To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Sorry for posting again but I see some of the posts implying that the baby will ‘definitely’ be disadvantaged by being in nursery. That’s just not true!

What IS true is that infants need three things: love, loving care AND their physical needs met. Sometimes a mother wants to, and can, do all three tasks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. A nursery or nanny can provide both loving care and physical needs during the day. A mother, father or grandparent etc can then separately provide love at weekends and evenings. The baby would have all its needs met; why would it possibly be damaged?

In my view, as long as a baby has love in its life, there’s no reason why a baby will suffer from being cared for in a professional nursery setting during the week.

Some studies do show children suffer from a lack of attachment. But, again, that’s nearly always where there’s also a lack of love! It’s based on situations where babies were neglected and UNcared for. This is absolutely not the same as U.K. nurseries which have excellent child-baby ratios and caring staff, plus the high likelihood that the baby will have loving parents at home too.

Because not every parent wants to be at home for years.

It's not that long ago not everyone in the UK had access to abortion.

As another example

I think it’s really really wrong. One reason I don’t work as parental leave in the US is only 6 weeks for most parents. Those babies do suffer because of it and so do the parents. It’s sadly not a choice for many. But then I’ve worked with children with attachment disorders and so I would do anything in my power to try and prevent those issues.

As I read the OP, she said that SHE was sad to see a baby so young in daycare, and actually made no specific judgement about the mother, other than suggesting that in some countries, there is better provision to allow parents to spent those first few months at home. She was expressing her opinion about a specific, very young baby. IMO there are some pretty harsh judgements being made here.

So I did my best. Do you judge it as good enough? I'm all ears.

DT’s went to nursery full time from six months (normal maternity leave then) - had no impact on our bond. They are in their early 20’s now so I’ve the advantage of seeing the benefits of our choices. I also wanted to continue with my career - that wouldn’t wait for the three years you refer to.

Because wanting to raise your own kids is soooo terrible and means your career before and for most of your adult life is worthless.

Was coming on to say exactly this.

It's sad is it? Who is it sad for exactly? Who does it help telling me you think it's sad and talking about me behind my back? Is it just me you're saying it's sad to - or are you judging the fuck out of the lazy bastard who skipped off as soon as things got tough? Just so I know.

Mind your business OP! Many people would judge YOU dropping YOUR kid off too.

And no one wants to hear about this. The daycare options in USA can be abysmal too. So sad. People wonder why they have so many issues.

Amen. Must be a troll.

My nephews grew up in the US. They went to nursery from six weeks They had excellent childcare first in Chicago and then in Colorado. No attachment disorders or issues. They are a credit to the choices the parents made.

What do you class as a decent childhood? One with loving parents who, for circumstances out of their control, had to put their child in nursery earlier than ideal in order to make sure they HAD loving parents and food on the table? Or one with a superior feeling mother who stayed home because thats the best thing for a child, but then spent their time acting like she was better than other mothers?

Clearly I don't mean people who are actually abusive are "doing their best". But we shouldn't be judging parenting decisions such as what age a child goes to nursery based on literally knowing the child was being dropped off on one day. The most likely scenario is that the child's mother is DOING HER BEST for the child.

There must be therapy available for these sad judgy women? Who are filled with sorrow for babies from loving homes spending part of the week in nurseries? They are clearly traumatised by seeing equality for women in the workplace and might benefit from counselling. I feel sad for them.

What a pathetic Post.

Do people see things when out and think ill put that on mn to get a reaction or do they think I'll make something up to get a reaction?
Nothings going to change anyway as a result of this post, so what's the point.
No facts are known, its nobody's business apart from the parents anyway.
Waste of time posting.

StrictlyChancing · Today 19:19

There must be therapy available for these sad judgy women? Who are filled with sorrow for babies from loving homes spending part of the week in nurseries? They are clearly traumatised by seeing equality for women in the workplace and might benefit from counselling. I feel sad for them.

Just. Wow.

I think the furious response here to a simple observation speaks volumes. Most people know newborn babies may struggle with attachment at a transient nursery, aa studies show, and it is far more beneficial for a baby to remain with its main caregiver. This is not breaking news.

Of course some parents have no choice for multiple reasons. Most people recognise these parents need our empathy and understanding, I can’t imagine the pain and difficulty leaving such a tiny baby in a nursery. Most parents would not choose this option willingly, and if they are their problems are far greater than attachment issues.

Yes, despite all of the aforementioned, I still find it sad. You're clearly sensitive and defensive due to your circumstances (which is understandable), however don't make assumptions. I'm not judging the parent who dropped their 7 week old off, my sorrow extends to them as well as their child. It's a sad situation for all involved.

My nephews are now in their early 20’s - no signs of any problems. Normal childhood and totally undamaged from starting nursery at six weeks. Am looking forward to seeing them again soon.

I have a friend who works as a TA with reception/year 1 who says she can tell which kids have been to nursery as they have better social skills compared to those who hadn't.

... anecdotal evidence is not evidence! You can find it to suit any side of a story

The furious response is because of the frankly sexist judgement

It’s impossible to identify attachment issues simply by meeting someone or spending some time with them. They don’t walk around with a sign on their foreheads!

I said woman because realistically, it is the woman almost 100% of the time.

So you want the taxpayer to pay parents to stay at home for two years.

How much should the taxpayer be paying for this? Minimum wage? So higher earning parents will have go back to work anyway because they can't afford that kind of drop in their income? Or would you match their salaries and have basic rate taxpayers on 25k paying people on 100k+ to sit at home for two years?

How would this work exactly?