To be nervous about raising a boy

[theprincessthepea]

I know… the only thing that is important is having a healthy baby.

I found out the gender of my unborn is a boy and although it’s exciting I am so nervous about being the mother of a boy. I have a daughter (preteen). I grew up around women, dad left when I was young and it has been mum and sister for decades. Although I have uncles I’ve have never been close to any of them. Weirdly have worked in predominantly female teams. I wonder if my upbringing is playing a role in my nerves - which I think stems from not feeling as if I know enough to raise a son. My OH is very supportive and I’m sure I will be leaning on him.

I also do not want this to become a gender debate. I’ve spoken to friends/family with both and they’ve mentioned slight differences but the love is the same.

I know I am being very unreasonable! But I cannot be the only one that has ever felt like this? I’m probably looking for other people that might have felt this way.

I think it is perfectly understandable to be abit unsure about having a boy.
I thought that too, mostly what and how do they tick.
I think as your pregnancy progresses you natural maternal bond will happen once he arrives.
A son is a delight, they can be strong willed, sensitive, fun, adventurous, sweet snuggly just as a girl.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable OP. It's normal to wonder about the differences in raising boys and girls and what kind of bond, interests, points of ref etc they're most likely to have.

I was just like you, from a mostly female world and suddenly pregnant with a boy and wondering if I'd know enough to be able to navigate his growing up. But weirdly I had a preference for a boy; I suppose I was (still am!) excited for the challenge and being able to immerse myself in how the other half lives and shape it a little bit through this individual. Could you maybe look at it as an exciting challenge rather than something to be worried about?

I find it unhelpful when people say there's no differences and what matters is the individual. Of course we're always parenting a specific individual and have to adapt to their character. But we live in a highly gendered world. There's no denying that parenting a girl and a boy will be different to an extent because you'll be reacting to and mitigating expectations the world will put on your children based on their sex, regardless of who they are as individuals.

Bring him up to kind, gentle and respectful to women, teach him right from wrong, educate him, love him, enjoy your lovely son. Basically just love him!

I really get the op and I've had the same feeling as her when I found out that dc2 will be a boy.

It is lovely that so many on here are coming on the thread to say "don't worry, I've got lovely sons, they hug me" - I've got no doubt about that, and I'm sure my ds will also be lovely and hug me.

I do think that it's disingenuous to say "just raise him as you do your dd". Of course I'll be teaching both the same values of kindness, honesty, responsibility etc etc. But the fact remains that men are more likely to be violent, criminal, etc than women on a societal scale. It's surely responsible and sensible for parents to be mindful of this and question if there's anything we can do in the home to prevent it.

It starts so young, too. There have been recent problems in my dd's nursery class with kids pushing other kids over onto the floor. Three known recurring culprits, all boys. Majority of the pushing "victims" have been girls.

Now why? Why are the ones doing the pushing all boys? Why are they pushing girls? Whether it's an innate thing or the parents are doing something "wrong", surely as a parent it's not stupid to think, how can I prevent my son from being like that.

Edit: I'm very looking forward to meeting my boy. He will be very precious. I wanted to make that clear- it doesn't stop me thinking though "how can I make sure he doesn't push other kids over at nursery"!

@Mummymummy89 Absolutely. It's ridiculous to pretend there aren't issues in society that need to be clear sightedly addressed.

I think girls and social media is a bigger issue to be honest.

@Charlie2121 "I think girls and social media is a bigger issue to be honest."
A problem-yes. But bigger than male violence?

Overall I think it is a bigger problem for society as a whole.

Obviously one case of male violence (or female for that matter) is likely to be far worse than one case of negative social media influence however the cumulative vast scale of social media related negative issues dwarfs it.

I thought I was misunderstanding you.
In what way do you think girls and social media is worse for society than male violence? What kind of cumulative affects have you seen to make you think this?

And both boys and girls are damaged by social media.