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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ARGH unexpected visitors, messy house

119 replies

shopping247 · 17/11/2023 14:33

I am so so so mortified. House is a complete tip right now. We are in the middle of a 'huge sort out' that has carried on longer than planned as we haven't had a chance to finish as we have had a lot going on, so there is just junk and clutter piled everywhere. It is BAD. Kitchen was a mess too. Bins need emptying. You know, the lot. Typically, I have this whole weekend free ready to sort it all out!!!

So I come home today to hear that DH had bumped into our neighbours and chatted to them about a problem we were having with something needing fixing. So of course, he invites them in, the husband with his wife in tow, to have a look. Inside our absolutely chaotic, messy, pigsty of a house. NDN are a lovely couple, their house is immaculate from what I have seen of it.

I could kill him and I just want the ground to swallow me up!!! I never want to see them again! I want to move

AIBU to ask you to please me feel better and tell me this has happened to you too 😭

OP posts:

zingally · 17/11/2023 17:02

GOD YES.
Happened to me recently!

A Friday night when a friend suddenly texts "we're just finishing at the climbing centre. Can we pop in?" Didn't feel like I could say no, but the house was a shitshow!
The hoover badly needed running round, the toilet had seen cleaner days, there was just clutter everywhere! I was just cringing inside!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/11/2023 17:03

zingally · 17/11/2023 17:02

I’d have 100% said no to this!

stayathomer · 17/11/2023 17:08

Nobody ever pops in when it’s clean here, when place is falling apart, we get everyone!!! So typical! Next week (when place immaculate) ask them in to look at something else😉

Krankin · 17/11/2023 17:12

It's guaranteed that if you scrub your home until it's gleaming and looks show case, no one will come to the door.
The minute the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it, the dog has been sick on the rug and you're dressed like someone has thrown the remains of a jumble sale at you, someone will knock.
Sods law.
I'm in the take me as you find me camp. I hope my warm welcome and the offer of a brew with a slice of cake is why you're visiting, rather than my home.

stayathomer · 17/11/2023 17:15

I was in the throes of severe morning sickness and dressed in scruffy old clothes and making a half-hearted attempt to tidy up the mountain of older dc’s toys in the living room.

Was on the verge of giving up and going back to bed when dh’s colleague unexpectedly turned up with his very elegantly dressed wife.
A few years ago the police were going door to door about some vandalism down the road. I answered the door in fluffy red Christmas pjs and mismatching fluffy socks with my hair up in those shower cap things as I’d dyed it. There was a man and a woman. The man’s jaw dropped. she looked at me knowingly.

Men do not feel this pressure because it is not put upon them. They can be busy running their careers, countries or be perfecting their hobbies because they rightly do not give a monkeys about your neighbour seeing an untidy house.
Dh has regularly run about hiding stuff because someone is on the way and my friends have said the same about dps. Definitely not just a woman thing!!

DisquietintheRanks · 17/11/2023 17:16

MojoMoon · 17/11/2023 14:50

No. Don't perpetuate the pressure on women to have permanently immaculate homes by sharing stories of how "mortified" you are.

Your house was untidy. It really doesn't matter.

This. Why feel mortified, your husband clearly doesn't?

TerfTalking · 17/11/2023 17:19

It happens to the best. My lovely best friend lives in a beautiful, large house finished to an exceptional standard. She also has a cleaner, but is also obsessive about cleaning herself and gets her hands dirty as often as the cleaner. Her house is always immaculate, not a speck of dust. Or so I thought …

I was shocked one day when I called to drop something off uninvited and the kitchen was like a bomb had hit it at 11am. shocked I tell you ha ha. Every surface cluttered, the sink was full the dishwasher door open and full. Cans, bottles and wrappers all over. The utility door open and washing all over the floor.

I felt a wee bit happier after seeing that, we’re all the same! We have to live.

AHeadForHeights · 17/11/2023 17:22

Our house is never spotlessly clean and I'm not going to make a special effort to tidy up for guests. They come to see us, not the house, and if they don't like it then they're welcome to leave.

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/11/2023 17:39

I was handing out the cups of tea half way through a meeting at my house when I realised there was a cat poo on the floor near the sofa. They'd all noticed it too, but wee being politely quiet about it.

Wheelz46 · 17/11/2023 17:39

I had similar, kids emptied the full contents of their toy boxes which covered most of the floor. We didn't have time to tidy it away before going out. I get a phone call from family member while out wanting to drop something off, I gave her the number for the key code without even thinking about the mess. I was mortified 😆

DottyLottieLou · 18/11/2023 09:43

If they matter they don't mind. If they mind it doesn't matter.

celticprincess · 18/11/2023 10:53

I can’t live in a show home. I have friends who do but I can’t. I’m a single parent and can’t seem to ever get on top of the clutter. I have a friend though who’s house is 10 times worse than mine and never seems to care. My daughter had a friend over a couple of years ago last minute and the friend make a sarky comment about how her mum would hate how messy my house was. But can’t say my daughter was ever invited there to play, so that’s probably how she keeps it tidy. I don’t have people over here often to be honest. When they do come with advanced warning I do a quick tidy round but it’s never show home tidy. When you don’t have a utility room to hide the washing in, and access to the house is through the kitchen diner, then generally the whole house is seen by visitors. I’d love to get a cleaner but I know I can’t keep it tidy enough for a cleaner to do their job. Although I do watch that sort your life out tv show now and again to remind me how tidy my house is compared to people who appear on that.

extramile · 18/11/2023 10:54

Whenever I see a messy house I feel relieved. When I enter a spotless one, inadequate. I'm sure your neighbours weren't judging you.

Haggisfish3 · 18/11/2023 10:54

A neighbour was feeding our cat while we were away. I had tidied the kitchen specifically. She went off piste and went upstairs to turn off an alarm she could hear-the house actually looked like it had been burgled. Utterly
mortified.

yellowmoon487 · 18/11/2023 11:03

AnnaBegins · 17/11/2023 15:26

DH did this to us recently and I was out in a different city so could do nothing! He ended up with like 8 neighborhood kids playing in the living room so of course all the toys were out and I'd left early so the kitchen wasn't tidy. Neighborhood dad made a beeline for me at the next school event to tell me how messy my house is and how he'd never live like that. Was so embarrassed, until I spoke to his cleaner who says his house is a shit tip so now I feel much better

JC, what a nasty man!

Bosca · 18/11/2023 11:14

MojoMoon · 17/11/2023 14:50

No. Don't perpetuate the pressure on women to have permanently immaculate homes by sharing stories of how "mortified" you are.

Your house was untidy. It really doesn't matter.

Exactly. Assuming your house is not so filthy or full of crap it endangers your health or means your children are ashamed to invite friends over, it is a completely neutral fact whether your house is untidy or not. As evidenced by the OP’s DH inviting in the neighbours because he recognises it’s not important. It’s (some) women’s decision whether to bow to social pressure about tidy houses being women’s responsibility, or to resist it.

But there’s nothing to be gained by it. No wonder so many Mners are lonely if they feel they can only allow anyone into the houses once they’ve spent hours making them ‘visitor-ready’.

Winterscoming1 · 18/11/2023 11:21

My dh died just over 2 months ago and sorting the house is very much part of my coping mechanism. There's nearly 40 yrs of clutter and working through it all room by room has been so helpful. I try to keep my kitchen and living room reasonable in case of visitors but refuse to stress over it.
I'm sure your neighbours don't really care and remember it's not all up to you to tidy up.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 18/11/2023 12:38

Honestly this is my worst nightmare so I totally understand how you feel....but...

...If you went into their house and it was a complete tip, would you care? I think people probably don't care as much as you think they do!

Sofaz34 · 18/11/2023 12:48

Omg get over it, there are bigger things in life. If your husband explained about the mess, it's fine.

Tessisme · 18/11/2023 12:59

Our house always looks like a tip. Always. I wish it was only because we were sorting stuff or doing a clear out!

cockadoodledandy · 18/11/2023 14:48

Who cares? No ones house is tidy all the time. It’s not even remotely important.

caodha · 18/11/2023 16:16

Same thing happened to me lol I apologised to them and said I was mortified - husband was totally out of order haha you’ll get over it!

Doggymummar · 18/11/2023 16:19

He's helping them, why would they care?

Chickenlittl · 18/11/2023 16:24

Not quite the same but we had an architect out recently as we are thinking of doing some work to our house. As we are all stood in the hallway talking though potential plans my elderly fat ginger cat thinks it’s the perfect time to do an absolute abomination of a poo. Literally stank the whole house out. I was mortified! I couldn’t stop apologising and the architect said I think he might be ill and literally ran out of the door.

Damn cat.

Cakepop101 · 18/11/2023 16:46

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, like you said you were in the middle of a massive clear out and sorting out a problem! This is impossible to do without making a mess first!!
If they expected to walk into a show home, they would be silly!!! They sound like nice people so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. If they did mind, it’s not worth knowing them!
once you are all sorted and happy with your house, invite them in for thank you/festive drink and you can show off your beautiful home then!! 😊

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