AIBU to ask whether a very chatty 13 year old DC in class is 'normal' behaviour?

[Coldwater12]

Ever since DS was in Year 5, his reports have been a mix of: very bright, able and lovely - but so chatty and easily distracted/distracts others.

We are now in Year 8. The school he's at starts to do GCSES from year 9 and as well as his competence/ability, his attitude to learning will determine what sets he goes into next year.

Just got his progress report through. All except two subjects trots out the standard progress line that covers 'chats too much' or 'gets distracted' which essentially, is the same issue. Not on task. Not focussed.

He's really, really angry and upset with him. He says he tries, and that the report doesn't reflect how he sees himself.

I don't know what to think. There are a few things that might lead me to think he's got ADHD but nothing major. And he's doing well in his work.

I just feel frustrated. Is this normal for his age group? And if so, how can I help him to stay quiet?

Chatty, able yr 8s are not unusual at all. In fact top sets can be particularly challenging if you don't stretch them enough as they can do the work and just chat to each other, it's particularly irritating when the chatty student who has distracted his slightly less able friends all year then sails through the assessments whilst their friends struggle.

The Problem with year 8 now is that in most schools it's a bit of a nothing year without KS3 SATs. In year 7 they were finding their feet and year 10-11 (and 9 in some schools) you are working towards GCSEs, year 8 is a bit aimless and low-level behaviour can creep up if you aren't on top of it.

At home - does he talk loads and interrupt?

All I can say is teachers are hard to please! My DS's reports were full of 'too quiet, too quiet, too quiet' - the teachers reacted as if his personality type was aberrant.

The world needs all sorts of people.

She suggested his peers must think he’s a dick, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they did! I have had many children getting upset over the years because they’ve been unable to concentrate as a direct result of a peer who won’t keep quiet. It really is very annoying.
the biggest issue that can affect learning, especially for those who are maybe not as bright as others, is having disruptive pupils in class.

@TravellingT - ok, I apologise for my knee jerk reaction. I'm sure others don't like it - hence, as I said, we've talked to him at length about it - but it's not a nice thing to hear from others (dick) but that's me being defensive. Apologies.

You care. His teachers care. But he obviously doesn't care that much as he keeps doing it. He will get into trouble sometimes and will probably get C's for behaviour or focus. It is entirely down to him whether he changes at all. I don't by the way buy into the teachers don't like 'sparky' kids rubbish. Teachers are more than happy to have kids who join in and like taking part and offering ideas etc. They don't much care for kids who interrupt, talk over others and chat about unrelated stuff which prevents concentration and hinders learning of others.

Is he in top sets? It sounds like the work might be a bit too easy, plus he’s obviously following the teaching input while only paying half attention.
Going from always talking to never talking is too big a jump, can he break it down into smaller steps, say trying to be quiet for 5 minutes and then building up. Could you explore things he could do instead of chatting, fiddling with blutak for example.

Another one here in support of the ‘dick’ comment. My daughter, 9, thinks the kids in her class that talk and therefore disrupt are really annoying. I think when she’s older, ‘annoying’ will become described as ‘dicks’.

So don’t feel too offended. It is seen as dickish behaviour when it disrupts other people’s experience.

You owe @TravellingT an apology - you've singled her out multiple times over something she didn't even say.

Just talking about this in work today. My report always said ‘X talks too much’. Every single subject. I still do, but I’m in charge so no-one tells me off!

i apologised before you posted. Thanks.

he is in top sets, yes

That's a good idea about breaking it down to five minutes etc. Not going Zero to Hero overnight. It won't be achievable and then he'll feel defeated

Disruption from an able pupil? This is bizzare. This child is interested and engaging. We are all different. I have a SEMH child with an IQ of 162. I am now a c suite executive but have been a college lecturer. The teachers job is to engage all comers. Schools are not warehousing or factory training grounds anymore. My mother was an outstanding teacher, please think about the changing landscape. One in five of the population are neuro diverse. I have ND staff, I give them projects. Please think outside of the box or you write this child off for control reasons.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what point you're putting across?

@Coldwater12 know one does.....

I'm confused.

Surely it's the teacher's job to tell him to shut up when he's being a nuisance?

Its up to the teachers to manage this to a degree - they should be imposing immediate consequences if he's too chatty in class. You aren't there to see when its happening in school and discipline him.

If they gave him lines/detention/extra homework etc for disturbing others he'd learn to stop.

I'd calmly talk to his tutor, explain you want to support school, and ask what they consequences they are imposing so that you can reinforce messaging at home.

Really? I was trying to help you. I gave you statistics, clever people need support too. Chatting is not always a ND pointer. People have attacked your child. Please don't bother to reply.

Chatty kids are disruptive in lessons. Some of them are bright enough that their chatting doesn’t impact their learning particularly, but it has an impact on the rest of the class because they distract others or the teacher has to stop everything to tell them to stop.
A chatty kid who doesn’t cause any issues, I never mentioned on reports. A chatty kid who is disruptive in class I would mention.

You've had lots of good advice on your son's behaviour but I just wanted to chip in as someone who is an ex teacher that it is completely wrong that behaviour determines setting, if that is really the case at this school. Setting should never be based on behaviour as that makes it utterly unfair on hard working pupils in the lower sets.

Parent to an ADHD child here. It’s not a label, it’s a medical diagnosis which is bloody hard to get, despite what some people here seem to believe.

OP there are definitely a few flags here which would suggest it’s worth looking into. As another poster said - look closely at how your child manages things he is not interested in. ADHD is not a deficiency in attention; it’s a difficulty in regulating your attention to matters you find unstimulating. Many people with ADHD excel in areas which match their interests as they hyperfocus on them - which is why it is possible for some to do very well in school and yet also have ADHD. In your shoes I would keep an open mind - have a look at the online questionnaires, even if just to set your mind at ease.

I think you’re best giving the school a call and asking to meet with them or have a phone call to chat about the report. Rather than spend the next few days wondering what it means or why they’ve wrote it xx

Oh and if he's doing well, his own ability to focus probably isn't an issue.

Lots of teachers don't like bright chatty kids primarily because:

• they can disturb others
• talkative kids can mean quiet kids get less chance to speak/contribute
• sometimes they are poorer listeners and will do things like interrupt

So maybe focus on these aspects of it when talking to your DC about how they need to change their behaviour. Its not about them not trying etc its the impact on others.

ADHD is not a deficiency in attention; it’s a difficulty in regulating your attention to matters you find unstimulating.

Is this really the case? Most people are much worse at paying attention to stuff they find boring, what is the distinction between the normal range of inability to apply oneself to things you aren't interested in, and ADHD? Ive never heard it described in that way before. Surely it can't reach a level of clinical diagnosis unless it really impairs you.