Sister has started shoplifting

[Ahhifollowifollowyoudeepseababy]

She says it happened by accident at first, her young dc was in the front of the shopping trolley, her large bag in the actual trolley. Some items forgotten under the bag as she went through the cashier bit, loading the other things and rushing about, trying to pack and stop her dc from messing about/facing a tantrum. She says she realised afterwards that there were items under her bag, she said this happened a couple of times and now she can’t help but casually now put some things under the bag, face creams, meat etc. She’s a professional, degree educated early 40’s woman, they are ok financially but finding things harder. What will happen to her if caught? Why can’t she seem to stop now? She’s never been in trouble for anything in her life, it’s very out of character for her. She claims if caught, she’ll say it’s by accident and she didn’t realise when sorting her dc out.

I'd see if there's some mental health support/counselling that could help her.

Through gp or privately if they can afford it.

She needs to understand the adrenaline and dopamine rushes too. They could be compulsive/addictive.

Tell her they might build up info on her and she won't be able to say it was a one off accident/forgetfulness

Considering police and security do nothing I'd guess nothing. On the other hand maybe as an easy target she'd be charged instead of the violent thugs noone wants to challenge.

Honestly, would you not report other people undertaking ciminal activities, or does your no reporting rule only apply to your family members?

She's a professional... She won't be after a conviction for theft.

@jemenfous37 Tbh, I wouldn’t report other shoplifters, so I’m definitely not reporting my sister, I would find it very odd that you’d report yours/a family member

If she's in a professional job, could she lose her job if she's caught and prosecuted? This is what I'd be worried about if it was my sister doing this. Could you talk to her about the huge risk she's taking?

she might think she's saving money now, but if she's caught and it goes to court, she could lose her professional job for bringing her employer into disrepute - she'd feel the squeeze then presumably.

A few years ago I got to a supermarket carpark and found a small bar of chocolate I'd missed in the trolley. I was on holiday, so not a supermarket I go to often, but still feel guilty if I drive past.

I was perimenopausal - but no way did I think that gave me carte blanche to keep on doing it.

I've never heard of that. She's a thief.

@CubaLibre23 But do you think she has mental issues? This is what is worrying me

Utter rubbish!

Tbh, I wouldn’t report other shoplifters, so I’m definitely not reporting my sister, I would find it very odd that you’d report yours/a family member...

Wow, this is one major why prices are rising, and criminals act with impunity.
Why do you find it odd that most sensible citizens would report a crime?
Let's hope you are never a victim of a crime where witnesses won't bother to report.

Of course don’t report her, we know you are just trying to help her and understand why she is doing this.
You sound like you have a very good relationship with your sister and it is wonderful that you are reaching out to get advice

@jemenfous37

If I saw a down on their luck type of person shoplifting food / essentials I wouldn’t report them either.
Some people have very difficult lives and sometimes have to resort to this kind of behaviour, I don’t think you have much empathy

She says she has to stop but that it’s saving her money and things have been tougher financially.

Maybe it's just semantics, and others will probably disagree with me; but I object to her use of the term 'saving money'.

To me, saving money means getting a great bargain deal, being given something, finding a cheaper just-as-good alternative or deeming it unnecessary and simply doing without it.

Theft is not 'saving money'; it is stealing it.

This is bollocks! Police won't even be called unless it's over £200 worth of goods where I'm from!

@BlueGrey1 Totally agree! I just wouldn’t personally report a shoplifter

When I worked in a large Tesco a few years ago. I worked on the meat counter.
Security guard came over and asked what one of my customers had had off me. I told him, he said he would talk to us later.

He came back to us later and told us she was banned from the shop but they had pressed charges as they had been filming her for weeks. She had been stealing the expensive things like meat and face cream.
He told us they like to record them for a few weeks so they can’t use the I just forgot routine. If she isn’t totally skint and can’t feed her kids she is just a common thief and will be treated like one.

No, it could be a mental health issue or it could just be common or garden criminality.

If it's the former, I hope she gets help. If it's the latter, I hope she gets caught.

I once scanned something wrong (scanned a pink bleach but changed by mind and swapped for yellow, they have different bar codes) doing self scan and I happened to have a rescan. It came up as I hadn't scanned it so had to have my whole shop rescanned. This revealed that I had missed 3 things (I hadn't the rescan lady scanned more of the things than I had).

Anyway it looked like I had tried to walk out without paying for 3 things and she was so unbothered I was shocked. I guess they see it all the time but I was mortified, I couldn't steal I'm too honest.

It came up as I hadn't scanned it so had to have my whole shop rescanned. This revealed that I had missed 3 things (I hadn't the rescan lady scanned more of the things than I had).

Eh? How had you not missed anything if she scanned items in your trolley that you hadn't scanned? Do you mean that she scanned some items twice?

I agree that it's good she's told you as it must have been difficult for her to do so.

I'd encourage her to get counselling to try to get to the root of what's going on here. It sounds like there's an element of compulsive behaviour in that she doesn't want to do it but can't rein herself back.

She really needs to though because if she's doing this habitually there is a good chance that she's been spotted and they're just waiting for the total amount of stolen goods to reach a figure worth prosecuting. I would point this out to her and say she's very very lucky that she's not been challenged so far but one day, she will be, and she won't get notice of when that is so she needs to stop now.

She can use strategies to help herself until the counselling has an effect. Obviously stop going round supermarkets if at all possible - use delivery or click and collect. Distraction is good too - try to really focus on her son while she's in a shop and concentrate on what's going on with him rather than looking for things that are easy to steal.

It might help her to mentally play forward how it will go if she is escorted to the back - both the long term and short term events that will happen. Really connect that in her head with what she's been doing. Then when she's next in a shop and feeling the urge do something to bring her focus onto this play-forward work - tapping herself on her wrist or something that physically diverts her away from this drive that she's developed.

I hope she manages to crack it. You must be a lovely sister that she feels able to discuss this with you.

Yes I had 4 tins of beans and she scanned 5 etc.

I watched a tv programme about this on Wed evening. The store detectives (in the shop that the programme was partly recorded in) don't call the police or take it any further if the value of the stolen items is less than 200 pounds. They followed another man and woman who put some items in a bag and other items through the check out. When security approached them they said it was a genuine mistake. It was very clearly not a genuine mistake. Security said that as the items were low value, they couldn't do anything about it other than tell the customers they were being watched.

@BlueGrey1 You have no idea about my empathy levels
Yes of course people may have no other choice but to commit crime, but that is for the court to decide based on circumstances.
Clearly the OP knows her sister is a criminal, and that does not need to shoplift out of necessity. In fact, she has said she is now doing it for thrills
Some people murder 'for thrills'
Should we all be empathetic towards them and not bother reporting?