Page 9 | SIL uninvited DCs to party

Cocoadoodle · 2023-11-17T11:35:10+00:00

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco. Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels. We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7 This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted. Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited. I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:23

if only 10% of kids planned on bringing kids i’d still think the host was being polite

it’s clearly not a family party and those bringing kids should have seen that and politely declined

kids do not belong at a 30th anyone knows that!

Whiteday · 17/11/2023 19:24

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:20

to be fair if there’s 100 invited and i knew only 10 of those were bringing kids i’d have read the room that kids were gatecrashing an adult party

So you expect what percentage to have children that need to be invited?

YourNameGoesHere · 17/11/2023 19:24

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:20

to be fair if there’s 100 invited and i knew only 10 of those were bringing kids i’d have read the room that kids were gatecrashing an adult party

Gosh the lengths people will go to, to prove the OP is unreasonable. These children were named on a bloody invite how are they gate-crashing? How on earth do you get to that conclusion?

RampantIvy · 17/11/2023 19:26

I'd be interested to know if/why the OP spent money on costumes. Surely they would just be made of things found around the house, or creatively? Who would spend money on kiddie fancy dress for a couple of hours at the pub?

@LaurieStrode I am not in the least bit imaginative or creative when it comes to fancy dress. I don't even own a sewing machine. I could cobble something together but it would look awful, and I would have to explain what it was meant to represent. So yes, I would be buying props and/or costumes.

RampantIvy · 17/11/2023 19:27

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:23

if only 10% of kids planned on bringing kids i’d still think the host was being polite

it’s clearly not a family party and those bringing kids should have seen that and politely declined

kids do not belong at a 30th anyone knows that!

Why?

They were invited.

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:31

i’d say majority is common sense

juat because they’re invited doesn’t mean they should go or that it’s wise

clearly op SIL was being polite

no one truely wants kids at a 30th come on!!! the fact OP initially questioned it means op suspected it was a more adult venue

id question why op would want her kids in that environment

Hereforthebunfights · 17/11/2023 19:38

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:31

i’d say majority is common sense

juat because they’re invited doesn’t mean they should go or that it’s wise

clearly op SIL was being polite

no one truely wants kids at a 30th come on!!! the fact OP initially questioned it means op suspected it was a more adult venue

id question why op would want her kids in that environment

This makes no sense. It's normal to invite family children to a family party.

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 19:43

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:23

if only 10% of kids planned on bringing kids i’d still think the host was being polite

it’s clearly not a family party and those bringing kids should have seen that and politely declined

kids do not belong at a 30th anyone knows that!

hahahahahahahahahaha nice try. 0/10

MistyMountainTop · 17/11/2023 19:48

RampantIvy · 17/11/2023 19:26

I'd be interested to know if/why the OP spent money on costumes. Surely they would just be made of things found around the house, or creatively? Who would spend money on kiddie fancy dress for a couple of hours at the pub?

@LaurieStrode I am not in the least bit imaginative or creative when it comes to fancy dress. I don't even own a sewing machine. I could cobble something together but it would look awful, and I would have to explain what it was meant to represent. So yes, I would be buying props and/or costumes.

Cardboard boxes with arms cut out & covered in Christmas wrapping paper, go.as Christmas presents. With the bonus that the paper can be used for actual presents later. Job's a gudun.

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 19:49

I suspect there’s some sockpuppeting going on on this thread. I mean none of the goadie fuckers contrary posters seem to be posting at the same time ;)

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 19:50

It's a fuck up on a significant scale.

I can't fathom why some people can't see that.

There are families travelling a significant distance who've booked hotels (that it will be too late to cancel) and paid for costumes who are finding out the day before their children (who were specifically included and named on the invitation) are not welcome.

I don't buy the fact the venue didn't mention it or that it wasn't in the T&C's of the booking - but let's say that was the case, the OP specifically questioned this weeks ago and was assured that children were welcome.

It absolutely smacks of entitlement when you take actions (or fail to take them) that incur considerable costs and consequences to other people.

Across all the families with children she's wasted hundreds of pounds of money (potentially thousands depending how many booked hotels).

In response she's done nothing that indicates she realises the extent of the issue or is remotely sorry about it - to the point the OP has to advise her to tell other families.

If she wanted an adult party that's absolutely fine.

The biggest error here is failing to check the situation weeks ago when asked by the OP to confirm the children's invitations, the second was not confirming with the venue in the first place.

For all those trying to imply it's not a big deal I question how they would feel if they'd spent £££ to attend this event and found their money had been wasted due to cancellations that can't be refunded or facing the prospect of going anyway and one parent entertaining the children in a hotel room whilst the other goes to the party or spending more money you didn't anticipate entertaining the children by doing something separately in an unfamiliar location instead of being stuck in the hotel.

MrsClatterbuck · 17/11/2023 19:52

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 19:50

It's a fuck up on a significant scale.

I can't fathom why some people can't see that.

There are families travelling a significant distance who've booked hotels (that it will be too late to cancel) and paid for costumes who are finding out the day before their children (who were specifically included and named on the invitation) are not welcome.

I don't buy the fact the venue didn't mention it or that it wasn't in the T&C's of the booking - but let's say that was the case, the OP specifically questioned this weeks ago and was assured that children were welcome.

It absolutely smacks of entitlement when you take actions (or fail to take them) that incur considerable costs and consequences to other people.

Across all the families with children she's wasted hundreds of pounds of money (potentially thousands depending how many booked hotels).

In response she's done nothing that indicates she realises the extent of the issue or is remotely sorry about it - to the point the OP has to advise her to tell other families.

If she wanted an adult party that's absolutely fine.

The biggest error here is failing to check the situation weeks ago when asked by the OP to confirm the children's invitations, the second was not confirming with the venue in the first place.

For all those trying to imply it's not a big deal I question how they would feel if they'd spent £££ to attend this event and found their money had been wasted due to cancellations that can't be refunded or facing the prospect of going anyway and one parent entertaining the children in a hotel room whilst the other goes to the party or spending more money you didn't anticipate entertaining the children by doing something separately in an unfamiliar location instead of being stuck in the hotel.

THIS IN SPADES

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 19:53

Alwaysanotherwine · 17/11/2023 19:31

i’d say majority is common sense

juat because they’re invited doesn’t mean they should go or that it’s wise

clearly op SIL was being polite

no one truely wants kids at a 30th come on!!! the fact OP initially questioned it means op suspected it was a more adult venue

id question why op would want her kids in that environment

Being polite does not include putting other people to considerable inconvenience or unnecessary expense.

If you want an adult party have one.

P.s you also missed the post about the SIL talking to the OP's children about the party and bigging it up with them.

JudgeJ · 17/11/2023 19:58

FFS, it's SILs birthday, she's fucked up, the kids will survive. All this talk of kids being devastated and billing SIL for an alternative party are absurd.

All true but it doesn't address the issue of what the various families do with their children especially if they're staying in a hotel.

SequinsandStiIettos · 17/11/2023 19:59

I'd be looking for a Wacky Warehouse and getting the 10-20 costumed kids, with one guardian each, to have a play with a slushie/chocolate bar whilst I had an adult chat.

If I was super generous and could move furniture out the way and put down a blankie, I'd then have them at mine for a Netflix movie and a bag of popcorn.
Sit them all on the floor like in primary school, they'll have done it before.

Ask parents to give you a £5 each kid and get some Dominos pizza.
You'll be an absolute shero and your kids get to all celebrate in their costumes.
Parents pick up at set time.

But...I do this for a living (stopping kids killing each other) so would have my teacher voice on. I appreciate others would say No way Jose.
Whatever happens OP, hope you make something out the day x

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 17/11/2023 20:01

Maybe everyone should meet up at op's and sack off the actual party...?

Mikimoto · 17/11/2023 20:11

OP should send her two off on sleepovers with pals, then see how SIL deals with the fallout of those travelling from afar with kids who now have nothing to do with them and no sitters!

Calliopespa · 17/11/2023 20:17

First World Problem. Someone is going to have to stay with the kids, download a movie and order in some pizza. It was a big ( and probably embarrassing) oversight but it’s NTEOTW.

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 20:23

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 17/11/2023 20:01

Maybe everyone should meet up at op's and sack off the actual party...?

Why is it the OP's problem to solve?

I'd be damned before the consequences of someone else's fuck up meant I was expected to spend my Saturday evening, instead of going to a family party, hosting/catering (paying for) and essentially babysitting up to 20 children of varying ages along with various other parents (I might not have much in common with apart from being pissed off at the situation) who've drawn the short straw in my own home (which I'd also have clean/make child friendly for smaller children). Then clean up the inevitable mess afterwards.

The upshot her is that the obligation is on the SIL to rectify her mistake by:

changing the venue (probably impossible)
apologising profusely and reimbursing peoples wasted money.

tuvamoodyson · 17/11/2023 20:28

YourNameGoesHere · 17/11/2023 15:49

Yes. It's right there in the very first post....

Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.

Show quote history

😂completely missed that bit….!

Ponderingwindow · 17/11/2023 20:41

I wouldn’t be sending one adult from our group. We would just do something different as a family tonight. Likely with the other families that are in town visiting. My area has an arcade, bowling, and roller skating. All would work for throwing on fancy dress and making a memorable night out for the family group.

the natural consequence for SIL not being able to find her own way out of a paper bag is that her party is going to be smaller.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 17/11/2023 20:46

1 check with the venue if this is true.

You DH needs to deal with his sister.

I would be fuming.

Scottishskifun · 17/11/2023 20:48

Wow I'm not surprised your not impressed OP!
I would be extremely annoyed especially if I was one of the relatives who had travelled and paying for a hotel!

Your SIL is in for a grilling with her family do something fun with yours 🙂

Userwithallthenumbers · 17/11/2023 20:49

@Cocoadoodle when you asked if kids were allowed, did you specifically ask 'does the venue allow kids?'. Or did you just ask if kids were allowed. It would never have occurred to me (age 50+, with kids) that a venue wouldn't allow them. So, unless someone specifically asked about the venue, I would think that the person was asking if their kids were included in the invitation.

She has clearly then rung the venue for last minute arrangements and has found out they can't come.

So many people on this thread assuming malign intent, self centredness etc. When it sounds like an annoying mistake and quite possibly one she is upset about herself as suddenly her party is likely to be much smaller than she planned.

As for all the 'have a separate party' nonsense, how rude that would be. Some people are likely to be able to get childcare, those who can't could split the evening, or one half go. Not ideal, but better than just saying fuck her and not going at all.

Calliopespa · 17/11/2023 20:57

Userwithallthenumbers · 17/11/2023 20:49

@Cocoadoodle when you asked if kids were allowed, did you specifically ask 'does the venue allow kids?'. Or did you just ask if kids were allowed. It would never have occurred to me (age 50+, with kids) that a venue wouldn't allow them. So, unless someone specifically asked about the venue, I would think that the person was asking if their kids were included in the invitation.

She has clearly then rung the venue for last minute arrangements and has found out they can't come.

So many people on this thread assuming malign intent, self centredness etc. When it sounds like an annoying mistake and quite possibly one she is upset about herself as suddenly her party is likely to be much smaller than she planned.

As for all the 'have a separate party' nonsense, how rude that would be. Some people are likely to be able to get childcare, those who can't could split the evening, or one half go. Not ideal, but better than just saying fuck her and not going at all.

Exactly. If you all get a wriggle on you might even find a babysitter or two .