To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Unreasonable because I bet her husband went back to work the next day, why shouldn’t she?! Also it’s absolutely none of your business! There will be more and more babies that age going soon when the government change the childcare system here in the UK

I find this thread distasteful

Without knowledge we should not judge

Biological differences mean that only women can be pregnant, give birth and breastfeed.

Obviously proper maternity leave is essential to acknowledge this difference. And this difference means that even if we eventually get to a place where fathers take equal parental leave, the mother will still need to take the first part of it. Even if the baby is formula fed from birth, her body will still need time to recover.

"Biological differences" are not, however, a justification for women staying at home for years whilst their children are young. This is either a choice (where the woman's potential earnings exceed the cost of childcare but her partner is able to support the family on one income) or a financial imperative (where the woman's potential earnings are less than the cost of childcare).

You can either believe that women should have equality of treatment and opportunity in the workplace and an equal chance to men of occupying senior roles in business and politics (where they can then be influential in bringing about changes which have a positive benefit for all women and girls), or you can believe that all women should stay at home for years whilst their children are young. But not both.

It is not possible for women to take 2-3 years out of the workplace for each child and for there not to be both a short and long term impact on her career and finances. And returning to a society where it is normal for women to do this and exceptional for them not to will make it more difficult for all women to be taken seriously in the workplace.

I haven't been duped by market capitalism. I'm just a realist. And yes, a feminist.

I broke my pelvis having my daughter, couldn’t walk and was high as a kite on morphine! Thankfully I had family members around who could help out. I didn’t qualify for any mobility assistance or equipment whilst I waited for surgery when I was 10m postpartum.

If I didn’t have my family, I would have had to put my daughter in a nursery. It would have crushed me to know that some judgy bint was talking to the staff about me!

It used to be quite usual for mat leave to finish when baby was 6-7 weeks old.
The choice was resign from work or use nursery or childcare.

Leaving aside me being Mrs Judgy Pants - this is a very sound post.

Exactly.

Well said.

I think the PP misread “nursery” as “leaving the baby alone in the park all day”.

It may have made you sad but all of my sympathy goes to the Mother who is clearly in a position to have to do that.

And even if she wasn't and she chose it - not your business!!

Horrific that this has been normalised. A baby needs a dedicated familiar caregiver.

Unreasonable because I bet her husband went back to work the next day, why shouldn’t she?!

Because it shouldn't be about men and women playing tit-for-tat. It should be about what's best for the baby.

@Mama1209

Mind your own damn business

Growing up in a world with more equality and less sexism is what is best for the baby.

An old acquaintance of mine (she used to be my beautician) put both of hers in from 6 weeks. She only took 2 weeks off and her DH, DM and MIL juggled weeks 2-6. Had no choice, couldn’t close her salon for months (sole trader with DM as assistant) as plenty of others to fill the gap if she wasn’t there.

Of course, being self employed she could choose to bring baby to work, but not practical when doing a spray tan/brazilian wax!

No we don’t need to agree the child will suffer. That’s your view, shared by a small minority, nor do I call children it, whilst I’m here.

This one!

@comfysketchers i love how you managed to get the whole backstory from just seeing a short, small interaction of a woman handing a baby over - amazing skills you have there.

The staff should not be discussing other children with you.

Presumably OFSTED are happy with the provision of care for babies, and the nursery are happto provide care

The circumstances of the family are absolutely none of your business.

Well said.

Over thirty years ago I had to go back to work when my first baby was six weeks old - a lot of us had no choice then.
Absolutely none of your business- and yes my child grew up very happy, confident and bright.
Concentrate on your own family and let others do what they have to do.

Just to say that I have found tour comments horribly triggering. I wish you would learn to write things with a little bit more diplomacy and recognise that people are in different situations. 2 of my 4 had to spend their first 3 months in hospital- this is far 'worse' than a baby going to daycare as they were apart from me in their incubators 24/7 apart from when I visited (I visited a lot but still could only hold them briefly). I have spent years doing my best to mitigate any attachment issues from the necessary circumstances that kept them alive which have worried me horribly. And I'm really upset again thank you. This comment doesn't really have a point but I just thought that maybe you should know how triggering and upsetting your comments are, in case you didn't realise. Some tact and empathy can go a long way. We all know its not 'ideal' and few would choose it without good reason.

I'm with everyone who says MYOB. You don't know this woman's circumstances so keep your judgypants to yourself.

Where would you suggest she leaves the baby - she’s probably off to work. My DSIL went back full time after six weeks (not UK). My nephews have grown up great.

Oh didn’t you know according to @WinterDeWinter yiur child suffered and was profoundly damaged by this? At one point even calling it abuse, and the op thinks you neglected your child?