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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a prenup?

133 replies

Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:20

I have assets (property) which I own together with my parents and siblings, and the flat we live in is mine. He doesn’t have any assets. Our income is similar. I asked him if we can do a prenup but he said that if I don’t trust him, I shouldn’t marry him.

OP posts:
muchalover · 18/11/2023 21:21

I think he's right. You shouldn't marry him.

Allywill · 18/11/2023 21:21

Are you uk based? They are not legally enforceable in the Uk.

Littleredcorvettepurplerain · 18/11/2023 21:21

Pre-nups aren’t legal in the UK if that’s where you are…

Caffeinequeen91 · 18/11/2023 21:22

Don’t marry him. Don’t get caught up in the romance! I’m married but we each brought nothing to the marriage so it was even!

Original poster
Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:22

Yes I’m in the UK.
Do you mean I shouldn’t marry him because I should protect my assets or because I’m unfair in asking for a prenup?

OP posts:
Snowpaw · 18/11/2023 21:23

I have assets, my DP doesn't. I don't want to marry for that reason.

Totaly · 18/11/2023 21:23

You can protect your assets in other ways - speak to a solicitor and ring fence properties.

You could also set up trust funds.

Littlebitpsycho · 18/11/2023 21:25

Totaly · 18/11/2023 21:23

You can protect your assets in other ways - speak to a solicitor and ring fence properties.

You could also set up trust funds.

Agree with this

Out of curiosity, would he still want to get married if you protected your assets first?

Original poster
Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:27

@Totaly thank you, that’s interesting, I’ll look into that now

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 18/11/2023 21:28

You shouldn't marry him. Protect your assets.

muchalover · 18/11/2023 21:28

He should want you to be protected to demonstrate he is not going to strip you of your assets should your relationship breakdown for ANY reason. Because he is not marrying you for them.

But he doesn't. You need to draw the conclusions from that.

When they tell you who they are....listen.

Familylawso1icitor · 18/11/2023 21:30

Family law solicitor here. Do not marry without one unless you are happy to share your assets.

Pre-nups can have legal weight in the UK.
The posters who say they have no legal weight are out of date (since Radmacher v Granatino Supreme Court case in 2009).
And please don’t just enter into a deed of trust for the properties - I see people monthly who thought was sufficient before getting married - it’s not. Putting in trust after marriage also not sufficient. Pre-nup, properly prepared. You will both need legal advice for it to be binding.

Original poster
Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:38

Thank you that’s very helpful

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 18/11/2023 21:43

muchalover · 18/11/2023 21:28

He should want you to be protected to demonstrate he is not going to strip you of your assets should your relationship breakdown for ANY reason. Because he is not marrying you for them.

But he doesn't. You need to draw the conclusions from that.

When they tell you who they are....listen.

I don't agree with this at all. If my dh had suggested a prenup I wouldn't have married him and if he'd suggested that I should have wanted him to be protected I'd have laughed at him.

Marriage is about partnership and mutual protection. If you want what is yours to remain yours without challenge then stay single.

burnoutbabe · 18/11/2023 21:59

Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:22

Yes I’m in the UK.
Do you mean I shouldn’t marry him because I should protect my assets or because I’m unfair in asking for a prenup?

I'd not marry him to protect your assets

(Also not arrived for same reason though my partner does have assets at least so less risk) no kids and no kids wanted so zero real reason to marry bar it would be nice.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 18/11/2023 22:02

He’s after your money and property. Don’t let him guilt trip you, protect your assets.

Cookerhood · 18/11/2023 22:07

We've helped our DD & her DH with the deposit for their house & have insisted on a pre nup as part of that. It took the onus off her. We have seen a friend get into a terrible mess after an 18 month marriage. He will lose his house & half his pension.

coodawoodashooda · 18/11/2023 22:11

Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:27

@Totaly thank you, that’s interesting, I’ll look into that now

I was totally robbed by my xh. I'd not marry again in your position

RachelFuchsalot · 18/11/2023 22:15

I am never going to re-marry simply because I don't want anyone other than my children to end up with my very considerable assets.

There is no reason ever to marry unless you are going to have children and are going to be financially disadvantaged as a result. In which case it's a must.

Changingplace · 18/11/2023 22:16

Deedee37 · 18/11/2023 21:22

Yes I’m in the UK.
Do you mean I shouldn’t marry him because I should protect my assets or because I’m unfair in asking for a prenup?

You shouldn’t marry him because pre nups aren’t legal in the UK.

Definitelynotem · 18/11/2023 22:17

I’m with you OP! It’s easy to say it’s about trust when you don’t have anything. Ultimately it’s not just your assets that are at stake it’s your siblings.

myotherkidisacassowary · 18/11/2023 22:20

People who clearly are not lawyers always leap in to these threads to say ‘pre-nups aren’t legal in the UK’ and they really don’t know what they’re talking about.

A pre-nup which is to the clear disadvantage of one party will not be enforceable, and neither (in most circumstances) is a prenup which tries to control what happens to property acquired after you marry. But a fair and reasonable prenup which both parties have agreed to after taking independent legal advice often will be enforceable.

In your circumstances if he can’t see why you want to protect property you co-own with family, I would see that as a red flag.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 18/11/2023 22:20

Changingplace · 18/11/2023 22:16

You shouldn’t marry him because pre nups aren’t legal in the UK.

Show quote history

Not a family lawyer are you?

gano · 18/11/2023 22:22

A prenuptial does hold some weight in the UK, but not in the same way as one would in the US. I had one, because I had significant financial assets (due to an inheritance) and my stbxh didn't. I basically ringfenced the inheritance and he was more than happy to agree to that. I'm currently in the process of divorce, he is entitled to his share of the house, as he contributed and was named on the mortgage - this is fair enough, but he isn't entitled to any of my inheritance money.

RantyAnty · 18/11/2023 22:25

What is the background with him?

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