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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be nervous about raising a boy

85 replies

theprincessthepea · 19/11/2023 18:07

I know… the only thing that is important is having a healthy baby.

I found out the gender of my unborn is a boy and although it’s exciting I am so nervous about being the mother of a boy. I have a daughter (preteen). I grew up around women, dad left when I was young and it has been mum and sister for decades. Although I have uncles I’ve have never been close to any of them. Weirdly have worked in predominantly female teams. I wonder if my upbringing is playing a role in my nerves - which I think stems from not feeling as if I know enough to raise a son. My OH is very supportive and I’m sure I will be leaning on him.

I also do not want this to become a gender debate. I’ve spoken to friends/family with both and they’ve mentioned slight differences but the love is the same.

I know I am being very unreasonable! But I cannot be the only one that has ever felt like this? I’m probably looking for other people that might have felt this way.

OP posts:
User562377 · 19/11/2023 18:10

I have a houseful of boys.

Remember they all start off as babies, his first needs will be almost identical to your dd's. Apart from his ability to wee in all directions.

You'll grow and learn with him.

nibblessquibbles · 19/11/2023 18:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DarrellRiversIsMyHero · 19/11/2023 18:12

They can pee in your face from any angle

ShowOfHands · 19/11/2023 18:13

Your OH is male and you get on with him, right? If I threw around some ridiculous stereotypes about male partners, I'm sure you'd roll your eyes and point out that it's cobblers. No different with your child. They'll be a marvellous mix of you and your OH. This isn't a random male, it's your child.

There's little to no material difference in the wants, needs, likes and dislikes of male Vs female children. They're all individuals. The only bits I can't confidently do as a woman, is tell them that yes x physical sensation or y experience of puberty is normal for example, or share my own experiences of my biology, but tbf, it doesn't follow that the same sex parent has had the same experiences anyway.

You'll be fine.

AnnaShan · 19/11/2023 18:13

My sons are completely different personality wise and behaviour wise. I don’t even think about the fact they’re both boys, if that helps. I think of them as just being individual children and parent them accordingly.

MummytoAAandX · 19/11/2023 18:14

I had a 6 year old DD when I had my first DS. I now have two boys. Honestly it's the same. You feel the same, you do the same things with them, they hit the same milestones. I love them all the same. I do know what you mean. I was a bit apprehensive after having my daughter first but I promise you it's fine. I adore my boys.

Miri42 · 19/11/2023 18:15

I’ve got a mix, you’ll find you love him just as much. I think there are slight differences between boys and girls but their own personality is the over riding difference between your children

ShowOfHands · 19/11/2023 18:16

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Notmetoo · 19/11/2023 18:18

A baby is a baby with the same needs whether it's a boy or a girl. You will love your child for who is is and him being a boy won't make any difference. He will be an individual and you will respond to him as himself.
I have one of each and honestly the differences between them are not because of their sex.

nibblessquibbles · 19/11/2023 18:19

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OK of course u are right. The OP was looking for some reassurance. She's pregnant she was worried and I was trying to help out

But sure yes you have the satisfaction of being entirely right that everyone is individual. Well done

nicknamehelp · 19/11/2023 18:19

Just remember to point his penis down when changing his nappy (u will only forget once) be prepared for it to be like an out of control hose pipe when not in a nappy. The rest will depend on his personality.

magicravioli · 19/11/2023 18:25

People always talk about the pee thing. When I was pregnant it was the first thing people said when they found out I was having a boy. It’s like a weird pee obsession (as you can tell from this thread!) I can tell you now, he’s 9 months old and I’ve been peed on maybe 5 times. Maybe I’m just quick with a nappy change. I digress…I felt similarly hesitant and I don’t really think of my son as a boy… he’s just my baby. He’s gorgeous in every single way. You will feel the same about your son.

Findaway · 19/11/2023 18:27

I have two boys, one was quiet, reserved and the other was like a tornado who never stopped moving.

They are 20 and 17 now, lovely, sweet, kind men because they have a great role model in Dh. Boys are just humans, they are not defined by their sex, it is just part of what makes up all of them. I understand when you say you were surrounded by females, I was too, my Dad worked away. It will be fine, stop worrying.

Bosca · 19/11/2023 18:31

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Oblomov23 · 19/11/2023 18:33

Why are you nervous about raising a boy? What is there to be nervous about. I wasn't nervous, pre finding out sex of child. I would've been happy with a girl or a boy. As it is I had 2 x ds's. Wouldn't change a thing!

Danikm151 · 19/11/2023 18:33

I felt the same way. Didn’t really have any males in my family to learn from.

point the penis down in a nappy and make sure it’s clean. That’s all you need to know at the baby stage that’s different to girls.

mine is toilet trained now but I’ve told his dad that he’ll have to teach him to pee standing up because I have no point of reference 😂

Busydayahead · 19/11/2023 18:35

I love my boys. They are both kind, loving, Passionate, fun and great company. They are 18 months apart in age and are close.
The only agro we have at home is they tease their older sister at times so lots of door banging from my DD and shouting to leave her room but they do love her and it is a nice calm home when the three of them are getting along. Everything will be fine OP.

SallyWD · 19/11/2023 18:37

Just see them as a person not "a boy". Personality is what matters. My son is so like me in looks and personality. He's much more like me than my daughter is so I can relate to him really well.

ShowOfHands · 19/11/2023 18:37

Danikm151 · 19/11/2023 18:33

I felt the same way. Didn’t really have any males in my family to learn from.

point the penis down in a nappy and make sure it’s clean. That’s all you need to know at the baby stage that’s different to girls.

mine is toilet trained now but I’ve told his dad that he’ll have to teach him to pee standing up because I have no point of reference 😂

Noooooo. Just teach them to wee sitting down from the very beginning!

nibblessquibbles · 19/11/2023 18:37

This reply has been deleted

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OK fine I apologise and I will delete my post.
Jeeze everyone is having a fun Sunday clearly

lilyfire · 19/11/2023 18:38

Yes I felt panicky when I found out I was having a boy and rushed out and bought the Steve Biddulph Raising Boys book which I read at the time - panicked more and never looked at again once I’d actually given birth to my first of three boys. I think it’s very normal to feel as you do. I only had a sister and didn’t have a lot of men in my life. It’s fine when the baby is actually here because they will grow into their own kind of boy and you’ll work it out together - but I found the idea a bit scary.

FestiveSandman · 19/11/2023 18:40

YANBU. I thankfully have two girls. I was worried about what I would do with a boy too.

Won’t be rolling those dice again 😂

Canwehaveaminute · 19/11/2023 18:40

I was worried about this as I have 2 daughters. I watched a video which said that mothers shouldn't worry about how to raise a future man, just fill your child with unconditional love and the rest will take care of itself. I think if your partner set a good example of being a good husband/father, that will be a big help, but everything will all fall into place. Kids are just kids, at the end of the day. You'll see :-)

Danikm151 · 19/11/2023 18:40

@ShowOfHands he does pee sitting down but if he’s gonna learn how to use a urinal hid Dad is going to have to teach him 😂 I can’t exactly demonstrate that

mangochops · 19/11/2023 18:42

ShowOfHands · 19/11/2023 18:13

Your OH is male and you get on with him, right? If I threw around some ridiculous stereotypes about male partners, I'm sure you'd roll your eyes and point out that it's cobblers. No different with your child. They'll be a marvellous mix of you and your OH. This isn't a random male, it's your child.

There's little to no material difference in the wants, needs, likes and dislikes of male Vs female children. They're all individuals. The only bits I can't confidently do as a woman, is tell them that yes x physical sensation or y experience of puberty is normal for example, or share my own experiences of my biology, but tbf, it doesn't follow that the same sex parent has had the same experiences anyway.

You'll be fine.

I have two boys and I agree with this wholeheartedly.