege enabling you the choice to be this ‘superior’ SAHM?

In another thread you’re boasting about giving your children the ‘most expensive education it’s possible to have’ (😂) like your expensive education, and your fantastically professional job before children, and all the lovely things you did when the children were in school.

Many women don’t have the vault of Scrooge McDuck behind them, so have to work. Some women are on their own and have to work. Some women are the breadwinners. Some women daren’t leave the workplace too long as they will be usurped by men and written off. Some women want to work (like me) and some really like money.

Your financial position, which based on your boasts is pretty healthy, means you could choose to be a mother who didn’t work. Thats privilege. Not superiority.

If you are struggling with a 7 week old, you can go to your GP or contact your health visitor (who would still be doing visits probably, anyway). They will put support in. They will do whatever they can to stop a mother and baby being separated at that age. This is the whole point of child protection and social services!

I'm not sure anyone really thinks that hard about any of it, really. I think we're all (men and women alike) acting on a biological imperative. Once we've satisfied the atavistic urge to reproduce, we then realise we've got to muddle our way through the next 18+ years. I suppose we all basically just have to make the best decision based on the situation we find ourselves in at that point. If the choice had been between bringing up a child in complete poverty or sending a child to nursery while I worked, I suppose I'd have gone for nursery, because having a child would have been more important to me (me, me) than thinking about how I was going to cope once I had the child.

People who feel the need to judge others like this are clearly insecure about their own choices IMO

This.

Yes ideally and I would advocate tooth and nail for a mother and baby not to be separated because of this ……. However this mother is just trying to do the best she can in the circumstances she’s found herself in, even if that’s her just not enjoying being with the baby, she is ultimately acting in the best interests of the child by ensuring they are safe and well cared for and maintaining her mental health which will better enable her to care for the baby

Because everything is black and white, life always goes perfectly to plan, and contraception is 100% effective, I presume?

Oh nevermind, the complete donut poster also said women are naturally better at caring for children and are ‘hardwired’ to do it so should be the ones to do it, so I’m going to ignore them from here on in.

@Hibiscrubbed Ooh get you, Sherlock.

I agree that being able to be at home is a privilege. I did think in fact think very carefully before I had children, because I knew that there were some things that were non-negotiables for me (being a SAHM and independent schools).

But what I said about everyone not necessarily being in that position and obeying a biological imperative still stands. If I hadn't been so fortunate financially, I would very probably still have had children and would then have had to make some decisions that I'd have considered to be less than ideal.

That’s interesting @WinterDeWinter , and I don’t disagree with you that we shouldn’t just accept things and not try to change them. But, in this particular situation, what do you think could realistically change?

Genuine question btw. I’ve often wondered how ‘we’ (ie society) could improve things for women.

One idea is that I have sometimes wondered if making (paid) paternal leave compulsory may be helpful? It forces a dad to learn how to care for a baby (which hopefully leads to fairer distribution of childcare later), and may be beneficial to the child too.

She doesn’t need child protection services or medication, she’s not doing anything wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️