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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ARGH unexpected visitors, messy house

119 replies

shopping247 · 17/11/2023 14:33

I am so so so mortified. House is a complete tip right now. We are in the middle of a 'huge sort out' that has carried on longer than planned as we haven't had a chance to finish as we have had a lot going on, so there is just junk and clutter piled everywhere. It is BAD. Kitchen was a mess too. Bins need emptying. You know, the lot. Typically, I have this whole weekend free ready to sort it all out!!!

So I come home today to hear that DH had bumped into our neighbours and chatted to them about a problem we were having with something needing fixing. So of course, he invites them in, the husband with his wife in tow, to have a look. Inside our absolutely chaotic, messy, pigsty of a house. NDN are a lovely couple, their house is immaculate from what I have seen of it.

I could kill him and I just want the ground to swallow me up!!! I never want to see them again! I want to move

AIBU to ask you to please me feel better and tell me this has happened to you too 😭

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 17/11/2023 14:35

When you bump into the wife next time totally blame the husband. Like what the hell had he been doing while I was at work crazy man 😂

itsmeafterall · 17/11/2023 14:36

We have a cat that vomits a lot. Daily. In all sorts of places. Came back from a walk with a friend and opened the door and had to step over a pile of vomit. Walked into the kitchen which had a huge pile of last nights dinner stuff all piled up. And more cat vomit.

🤮🤓🙄😮 you are not alone.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 17/11/2023 14:36

Oh god!! This is my worst nightmare but I’m sure they didn’t care! Don’t worry about it, they are probably thinking they need a clear out too!

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 17/11/2023 14:46

I was in the throes of severe morning sickness and dressed in scruffy old clothes and making a half-hearted attempt to tidy up the mountain of older dc’s toys in the living room.

Was on the verge of giving up and going back to bed when dh’s colleague unexpectedly turned up with his very elegantly dressed wife. To add insult to injury they’d arrived at the back door so had to walk through the kitchen with unwashed dishes, full bin and dirty washing basket. I carried on a conversation with them still sat on the floor, because I felt too ill to move. Absolutely mortified.

MojoMoon · 17/11/2023 14:50

No. Don't perpetuate the pressure on women to have permanently immaculate homes by sharing stories of how "mortified" you are.

Men do not feel this pressure because it is not put upon them. They can be busy running their careers, countries or be perfecting their hobbies because they rightly do not give a monkeys about your neighbour seeing an untidy house.

Your house was untidy. It really doesn't matter.

scarlett88 · 17/11/2023 14:51

Oh darling don't torture yourself we are all human and I am positive your neighbours will have thought nothing of it unless they are unkind and judgemental. Try and put your self in the reverse you would probably just think "they are having a sort out". Don't let it come between you and your husband but maybe just say in future if you could just run it by me or give me a heads up I would appreciate it.

RudolfsLeftToe · 17/11/2023 14:56

This happened to me with a school mum 🙈 I’d blocked the shame out and now I’m reliving it!
My DC had been poorly and we hadn’t slept for days or had time to tidy, clean, do washing etc for days. My mum had come to help and was watching them whilst I went to get supplies and this mum arrived with a gift for DC so my mum invited her in.
She’d left -ran for the hills- by the time I arrived home and I was mortified. Our DCs are best friends now and she regularly comes to ours for dinner / sleep overs so the mmm can’t have been too appalled I guess…

coffeedrinking · 17/11/2023 15:07

I know it feels bad but they won’t be thinking of it! Seriously! I always think my house is messy but it’s more likely you’ve got high standards, it won’t have been as bad as you thought and they won’t have noticed the stuff that was obvious to you.

Somewhatchallenging · 17/11/2023 15:12

It wouldn’t really bother me. I mean, it would a little bit, but not majorly. Homes are lived in.

Delt · 17/11/2023 15:18

Do your sorting and then invite them over :-)

AnnaBegins · 17/11/2023 15:26

DH did this to us recently and I was out in a different city so could do nothing! He ended up with like 8 neighborhood kids playing in the living room so of course all the toys were out and I'd left early so the kitchen wasn't tidy. Neighborhood dad made a beeline for me at the next school event to tell me how messy my house is and how he'd never live like that. Was so embarrassed, until I spoke to his cleaner who says his house is a shit tip so now I feel much better Grin

applejack18 · 17/11/2023 15:27

Everyone judges everyone all of the time. So, who cares if they judge you!

You're in the middle of a clear out. That's amazing!

It's not a moral failing to have a messy home. It's not a moral failing to have some dirty moments either. Of course, it's not ideal, but we all do our best with the resources (energy/mental health/household teamwork) that we have.

I say this as someone who is messy and has a cleaner once a week to force me to do a weekly tidy!

But I forgive myself for being messy too. I want to improve it to set a better example to the kids.

To the poster about cat vomit. We came home once, with DC friends in tow, to a cat poo on the kitchen floor. They all shrugged and got on with playing. I cleaned it up obvs.

Gettingbysomehow · 17/11/2023 15:32

This happens to me all the time. I never explain or make excuses. I act as though everything is totally normal.

Whiteday · 17/11/2023 15:36

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 17/11/2023 14:46

I was in the throes of severe morning sickness and dressed in scruffy old clothes and making a half-hearted attempt to tidy up the mountain of older dc’s toys in the living room.

Was on the verge of giving up and going back to bed when dh’s colleague unexpectedly turned up with his very elegantly dressed wife. To add insult to injury they’d arrived at the back door so had to walk through the kitchen with unwashed dishes, full bin and dirty washing basket. I carried on a conversation with them still sat on the floor, because I felt too ill to move. Absolutely mortified.

Well I hope they offered to take DC off your hands for a couple of hours! I would if you were suffering morning sickness!

gannett · 17/11/2023 15:37

MojoMoon · 17/11/2023 14:50

No. Don't perpetuate the pressure on women to have permanently immaculate homes by sharing stories of how "mortified" you are.

Men do not feel this pressure because it is not put upon them. They can be busy running their careers, countries or be perfecting their hobbies because they rightly do not give a monkeys about your neighbour seeing an untidy house.

Your house was untidy. It really doesn't matter.

Exactly this.

I'm sure this has happened to me. I'm not a tidy person so mess doesn't especially register and I certainly wouldn't feel mortified. I also don't especially notice and certainly don't judge the tidiness/lack of in other people's homes. It doesn't matter. A bit of chaos in a home makes it feel lived-in. I probably feel more uncomfortable in a pristine show-home setting.

Gowlett · 17/11/2023 15:38

My house is the same. Started a big clearout (seem to do that every week!), then we all got sick so now there’s everything I unearthed last week plus the usual dishes, toys, clothes, whatever in the mix… And a wrecking ball DS (and DH) at home as well.

Nobody sees my place like this, except my mum. Then she’ll walk around, going into my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen all the while commenting how lovely my sister’s house is, how gorgeous their new extension is, and how well organised they are…

EnterFunnyNameHere · 17/11/2023 15:38

MojoMoon · 17/11/2023 14:50

No. Don't perpetuate the pressure on women to have permanently immaculate homes by sharing stories of how "mortified" you are.

Men do not feel this pressure because it is not put upon them. They can be busy running their careers, countries or be perfecting their hobbies because they rightly do not give a monkeys about your neighbour seeing an untidy house.

Your house was untidy. It really doesn't matter.

Well said!

gannett · 17/11/2023 15:40

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 17/11/2023 14:46

I was in the throes of severe morning sickness and dressed in scruffy old clothes and making a half-hearted attempt to tidy up the mountain of older dc’s toys in the living room.

Was on the verge of giving up and going back to bed when dh’s colleague unexpectedly turned up with his very elegantly dressed wife. To add insult to injury they’d arrived at the back door so had to walk through the kitchen with unwashed dishes, full bin and dirty washing basket. I carried on a conversation with them still sat on the floor, because I felt too ill to move. Absolutely mortified.

I have been the elegantly dressed partner popping back unexpectedly to DP's colleague's house - we;d been at dinner and his wife had obviously just been chilling in joggers. It wasn't mortifying for her! Why would I have judged?

I've also been the one in joggers at home when DP brings friends back unexpectedly, it's really no big deal.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/11/2023 15:42

This is something my DH would do. He would let anyone in or allow them to peer through the door and I hate it!

His parents aren’t the tidiest so he doesn’t really see mess in the same was as me. My parents have an immaculate house so any messiness drives me mad. I’m fighting against the current with two messy DDs and a messy DH. When I’m home, I keep on top of it but he doesn’t and then I will come back to a state and zero energy to start tidying. He’s got better over the years and the number of massive tidy ups we’ve had to do.

scoopoftheday · 17/11/2023 15:50

We'd a valuer come to look around our house.

I had it tidied everywhere. Except our bedroom where dh and I had a very fast paced steamy session that morning... (probably the breaking of a drought with young kids)

I didn't think he'd need to be in the bedroom. But it was the height of summer and I was outside in the garden with the youngest child at the time, telling the valuer to look where he needed to.

When he left I realised both the door to the bedroom and the door to the ensuite were open.

A used condom with a knot in it was perched on top of dh's bedside cabinet and my knickers were inside out on the ensuite floor.... (we aren't usually messy people)

Thank CHRIST I hadn't the wit to be affronted to chat to him when he was leaving but I was almost hyperventilating when I saw the doors open amd realised dh hadnt even thrown the condom in the bin 🙈🙈

That was 22 years ago and I still cringe about it now. 😳

Kayte198999 · 17/11/2023 15:58

Happens to me sometimes, I don't like unexpected visitors. However I've never thought any less of someone because they have a messy house or the bin needs taking out. If it's caked-dirt or very unsanitary then that's different but everyone makes mess and has a busy life. I doubt your neighbours have given it another thought

Smileycup · 17/11/2023 15:59

In-laws: visit - their house is immaculate. I didn’t have time to clean properly so shoved everything in our bedroom. Just flung in. Cleaned the communal areas. They took it upon themselves to look around the whole house. Grr.

In-laws call on the way from the airport, got an earlier flight, arriving a day early. Place a tip. Had to get their linen out of the dirty laundry as had planned to do all the prep the day before.

I now prepare several days in advance.

Namerequired · 17/11/2023 16:10

These are always the times when you get visitors, everyone knows that. Same as running into people when you look your worst.
If I was the neighbour I would love you more knowing you were just like me and human. I’m also mid a big sort out. Have spent days at it and the house looks way worse than it did before I started. I would not be happy if someone came in now. That said I’m at that point where I just don’t want to deal with it right now and am lying on the sofa with a hot water bottle. This is why they tell you to always leave yourself an out when decluttering. Oops.

Desecratedcoconut · 17/11/2023 16:13

Oh no. I hate it when that happens.

highdaysandholudays · 17/11/2023 16:14

@scoopoftheday best story ever Grin