AIBU to ask whether a very chatty 13 year old DC in class is 'normal' behaviour?

[Coldwater12]

Ever since DS was in Year 5, his reports have been a mix of: very bright, able and lovely - but so chatty and easily distracted/distracts others.

We are now in Year 8. The school he's at starts to do GCSES from year 9 and as well as his competence/ability, his attitude to learning will determine what sets he goes into next year.

Just got his progress report through. All except two subjects trots out the standard progress line that covers 'chats too much' or 'gets distracted' which essentially, is the same issue. Not on task. Not focussed.

He's really, really angry and upset with him. He says he tries, and that the report doesn't reflect how he sees himself.

I don't know what to think. There are a few things that might lead me to think he's got ADHD but nothing major. And he's doing well in his work.

I just feel frustrated. Is this normal for his age group? And if so, how can I help him to stay quiet?

Matchinglipsandfingertips. How on earth do you know this child is interested and engaging?? I would imagine if you are trying to concentrate on the teacher's explanation and someone is turning round and talking to you or someone se this is annoying and disruptive. I am fed up of people shouting this kind of rubbish. Being neurodiverse does not mean others with differing needs don't matter. By the way I have two neurodiverse children. Their needs don't trump the needs of other children.

I'm sure being overly chatty in class is a behaviour that's seen in a lot of kids with ADHD, but it's also a behaviour that's seen in a lot of kids without ADHD, so I don't that alone would be a warning sign; it would likely have to be accompanied by other signs and symptoms.

For those who have no knowledge of neuro diverse children this is a ridiculous post. Disruption of others? We have few special schools anymore. We have little or no SEMH network. Camhs is so over subscribed any child struggling will wait 18 months for help. A chatty child is an inconvenience but better than a silent one. This post makes me very angry. Be kind people. Read NFIS Facebook if you want to understand real barriers to learning. Fu*king middle class shit.

OP some kids are more talkative than others. Personally, I'd be more concerned about a withdrawn, disengaged kid. Your boy sounds great! As long s he is getting his work done, and not disturbing the others and stopping them learning, don't worry about him.

Please don't slap a SN on him. Plenty of talkative people are just that - talkative and sociable. There is nothing wrong with them.

And FWIW and said kindly, nobody was calling your son a dick. The PP intimated that other kids may think 'heck what a dick he won't shut up'. That is not the same as saying 'I (the PP)think he is being a dick as he talks too much'. Please don't be so defensive. Some may indeed think that. You don't and nor do his true friends, which is what's important.

We had a chatty DC. Tbh if it's been going on for 3 years for you - what have you tried so far? We engaged with the school when we got the first report saying they were chatty eg told school and DC that we were happy if the teacher moved their seat; told the school we were supporting them at home by telling DC to be quiet in school - explaining different techniques; going to a mindfulness class; playing games where you had to be quiet, etc.
DC still loves to chat but is now a year older than your DC and report card consistently says they're great in class, attentive, contributes well, etc. Maybe puberty brought a little bit more awareness. Maybe all the steps we've put in place since the first report helped. I don't know.
But I'd say you don't need to worry about them losing their personality just because they quieten down in school.

I'm a secondary school teacher- yes it is normal, but not ideal as obviously he, and the students he's chatting to should be focusing on their work. My question would be- can he concentrate without distractions at home, and does he respond appropriately (I.e stop talking) when challenged by the teacher?

I wouldn't say chatting a lot in class was necessarily an indication of being bright, interested or effervescent, though. It could just as easily mean bored, disruptive and rude. Like the 'chatty' kid I had to sit next to in one of my classes at school. I was interested in the subject. She wasn't. She was a colossal pain-in-the-arse and most of the other kids in the class just wanted her to shut the fuck up. The reason I got put next to her in the first place was, in fact, because the teacher knew I would have no qualms about actually telling her to shut the fuck up.

I'm sure your child is indeed one of the bright and interested ones, but in a classroom setting, he and his desire to chat and 'share knowledge' are not more important than a) the teacher or b) any of the other children. One child shouldn't be making themselves the centre of attention by talking all the time. Obviously there are times when it's totally fine to chat in class - god knows I did plenty of chatting myself; I'm a hell of a talker - but if the teacher is reporting it as a problem, it means they need to learn that there are times when they should have some manners and rein it in.

I think it depends really. In my DD's school they have a 2 strike rule for disruption and then the student is hubbed. So some kids learn to knuckle down who would otherwise chat. My personal feeling is that those kids who 'can't' end up in the hub, because who would willingly go to the hub twice. My point is... Apart from the report, what consequence does he face for being over chatty? If they aren't actively tackling it in class, then it's no wonder it isn't changing.

Matchinglipsandfingertips What would you call the impact of a child who talks over the teacher and interferes with others when they are getting on with a task? How would a child with a hearing impairment deal with this? What about a child with sensory problems who finds noise a trigger for becoming dysregulated? My point which you haven't considered is that there are all kinds of needs in a classroom. The need for someone with SEMH to talk over others does not trump the needs of others for a calm, orderly learning environment.

Totally normal. My son is the same, as are all his friends.

There's a difference between your child being chatty sometimes in class, and the teacher deciding to write this on their report
If it's on the reports of several teachers, this is a real problem.

I tell a lot of students to stop talking but I very rarely go as far as writing it on their reports, that is for serious talkers only!

yes, and these are the disruptive ones that are starting to pee off peers who have their eyes focussed on their education

I got the same report. I’ve got ADHD and chatting is the only way not to give in to an unbearable, overwhelming desire to get out of my chair and do something else.

get him assessed- it’s important because he will have accommodations in his exams and it will also make him feel like less of a failure.

My DD gets frustrated by kids like this, too. And yes, her description for them is getting increasingly blunt.

It's not going to be making him any friends or his teachers.

Why do people feel the need to keep reinforcing this on this thread? I've completely owned this as an issue. It's pointless.

I wonder if there's truth in this - if it just stops him realising he can't sit still etc

By failure I mean - it’s quite common for people with adhd to feel really ashamed of the disjunct between their potential and their actual achievements. My most horrendous sociopath boss once said to me ‘it’s clear you’re very clever, and yet somehow it comes to nothing.’

To be fair, it's a stock line - there are 3 or 4 possible lines about attitude that the teacher can pull from. It's not something they 'write'.

But of course, it's an issue.

But if I contacted the teachers, as I have done on occasion, they tell me he tries really hard and he's doing ok.

Maybe I need to check in again.

That's such a terrible comment, I'm so sorry.

This all the way.

i suppose because you ask the question “is it normal”

and posters with children who are beginning to voice their frustration at those chatting and disrupting class - are conveying to you that it is not “normal” and actually detrimental

Stop enabling this behaviour with “oh my baby is an amazing conversationalist, I don’t want to subdue his winning personality” which is how your descriptions come across. He is disruptive and bad mannered if he is talking when he shouldn’t. When “too chatty” is mentioned in a report, read that as “attention seeking, disruptive and thinks only what he has to say is important”.

I don't think I've said that at all. Where have I said i don't want to subdue his winning personality? I've said I want him to STFU when he is in class.

What a bitchy post. Honestly, it's as if I've just not agreed with the majority of the posts here.

And I have repeatedly said I hear them. So, after a while, I wonder if they have heard me say I've heard them.

I'm totally owning this behaviour. I just don't need the same point rammed home over and over. I need advice and help on how to improve it.