To think teenage girls are not very nice! (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

[KitKatrunchie]

So fed up off my dd being excluded one week included the next! Is this normal ?
I feel so up and down
on the other hand there’s a part of me that thinks maybe my dd does it to others too? I do recall the girl that’s excluding her right now telling her she felt excluded a few weeks ago!

please tell me the teenage years work out ok. My head hurts from all the thinking

They're dicks, not bitches.

Ha! You’ve edited the title but totally missed the point of why it was offensive! It wasn’t the word bitch it was the blanket application to all teenage girls. Instead you’ve just called my teenage dds not very nice. I might think of some words I could use to describe you too!

by that logic OP was applying it to her own dd too - so no need for you to grandstand that you can name call too

I can’t get behind the outrage about name calling. It’s not something you can protest about and eradicate. For whatever reason people have a need to refer to people they find unpleasant in an unflattering way. It’s as impotent as deciding that everyone should just ‘be kind’ to one another. In real life it just doesn’t work because society is complicated and provokes emotions that need to be quantified and described.

I wouldn’t necessarily be moved to call teenage girls bitches myself but I do find that a lot of teenagers fit into a more general ‘wanker’ category. Thankfully a high percentage grow out of it eventually.

My only advice is to move her away from social circles that are just toxic if it’s reasonably easy to do so. I wouldn’t carry on working in an environment like that without looking for a new position so I think it’s entirely reasonable to take a punt on a new school and minimising her exposure.

Any particular reason why you're taking this so personally?

Yes she was applying it to her dd, and to her teenage self for that matter, which is why you’d think she would think twice about it.

I'm in my 70s and that' how my teenage years were.

It sucks and I couldn't wait to leave school.

Never saw any of them again - especially the 'friends'

In all seriousness, how do you know what they're like in school and around their peers?

I’m trying to make the OP see the effect of calling teenage girls bitches and writing them all off as awful and therefore not something her dd can do anything about. If her dd was told there are nice girls out there you just need to ditch this lot, then she may find friendship and happiness. If her mum’s response is to tell her well teenage girls are just like that then her dd won’t see the point in moving on from this lot and will likely also feel bad about herself and her place in the world.

I can hand on heart say my dear teenage stepdaughters are lovely kind people.

Also to add OP's daughter is also a teenage girl so therefore also "not very nice" in OP's mind?

Exactly!

Maybe she recognised that there have been moments herself and her dd have been bitchy 🤷‍♀️

I doubt she’s thought that deeply Tbf. Even if you recognise others behaviour in yourself it doesn’t mean you’d have taken to the extremes someone else has or you understood the impact it would have on someone else at the time. It’s not an entirely bad thing to have experience of both sides.

Bloody horrible! It is a very stressful time with teen girls. The bullying and mean girls we have come across has been unbelievable.

But I know better than to think too deeply what someone off the internet calls me? So I wouldn’t care.

I asked to change the word as I was so upset when I wrote it I used a word I’m not particularly proud of(although I know what I meant and it’s not what’s some people are saying it is) however I did not use the word ‘all’ and never have. I wrote it out when upset and halfway through writing it out considered maybe my dd has done these things too -

honestly I really do think some people on here are just looking to argue and be offended.

thank you to everyone who gave experiences and advice, understanding the view in which I’m coming from. it’s been really helpful

to be clear I’m not calling all your teenager children, nieces, nephews, etc bitches I’m just expressing why do they have to treat each other this way. Sadly some of the responses on this thread are not too far off the behaviour I was describing

I doubt she’s thought that deeply Tbf.

I am suggesting that deeper thought on the matter may help her daughter negotiate this tricky time of life.

It’s hard and I think I actually feel more stressed than my dd at time - which I do hide from her (before anyone comes at me for that)

I tend to think birds of a feather, and all that

I’m just expressing why do they have to treat each other this way.

“They” don’t…

Please think about this - it is not going to help your dd to believe this is just something she has to put up with.

I hear you. My 17 year old has just moved colleges as her ex-friend made her very uncomfortable where she was! 😡

I'll go against the grain here, no I don't think teenage girls are awful. it's all to do with circumstances/social circle/peers/upbringing/exposure

I know plenty of teenage girls who are total sweethearts.

I think sadly your daughter has fallen in with a group who are not so nice. perhaps this is a good opportunity for her to learn resilience?

I tend to think people who think like that are twats.

I understand your perspective but I don’t see how that’s particularly helpful to the immediate situation.

People, male or female, aren’t bullying and being horrible with any great thought or plan in mind. They’re not thinking ‘oh I’m insecure so I’m going to make Jade feel like shit and get all of our friends to stop talking to her’ it’s a basic action that rewards them with a feeling of control because they know they can make Jade feel upset. they don’t give a shit if Jade understands what led to that thought process and in truth why is it up to Jade to be the better person?

While she’s in the middle of an ongoing situation that kind of analysis does precisely nothing. It might be helpful to her after the fact or even influence her future behaviour. In the middle of it though I think it’s fine not to flog people for having a gut reaction to basic provocations - Up to and including coarse name calling, if that gives them back some control of the situation the imho it’s fine 🤷‍♀️

That’s really not what I was saying at all, but I’ve made my point a few times in this thread already and don’t feel I have anything else to add.

The op has suggested in her initial post that her dd might be acting in the same way to be fair.

I agree. Lots of us posted last night that we know lots of teenage girls who are not bitches as per the original thread title. I know lots of nice ones. I did suggest op encourages her dd to find nicer friends, although I then noted op thinks her dd might be behaving unkindly too, so maybe best to leave the nice kids alone.