To be nervous about raising a boy

[theprincessthepea]

I know… the only thing that is important is having a healthy baby.

I found out the gender of my unborn is a boy and although it’s exciting I am so nervous about being the mother of a boy. I have a daughter (preteen). I grew up around women, dad left when I was young and it has been mum and sister for decades. Although I have uncles I’ve have never been close to any of them. Weirdly have worked in predominantly female teams. I wonder if my upbringing is playing a role in my nerves - which I think stems from not feeling as if I know enough to raise a son. My OH is very supportive and I’m sure I will be leaning on him.

I also do not want this to become a gender debate. I’ve spoken to friends/family with both and they’ve mentioned slight differences but the love is the same.

I know I am being very unreasonable! But I cannot be the only one that has ever felt like this? I’m probably looking for other people that might have felt this way.

I raise 2 boys alone with no partner, at least you have a male partner you are not raising them alone

Mother of two boys here. When eldest was around two , he was quite nuts. For example, Instead of hugging them he would run over and push other children over . He ran EVERYWHERE and it was a stressful time. I could go on but he was ( and is ) a beautiful and kind child we love him so very much..

Anyway……. over a beer one night a male friend of ours .. also a parent of two ( albeit teenage ) boys at that time.. quite bluntly said to us..
Boys are like dogs … they need exercise, sleep and food.

Hasn’t ever been far from the truth. It’s always worked for us and our boys are very different.

What I will say is that I although I can’t speak for all I find boys uncomplicated, loud, fun and very very affectionate.

Good luck 💙

Boys are so so lovely OP.
I was told when I was pregnant with DS that he would be really cuddly, boys are so affectionate with their mums, and I have to say the people who told me this were not wrong.
He's a cuddly, cuddly squishy lovely thing, and he brightens my day.
We're at 18 months, and starting to see his little personality. He loves attention, he will just wave at people, and say aiya! He laps up all the attention. He shares food, he kisses and holds his teddies.
He tries to grab things, more than his sister. His sister always stood back whilst she figured things out a bit, not him, he wades in and tries to take, but when he's told no, he looks at us, smiles and says Nooo, noo not do.
He's the sweetest little thing. I have great faith that with time, and input from the men around him- his Dad and the Dads of his friends, that he will grow up to be a lovely man.

Your boy will be just the same. He will be absolutely fine as long as he is loved

A million % this!! All different and I’m a different parent with each of them. You’ll be fine OP 🙂

I think in a way, having these worries means you're actually the right person to have a boy 💙 you grew up around women, seem like you are close to lots of women, and your son will be brought up around these wonderful women. He will have lots of positive relationships with women, and I think that's honestly great for the next generation of men :)

Sorry English not my native language!

Apparently being honest and saying it depends gets you deleted. Hmm. Not all boys are universally huggy and straight forward. That's a simple fact. They are individuals.

Whether a child is a boy or girl doesn’t matter, personality is a mix of innate and upbringing. Unfortunately you’ll find some parents who are so strict about gender rules you’ll hear a load of rubbish about both girls and boys.

Just sticking our head round the door to say we know some boys may not be as huggy as others. No poster speaks for ALL boys and we think that point has now been (amply) made.

We'd love it if everyone could return to offering support and advice to theprincessthepea.

Boys are great! I totally agree.
However, mine are far from being uncomplicated and straightforward, I find navigating their journeys so difficult now they are teens.
That said, I think it's ok to be nervous whether you are parenting boys or girls. It's a big responsibility. But, play with them, be curious with them and be there for them, male or female you'll be giving them the best start in life.

I have a boy and a girl. There's 13 months between them. I've not really seen much difference between them so far in respect of milestones etc, although they are still young (1 & 2). I don't think I parent them any differently because of their sex. I think my boy is maybe a bit more of a daredevil but I'm pretty sure that's because he has his big sister egging him on all the time.

Boys are wonderful. DS7 makes my life worth living, he's thoughtful, loving, hilarious and so so smart. I don't think there's a love comparable to that between a mother and son.

Boys are not like dogs and I think we do them a disservice to make such statements. Of course they need food, sleep and exercise. So do girls. I teach secondary and see the sensitivity, complicated feelings and struggles boys can have. And they're no different to girls but somehow, the girls are allowed to cry, act up, struggle, admit feelings. But then we start saying they're complicated or "bitchy" and ultimately, we let everybody down. The boys are only allowed anger as an outlet and they bury their thoughts and feelings, the girls are told their vulnerabilities are complicated and nobody realises that they're just children navigating adolescence. It's a universally challenging process and now, more than ever, it's beset on all sides by a complicated society.

All children need to be heard, championed and celebrated. They need love and boundaries, closeness and space. They need to fail and succeed. They are delightfully human and we have the privilege to walk alongside them through their childhoods and beyond.

OP, congratulations. You are exactly who your son needs ie a mother who worries about being everything you can to this tiny being who will look to you for guidance. You'll love him and teach him. And you will adore every fibre of his existence in a way you can't yet fathom.

The best we can do is let go of preconceived notions and celebrate our children for who they are, rather than who we think they should be according to arbitrary rules.

When I was pregnant with my second, I really wanted a another boy. I didn't find out the sex prior because I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and not stress about having a girl. Deep down though, I just knew I wouldn't be "lucky" enough to have another boy. When dd was born, all my fears about having a girl melted away. She's been a joy to me all her life. Don't get me wrong, she's had her moments, quite a few in fact! She's 22 now, and I honestly couldn't love her more. You'll be fine OP.

I've two teenage boys and they're bloody lovely. Don't worry.

I think we can support the op (which is what we are actually doing by pointing out the universality of individuality) AND try to dismantle stereotypes which ultimately only ever cause damage.

I also felt like this OP, for similar reasons. My little boy is 2 now and all those feelings have gone away. Once they're here they are just a little person and as others have said in the baby and toddler stage there is not much difference between boys and girls.

I grew up in a very female household - always been a ‘girls girl’.

My son - 2.5years old - is the absolute apple of my eye! So loving, affectionate and full of life. I do think boys are more active as they get older and girls like more imaginary play! Now if we did decide to have another I would want another boy.

Boys toys are way more fun aswell 😂 - obviously I am bias now!

I LOVE being a boy mum and wouldn’t have it any other way!

I felt the exact same when I was pregnant with ds1.

I now have two beautiful Ds (age 6 &1) and wouldn't change/swap them for dd's even if you offered me all the money in the world.
They are absolutely amazing, kind, intelligent, loving and cuddly.

Also despite trying not to influence them they are both very 'gender typical' boys who like football, dinosaurs, trucks, getting muddy and super heros etc - all things I'm not inherently interested in but I love experiencing with them. Even though I was initially disappointed that I might not get to play with traditionally girly toys like Barbie's and baby dolls with Ds's (trust me I bought them for them and tried to foist it on them to no avail)

I always wanted a girl and had a boy. But in the end I think it was right for me, as I am not a very girlie girl and wouldn't have wanted to take a dd to ballet classes and the like (not that I enjoyed the football particularly, when it was cold and muddy but these days there is probably an increasing likelihood of taking a girl to play football too :) )

My ds is pretty uncomplicated and huggy.

Advice - keep a boy away from computer games for as long as possible.

You’ll be fine.

I have two. One is very much a daddy’s boy but I have an extremely close relationship with the other one. We just love our cuddles!

This is so lovely to hear! I have two boys that are 3 and 5 and they are so loving I always worry they won’t be so much when they reach the teen years but this brings me hope!
Boys are great op try not to worry as pp said they start out with the same needs as girls anyway and you will be besotted!

Same here ❤️

Amen to this.

I have two boys. My eldest is a lovely, sensitive, caring, kind, extremely emotionally intelligent and emotionally intuitive boy (he's 10). In many ways he is what sexism tells us an 'ideal' girl should be like. Except he also likes guns and wrestling with his brother : )

I hate the idea that boys are ' uncomplicated'. All that means is that their individual feelings and needs are not being heard, perhaps because no-one gives them to space to speak them.

OP, teach your son about emotions, help him to develop emotional intelligence. Make sure you have plenty of safe, quiet down time with him to give him space to talk to you about his thoughts and worries.

I understand how you feel, op. I grew up in an all-female household and went to girls' boarding school too. I'm currently expecting a baby boy and I'm excited but also feel out of my depth a bit (even though I teach in a boys' school!)

I think the first comment had it right, we'll learn as we go along as the boy grows up from a baby.

I sometimes like to read (but not comment on) threads on the Parenting board here, when they have a question or concern about their son of whatever age. It's giving me a kind of idea of the sorts of things I might encounter.