To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

@DragonFly98 it's not only the country's laws/benefits that are to blame. Who's to say there's a husband/partner? Or family support? Or even with a hardworking DH, enough money to keep the roof over their heads?

I'm in the UK which has great policies around Mat Leave, but pretty rubbish SMP when you look at it. I work for a fab company and my DH is well enough paid that it meant we could afford the full 12 months. I have a friend whose DH earns about half of mine, but because her company offers the bare minimum, without her having saved hard for the TWO years preceding her being off (so only possible with proper, and quite anal planning), she'd have had to go back at about 12 weeks.

When they are able to go into childcare is just an arbitrary time set by nurseries probably based on ratios/insurance policies.

And yet nobody is normalising it. In the UK it is very rare for a baby that young to be in childcare.

I'm in Germany. They think 1 or 2 (actually ebmven right up to the end of primary) in full-time daycare/school is batshit verging on neglect.

This bavmby is an absolute outlier. Nobody is normalising it in the UK. The US? A whole different kettle of fish.

Why, though, isn't the father being berated for not earning enough to support his child and it's mother having, say, 6 month mat leave?

OP if this is what you think children living in neglect face then please never look into what people working in child protection see everyday.

Mother left their child in a registered paid for day nursery with trained professionals isn’t usually something that’s in case reports.

What confidential information have they breeched though? Maybe I've missed something but as far as I can see, all the staff have said is that the baby is 7 weeks old. And that it's the youngest they've ever had in the nursery (which isn't the baby's confidential information, it's just stating that they haven't cared for a baby younger than 7 weeks old).

Are you for real? They are leaving their baby in a safe, warm environment, with caring adults who will feed them and make sure they are safe. My god, guilting parents much! At what age does it stop becoming child abuse? Ffs.

There could be all sorts of reasons why they have chosen to do this or have to do this: parent medical issues, parent disabilities, sibling illness, hospital treatments, having to work, having to study, interviews, packing up a house, major house renovations, awful neighbours, domestic abuse etc etc.

I think those people were outliers then, weren’t they? It’s widely acknowledged that across the population childcare is used more widely and for younger babies than was previously the case. And the reasons for that include the massive rise in housing costs plus a more ‘developed’ (in terms of its capitalism) society in which we consume more.

I’m with all the other PP’s, who are you to judge? There’s no way I would have put my 15 month old into nursery, would you like it if I judged you?

my stepmum had horrific pnd with her twins. She put them into nursery from 6 weeks old and they were tiny. But she had no choice and it was the best place for them until she got on an even keel with her therapy and meds.

This baby will be spending most of the day / week / month with its parent and the rest of the time being cared for by experienced, trained nursery staff. It’s not been ripped from its mother’s womb at birth.

7 weeks is obviously ridiculous and I'm surprised it's legal. But perhaps the mother is seriously ill? Or perhaps she has significant mental health problems and social services have arranged this for her respite?

Apart from the stress for the baby, a 7 week old is a massive responsibility for staff. They are probably only being paid minimum wage to literally have that baby's life in their hands. Its unbelievable when you think about it. If that baby suddenly took ill or worse, they would be investigated and scapegoated and have to live with that forever. It's too much. You can't even take a puppy from its mother at that age, let alone a human being. But this is why I think there must be some exceptional circumstances.

You’re right - a toddler will take a lot longer to settle having been used to their parent being there all the time. A baby has more immediate needs - food, sleep, clean nappies and cuddles. All of which can be provided by absolutely anyone!

Yanbu

And yet …. The research disagrees.

But my anecdotal evidence is the opposite to yours. In my experience it is the children who don't go to nursery who are more shy, less sociable and struggle more with the transition to school.

Either way, my earlier question still stands in relation to daughters. Does it really matter whether our daughters are confident or articulate if we are promoting a society where they have almost zero chance of becoming a CEO or a politician or a barrister because any job they do is going to be a mere placeholder until they sprog up at 30 and devote themselves to raising their own children?

It's whenever the women feels ready really which will be different for every woman.

Like I said, it should ideally be the woman's choice and I'd also add in some decent paternity leave too so fathers also had more of a choice than they currently have.

I don't think the OP was judging; just expressing sadness that newborns find themselves in this position. I'm not going to bash you, OP. I find it very sad, too.

This is just centering the needs of the adults.

once again - the fact that she may have had no choice doesn’t mean we should all accept it. If anything we should speak up more clearly about it so that this doesn’t become more normalised.

So - what do you (we, anyone) do to help this family right now?

I mean, we could get SS involved. Then? Mum loses job, can't pay rent, is evicted? What do you suggest happens right now?

as many have said, none of your business. My friend suffered from severe PPD and her partner had to travel for work a lot of the time after baby was born. They had no other support so she put the baby in nursery from about that age so that she could cope. You dont know the circumstances so don’t be so judgemental.

In the US no one would bat an eye or even think twice about a newborn in someone else's care. It rips my heart out though. I'm still sad about all the time I've been forced to work and not be with my child, or give them my full attention even. I have had no choice. It's not neglect or abuse though, that's a really horrible thing to say. The blame is on everyone but the mother- our system is set up to be this way.

Just amazed that nurseries take babies so young; but good for the parents if they really need it and have no other choice. I would have felt sad too.

I think it’s a bit sad - 7 weeks so young but we don’t know the circumstances.

I'd be with you, had they not referenced how long mat leave is paid for in their country as if the mum had therefore just said "you know what, 7 weeks is enough, someone else can do this". The OP comes across like there's absolutely no possible reason this situation could have been unavoidable.

Encouraging equality and fighting against sexism benefits babies growing up in our current society which is incredibly unequal and sexist.

Probably it's only temporary? The mother must be ill. Did she look unwell OP?