AIBU to think the pressure for ‘older’ women to exercise is wrong?

[StitchInLime]

So as a woman in my late 40s, I keep getting told (via ads, from some people in my life, via tv and so on) that I need to do strength exercises and cardio if I don’t want to suffer later in life. And yet, it’s the woman I know who did f-all exercise at my age and before who seem to be thriving in their 60s/70s (eg my aunts) and the ones who did more exercise at my age now have issues with knees, hips etc. I find it difficult to find the motivation in light of this. If you have opposite examples, please share as I really need to motivate myself!

I hated school sports but like you, I did a lot of walking. I got the bus to school, but pretty much every other journey was on foot. I walked to friends houses, into town, to the cinema - getting the bus was never an option as it used up too much of my pocket money

I was also very active outside of school - we did skiing holidays and hiking holidays as a family, or went to Center Parcs and spent hours swimming or playing sports there. Even with friends at weekends we walked around town for hours, or round the park - if we wanted to go anywhere, it was on foot. It all adds up.

I didn’t read all 14 pages, but I started strength training 6 years ago at 55.

I recently had my first bone scan and my doctor nearly had a cow when she read it to me. She said it was absolutely fantastic. I credit the exercise.

I’m definitely a bit overweight but I maintain this weight really well and I think that’s also due to the strength work.

I think that’s been a massive change. When I was at secondary school it was almost unheard of to be driven to school by a parent. Now, I drive past a school on my way to work and the road is completely blocked by cars dropping off, it seems to be the norm. So the majority of the kids aren’t even walking as far as a bus stop.

My dad only drove me to school once, the morning after the hurricane of 1987. That was it, in 14 years of education!

If we go back to original topic, walking is of course great, but there is tons of evidence that we (middle aged women) should be doing resistance training as well. You don't have to go to gym if that's not your thing, plenty you can do at home.

Yes I think the walking would be the difference to school, around town, to clubs, running errands.
Now lots are driven everywhere, picked up and dropped off due to safety concerns.
My teen will make plans to go to x on public transport then changes to y’s mum is taking us she doesn’t want her dd getting train/bus.

Do any knowledgeable women know if it’s OK to do strength and exercise, but just not that much! I do:

• 8 minutes every other day of 3kg (smallish) weights on arms at home. And some squats and stretches.
• Walk around 2 miles a day.
• Run for about 1 minute during a walk.
• Also walk and take the bus usually as I don’t have a car.

I feel a lot of pressure to do like 30 mins of ‘cardio’ and 20 minutes in the gym of weights/resistance. But I just don’t like the gym and hate classes! Maybe I am fooling myself that the above is enough…😐

@SingleMum11 you're doing cardio when you walk providing you do it at a brisk pace. Get a cheap sports watch to count your steps for you, or check on your phone's health app as that will count steps when you're carrying it and see what you are doing on average. The 10,000 steps a day thing is not proven to be most beneficial, but walking is great exercise for your heart.

To get real benefits from weights or weight bearing exercise you really need progression, so lift heavier weights over time/do more reps. Your form also needs to be good to help avoid injury. The minutes you spend doing it is kind of immaterial. To give you an example, if you do 10 push ups and just keep doing 10 push ups every other day, it gets easier and it's not doing much. If you increase the number you do then that's progression. Do your squats with a weight in each hand. Get heavier weights and build up to those. The glutes and leg muscles are big muscles so you should be able to use heavier weights than when doing arm exercises. Maybe add some lunges into your home exercise routine. You could also vary the exercises you are doing to ensure they are challenging. You might find a session with a PT beneficial. It takes a lot of work and low body fat to look muscular so don't be put off lifting weights because you don't want to look ripped!

Reading with interest as I’m in the gym.
I’m 56. Never in a million years would I have ventured into a gym but happened to be leaving the kids off so gave it a go. Best decision EVER. Feel so much better. Mentally and physically. Gets me away from work, the house and everyone…much needed time in my own.

Each to their own though.

I think you’re probably wrong, OP, but I can definitely identify with the spirit of what you’re saying. I am mid-40s and I don’t have a tonne of time left over once I’ve finished working full time, making sure my family has a healthy and home cooked diet, facilitating the sports that will lead my children into a healthy lifestyle, doing some ‘self care’ for my mental health, spending quality time with my partner and the myriad other things I’m told I have to do. Embarking on a weight training regime feels like it might tip me over into actual insanity. I manage some sporadic Pilates (which is fantastic, would recommend) and some walks to keep my steps up and my weight healthy. It’s never enough and it’s very wearing.

You are being very short-sighted to think only of your 60s/70s - more and more people are living to 90 and over, especially women. Staying fit is the difference between spending years 75-100 in poor health, unable to be independent etc, and spending maybe years 95-100 like that.

Something I am slightly evangelical about is: when you take your kids to the park, use the time as exercise time (unless they are literally at the 18mo stage where you have to be physically hovering two inches from them at every moment to stop them eating the sandpit etc.).

When I take my kid to the playground, we bike there, then I power walk circles around the equipment/park and do my weights while keeping an eye on her. I’ve given up caring if it looks silly, and nobody’s ever commented. My weight bag lives near the door. If I stop to chat with other mums, I continue with my weights. Or suggest we “walk and talk,” if there is no reason why not!

I only occasionally see other adults doing any exercise at the play park, and the few who are doing so are usually men. It’s not due to parents feeling unable to take their attention from their child from a single second either; I would say that over 50% of the parents I see are staring at their phones pretty much non-stop. I can actually watch and interact with my child much more closely than this group, because I don’t constantly have a screen jammed in my face.

As for walking: I think there is a lot of inability to grasp the fact that “fitting exercise into your everyday life” means having a bit of resilience about the fact that sometimes it’s a bit hot, sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it rains, sometimes you’ll have something heavy with you that you need to carry or push. Unless you can learn to be OK with the fact that you might (gasp) have to do walking or biking in less-than-ideal, non-perfectly-climate-controlled conditions and that sometimes you might have stuff with you and have to manage that by carrying or wheeling it, you are not going to be able to have a lifestyle where you fit it in as you go along.

I do not drive but sometimes stay with my parents in their suburban location where everyone drives. Nobody ever wants to admit out loud that they are lazy about jumping into the car at the drop of a hat, but most motorists, in my experience, make a LOT of completely unnecessary journeys that could be avoided with better planning, and have amazingly little resilience about walking, especially if the weather isn’t absolutely perfect, or if there is a possibility that they might feel a bit tired. But if you never feel physically tired out, you are almost certainly not getting enough exercise! We’re supposed to feel tired sometimes.

I mentioned above the woman I know who is getting a flat with no parking, and whose car will be living in a private car park 10 minutes walk from her. So many people I know seem to be horrified at her idea of storing a little fold up pushcart/beach cart/old buggy and a big comfy rucksack and a raincoat in the boot of her car, so that she can take any shopping or items to her flat. “But that will be a nightmare! You won’t want to do that!? How will you cope?” Jeez. She’s a healthy 30-something woman! It’s 10 minutes. How do they think I cope with no car at all?

Thanks for the tips @NigelHarmansNewWife I think I should increase the weights slowly. When do you ‘stop’ though with the increases? 😀

I completely agree about walking. As I haven’t had a car for a long time, I find there’s a really stark divide between people who only ‘go on a country walk’ or ‘go to the gym’ etc - my friends who do that never just walk to the shops. They also seem to need to park right outside where they are going, getting cross if they can’t get the car within a few yards. I find that really strange.

You don't really. As you get stronger you'll find you can lift more. Joining a gym or hiring a PT would be something to look at doing to get a proper work out and help you meet your goals. There's lots you can do with bodyweight too.

This is not about body image or looking good - this is about staying healthy - arthritis is more genetics then lifestyle - I’m 59 and increasing my exercise levels has improved my joint pain, fitness and flexibility - you don’t need to jog and hammer your joints - regular brisk walking - swimming - yoga - cycling - all brilliant and will keep you active and healthy - also gives you a sense of well-being afterwards and you can eat more !! That’s a result for me 😂

My local supermarket is 10 mins walk away so carrying the weekly shop home is a bonus workout. Although I’m just shopping for me & the cats - I get that it would be somewhat tougher for someone buying for more people.

Where is the OP? Certainly not engaging with those whose views she sought.

What an odd post. Surely you understand the benefits of exercise for general psychical and mental well-being? Your aunts were probably very active naturally - not going to gym but not sat in an office chair all day. My mum didn’t go to gym but was a nurse on her feet all day, cycled to work and lifted heavy stuff at work so naturally was fit without “trying”. We have massively sedentary lives now so need to make a conscious effort

Wow, well done, that's amazing. To give up smoking then get fitter. I have a lot of respect for you.

I'm in my late 50s. I've been pretty inconsistent with exercise all my life. Sometimes doing a lot, other times none at all. But I think as you get older and realise that you don't have unlimited years ahead of you it focuses the mind on wanting those years to be as healthy as possible. I eat better, I'm trying (not always successfully!) to drink less alcohol and exercise regularly. I walk a lot, swim, do 15 minutes of weights every day and some yoga occasionally. I feel fitter, stronger and healthier.

In general I think the messaging is good. But as they say 'you do you'. If you don't like it, just ignore it. I have friends who don't exercise at all and they're happy with that. I like that exercise lifts my mood, I think my skin is better and some of the aches and pains I was starting to get have gone.

I exercise because it's important to keep active, but even on here people are overselling the whole it will make you look better thing.

Well yes maybe if you are thin but saggy it will help, but if like me you're sturdy unless you're running long distances or lifting heavy weights you aren't going to see much difference.

It's a bit like parkrun where everyone assumes I've only been doing it for a few weeks because I'm fat and slow. The sad truth is that I've been doing it for years and have just got slower ( less fat though as have been low carbing). Many people think that exercise will create some Cinderella like transformation, whereas for many of us of a certain age it's just about preventing any decline.

@rookiemere there's evidence that low carb eating is not beneficial for middle aged women. To lose weight you need a calorie deficit. There are very few people for whom a calorie deficit won't result in weight loss. If you are "sturdy"/fat/overweight diet is what will make you lose weight. Exercise is for health, and particularly beneficial for heart health.

Cutting out major food groups and eliminating the things you enjoy eating completely will result in you being tired, unhappy and, ultimately, failing to lose the weight you want to.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 19/11/2023 09:40

There is growing evidence that strength exercise in your 40s reduces risk of osteoporosis and other lifestyle limiting problems (reduction in muscular strength leading to falls…)

That knowledge is being shared with people.

This ^ They're not telling you to compete in an Ironman every weekend. Exercise is important at every stage of life, and it doesn't become less important just because someone has hit 40 or 50 or 60. The type of exercise might change, especially if you haven't spent 20 years at that point lifting weights and running, but there are plenty of gym classes for older people, pilates specifically for over 40s/50s, aqua-aerobics etc. You don't have to exercise/exercise more if you don't want to, but the message that movement is important and doesn't stop being important is going out to everyone because it's based on research. It's up to each individual to decide how much they care about health and movement and what they want to do about it, but the information should be out there

We have ongoing brainwashing to look a certain way from a young age.
Exercise if we want. We constantly hear about looking good - Botox, strained facelifts, fat silly lips and odd looking eyebrows. Why oh why not embrace our natural maturity. This comes with much experience.
Hair transplants?
Yes, yes yes to hair colour.
Please not the silly clown type, surgically enhanced faces we see daily. Oh and those horrid nasty tattoos, they look horrendous particularly on mature skin. Exercise if you want but be realistic.