AIBU to ask whether a very chatty 13 year old DC in class is 'normal' behaviour?

[Coldwater12]

Ever since DS was in Year 5, his reports have been a mix of: very bright, able and lovely - but so chatty and easily distracted/distracts others.

We are now in Year 8. The school he's at starts to do GCSES from year 9 and as well as his competence/ability, his attitude to learning will determine what sets he goes into next year.

Just got his progress report through. All except two subjects trots out the standard progress line that covers 'chats too much' or 'gets distracted' which essentially, is the same issue. Not on task. Not focussed.

He's really, really angry and upset with him. He says he tries, and that the report doesn't reflect how he sees himself.

I don't know what to think. There are a few things that might lead me to think he's got ADHD but nothing major. And he's doing well in his work.

I just feel frustrated. Is this normal for his age group? And if so, how can I help him to stay quiet?

Totally normal. My DS2 had the same report for years. He knuckled down when it counted and did really well.
He just loves people, and chatting and sharing knowledge.
If he is doing well on tests etc I wouldn't worry too much.
Teachers often seem to prefer the quiet studious type over the sparky ones.

who is angry with him?

And he's doing well in his work.

so academically he is doing well?

is he easily distracted at home?

ADHD is major. And you can be academically able at the same time.

But quite possibly stopping others from doing so.

And also being bright, interested and effervescent should be a good thing. Our education system doesn't seem to always agree.

Can he concentrate at home on things he's not particularly interested in?

oh i don’t doubt that a possibility

but i was trying to establish whether he is performing well academically

Why is he so angry with himself?

Yes it is a normal thing to be distracted and chatty when young. He has to try not to disrupt the lessons and he has to accept the consequences if he annoys the teacher.

But it is hardly like fighting or bullying - it falls under normal immature behaviour.

Is he basically nice and is he doing well? If so, I would not be terribly worried by this.

You say he’s doing well with his work so the teacher/s are probably concerned that he is a distraction to other children in the class

You might reasonably expect a pupil of that age to have more impulse control, so ADHD could be a possibility. Does he have good "executive" skills- can he organise himself, get himself on task, move himself through tasks with several stages? Not things like computer games but dull everyday things?

It depends on the context. During class time, unrelated chatting isn't appropriate or helpful. It distracts others. During discussions and social time it's great

It depends what you mean by "normal". If you mean typical / average then no, most kids don't get this comment from multiple teachers IME. But normal in that it's within the range of normal behaviour, then yes. Some kids are chatty! I guess he doesn't see himself this way because he could be even more chatty and is trying to restrain himself? It definitely isn't something the teachers are just making up!

Mine was like that until puberty started after which he became so laid back he could hit his head on the floor; he still is.

Don't try to pin the ADHD label on your son. He may well change over the next year.

Some children are chattier than others - I'd say it was within the realms of normal even if it's not ideal.

It could be inattentive adhd. There are many tools online to help you get an idea if this is a possibility and ways to help.

but by yr 8, he should be able to focus for an extended period of time. This is both for his own success in gcse, as well as others in the class.

Him being chatty is normal, him being chatty and distracting other students, wasting teacher time and not focussing is bad. He might be doing well academically but I doubt he's listening properly, and his poor peers must thing he's a dick!

Whilst not belittling the possibility of ADHD I honestly don't think an early Year 8 lad (12 years old) being chatty in class is really that unusual.
He'll get told off. And reports like he's received. My DS also got annoyed about it. He had to lump it. He never got awards of house points (unlike his quiet siblings).
He did better than either of them...
I did repeatedly tell him to let others work too.
But honestly I think it's too easy to label kids for being, kids.

Do not call a thirteen year old boy - my son - a dick for no reason! Out of order.

the PP was not calling your son a dick

Thanks very much to everyone else except @TravellingT . Really helpful.

In response:

1 - He is very nice and the teachers like him. He just chats a lot - and yes, I have discussed at LENGTH with him how irritating it must be for others. And it's not acceptable

2 - He does his work well and he gets good grades.

3 - I think he does ok in terms of following through tasks and completing - he gets himself up, dressed, has his breakfast, sorts himself out for school and gets out of the door exactly on time eveyr morning. No big dramas. He never misses an instrument lesson at school - which I don't have to remind him for. If you tell him to go and do stuff - errands etc - at home or out - he follows through. What else is a measure of this?

4 - I'm not labelling him. Because even if he has ADD or ADHD (and I'll look up ADD, thanks) he's not going to get a diagnosis via the school. No one has ever mentioned it or suggested it. I just wonder sometimes

I just want him to STFU when he's meant to be listening. I don't want him to stop talking otherwise - honestly, he's an amazingly engaged, mature emotionally astute conversationalist. I love that about him. But class is about him being part of a bigger picture, and he needs to harness his focus

She was suggesting others call him a dick - it was unnecessary and very unhelpful

no.

The PP was suggesting the other pupils will think he’s a dick if he’s distracting and messing around

my son very similar to yours

my daughter the opposite and she certainly thinks those that distract and de rail are “twats”

Oh, it does agree, and also knows when the child who cannot stop talking is disrupting the learning of others.