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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Loo seat

36 replies

1968Aspnocantbearsed · 19/11/2023 21:52

Is it unreasonable to remind husband to put loo seat down after having a piss ? This has been a problem for only a few weeks but am now getting bloody irritated 😠
Am I just being an irritable human being?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 19/11/2023 21:54

What’s the male/female ratio in your house?

fourplusfour · 19/11/2023 22:24

You should both be putting the lid down. So you're both bu.

fourplusfour · 19/11/2023 22:25

Sorry I just realised I had assumed you were only putting the seat down. I apologise if you're not.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 19/11/2023 22:29

If he leaves it down for you, do you have to leave it up for him ?

LadyMacB · 19/11/2023 22:30

Leaving the seat up is a micro-aggression, and is a disrespectful symptom of the patriarchy. You should LTB.

Original poster
1968Aspnocantbearsed · 19/11/2023 22:41

I always leave the loo seat down ! Just me and husband until a few weeks ago . I don’t think it is him deliberately doing it ,but am getting really annoyed about it and irritable! Came home this evening running to the loo and could have fractured my coccyx if I hadn’t noticed!!

OP posts:
generalexpert · 19/11/2023 22:45

Each person should just leave it where it is. Easy.

TyneTeas · 19/11/2023 22:46

Lid should be closed for flushing regardless so just leave lid and seat down

scarlett88 · 19/11/2023 22:46

I listened to something really interesting the other day and I'm not discounting your irritation as I completelyyyy get it 🤣 but....when a man goes to the toilet he has to lift the seat and put down the seat to keep the females in the home happy..when a woman goes she doesn't have to lift anything? Is that fair or if he lifts it and you put it down is that more equal! Sorry it annoyed me so much too 🤣

Original poster
1968Aspnocantbearsed · 19/11/2023 22:59

scarlett88 · 19/11/2023 22:46

I listened to something really interesting the other day and I'm not discounting your irritation as I completelyyyy get it 🤣 but....when a man goes to the toilet he has to lift the seat and put down the seat to keep the females in the home happy..when a woman goes she doesn't have to lift anything? Is that fair or if he lifts it and you put it down is that more equal! Sorry it annoyed me so much too 🤣

Thank you . That is a very different perspective ,so maybe I will stop being so annoyed!

OP posts:
PurpleSparkledPixie · 19/11/2023 23:01

TyneTeas · 19/11/2023 22:46

Lid should be closed for flushing regardless so just leave lid and seat down

This. It's unhygienic to leave the lid up.

Precipice · 19/11/2023 23:06

scarlett88 · 19/11/2023 22:46

I listened to something really interesting the other day and I'm not discounting your irritation as I completelyyyy get it 🤣 but....when a man goes to the toilet he has to lift the seat and put down the seat to keep the females in the home happy..when a woman goes she doesn't have to lift anything? Is that fair or if he lifts it and you put it down is that more equal! Sorry it annoyed me so much too 🤣

This is silly. We all use toilets with the seat down (both male and female residents sit down to defecate). Only some people use the toilet with the seat up.

The toilet should be left in the state in which all people can use it. Therefore it is fair for men to lift it if they choose.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 19/11/2023 23:07

scarlett88 · 19/11/2023 22:46

I listened to something really interesting the other day and I'm not discounting your irritation as I completelyyyy get it 🤣 but....when a man goes to the toilet he has to lift the seat and put down the seat to keep the females in the home happy..when a woman goes she doesn't have to lift anything? Is that fair or if he lifts it and you put it down is that more equal! Sorry it annoyed me so much too 🤣

Leaving aside the fact that the lid should be shut anyway, men sometimes have to sit, so more than half the time the loo is used (if just a man and woman in the house), the seat is down. So leaving it down makes sense.

But really everyone should just shut the lid. It's more hygienic, and it avoids the whole issue of "fairness", since everybody has to close and open it anyway.

theGooHasGone · 20/11/2023 04:08

Who doesn't look at the state of the toilet before using it?!

ILikeMyMenLikeMyCoffeeWhiteAndWeak · 20/11/2023 04:15

I assume he flushes the toilet, its more hygienic to put the lid down. There are numerous videos out there showing how the microparticles spin out and cover an impressive distance when you flush with toilet lid up. I would show him.
Here is one such video, there are probably better ones but im too tired rn.

KnowledgeableMomma · 20/11/2023 04:16

Women pee-seat down
Women poo-seat down

Men pee-seat up
Men poo-seat down

So 3/4 times the seat needs to be down anyway. And the lid needs to be closed to flush (for hygiene reasons) always so........verdict is seat down all the time. He needs to learn/remember.

ILikeMyMenLikeMyCoffeeWhiteAndWeak · 20/11/2023 04:20

@scarlett88 i think thats what a dumb incel would argue, however everybody needs to put lid down when done to flush as its unhygienic to flush with an open lid. And then everyone lifts it up again to use.

CherryMyBrandy · 20/11/2023 04:43

EVERYONE should be putting the loo seat down to flush. This doesn't need to be a male/female debate.

StarlightLady · 20/11/2023 07:44

Everyone should close the lid. That is why the lid is there.

Sayitaintso33 · 20/11/2023 08:10

LadyMacB · 19/11/2023 22:30

Leaving the seat up is a micro-aggression, and is a disrespectful symptom of the patriarchy. You should LTB.

The Patriarchy taught boys/men to put the seat down after use. It was part of doing the small things for women. So long as men are polite and courteous to women then women can't complain about their lot.

Post patriarchal man has been taught that it is every person for themselves and there is no need to think of women.

Hence the need for (some) women to invent the need to put the lid down. This was never the case in the past but has become essential now. It is an attempt for women to reclaim partial dominance in the toilet seat wars - they only have to lift what they think of as the relatively clean lid rather than touch the filthy seat.

Lochness1975 · 20/11/2023 08:12

The lid should be put down before flushing anyway, so it should always be down.

Sayitaintso33 · 20/11/2023 08:22

Lochness1975 · 20/11/2023 08:12

The lid should be put down before flushing anyway, so it should always be down.

But then the lid must be lifted to ensure that it has flushed properly and the bowl is clean and free of toilet paper.

Any sensible man would lift the seat at the same time as lifting the lid so we are back to square 1. The seat will be up after use.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 20/11/2023 08:26

I'd rather I had to put it down than him piss all over the seat and leave it for me to wipe up. YABU

2jacqi · 20/11/2023 08:57

@1968Aspnocantbearsed I personally think some people on here need to get a life!!! there are a lot worse problems in the world without worrying if the toilet seat is up or down!! If it is up when you go in and you want it down just put the bloody thing down!!

Snoozysnoozy · 20/11/2023 09:00

KnowledgeableMomma · 20/11/2023 04:16

Women pee-seat down
Women poo-seat down

Men pee-seat up
Men poo-seat down

So 3/4 times the seat needs to be down anyway. And the lid needs to be closed to flush (for hygiene reasons) always so........verdict is seat down all the time. He needs to learn/remember.

That suggests that you think we all piss and shit at a 1:1 ratio. But I reckon most people shit once per day and piss multiple times.

As with others though you either shut for hygiene reasons or if you don't then accept that every time men piss the seat will be up. You're perfectly capable of putting it down after all.