To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

The point I’m making (rather younger in cheeky) that the OP is coming across as very judgmental about a baby being in nursery when in fact - she’s putting her (still extremely young) child in nursery.

It's very rare for babies to be in nursery so young. We've had a couple on a temporary basis over the years but never for the parent working reasons, they have been essential reasons such as hospitalisation etc.

SAHMs having an opinion and judging other parents for placing their child in nursery whilst they have the luxury to be - wait for it - SAHMs✨

You couldn’t make that shit up. Some of us are in the real world where we have to work because we don’t have a partner or a partner that’s a high earner

You seem to think this can only be about money……

From my point of view, my daughter won't remember whether she was in nursery at 8 months or a year

This is a silly thing to say. I don't remember anything of my life prior to the age of two . That doesn't mean that everything that happened to me during that period was irrelevant or unimportant.

No, men will have the upper hand as long as they have women like you to do the job of persuading other women that equality of opportunity is the same as equity.

I think it’s absolutely none of your business to be honest.

Sure.

But answer the rest of my post ... what do you suggest working mothers of 15 mo do so?

I mean, it's an opinion that is grounded in illogicality.

The fact is a lot of people have to. Surviving on one income is just not an option for many families these days, which means childcare is needed while both parents work. It would be wonderful if everyone could have a parent stay home with the kids until school age but the reality is that’s only possible for the wealthy or if you have enough benefits to live on as a family.

Don't we all need a mental health break

But all women are different regardless of biology.

I didn't want to take a long maternity leave
I enjoy my career
I don't feel guilty for putting my baby in nursery

It doesn't make me any less of a mother than the one who is a SAHM with school children, it makes us both happy and privileged mothers as we both got to make our ideal choice.

I doubt mum feels good either but you have no idea of their situation.

In my home country you are lucky if you get 4-6 weeks! To them 7 months would be unheard of and pure luxury. It's not your for you to judge but instead for you to count your blessings.

Far too young but the parents must have very good reason to leave their baby. To be honest I feel similar about people leaving children under 3 but it's none of my business.

... or maybe women like you that still prefer to judge other women. I feel no guilt for my childcare choices.

You've no idea what the reasons are OP. I'd feel sad for the baby, yes, but there could be very very good reasons why this is for the best.

@MargotBamborough
Nursery/not nursery was a big "thing" when my children were born (first one was born in 2000). There were endless public debates about it, including on here.
This was the kind of research that was around then:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2005/oct/02/childrensservices.familyandrelationships

I spent years frequenting playgroups, NCT coffee mornings etc and you could always tell which children spent time at nursery and which children were looked after by their parents. The latter were less aggressive, more confident, and far more articulate - and these were all middle-class, educated families, so the bar was already high.

Who looked after your child while you worked?

The reality is that my DC didn't give a crap who they were with or where they were at 7 weeks and I never felt the urge to be near them like so many describe on here. I feel like you get shot down for saying it on here but it was true for me and I'm sure is true for many others. They certainly cared at 15 months though.

Well, financial need is the reason most frequently put forward in the thread.

It doesn't make me any less of a mother than the one who is a SAHM with school children, it makes us both happy and privileged mothers as we both got to make our ideal choice

The problem with this statement is it focuses entirely on the needs and wants of the mothers rather than the children.

This.

Completely inappropriate for them to be telling you this and for you to think that's okay!

I'd hate to think what they say about your baby and your choices to other parents.

I think, TBH, that this is pretty typical of the current way of thinking across society in general and not unique to women or to mothers - "you do you", "as long as you're happy" etc. I appreciate it's comforting to hear (from personal experience!) but I don't know if it's really the most intelligent viewpoint.

But the needs of the mother are tied to the needs of the child. Would the child be better off with a mother who had no choice but to stay at home for years and was depressed?

The reality is that my DC didn't give a crap who they were with or where they were at 7 weeks

You really think children have no bond with their mothers nor can differentiate between their mother and other people?