To ask whether you’d be upset to be asked to be a bridesmaid in this way?

[Townhalls]

I’m getting married and have chosen three friends that I’d like to be my bridesmaids. Two friends I’ve already asked as it was very much a given (I was a BM at their weddings). But I’m yet to ask the third friend. She’s a close friend but not quite as close as the other two, and I don’t think she’ll be expecting to be asked. I’m not 100% sure whether or not it’s something she’d want to do. She’s had some life issues recently and also doesn’t like to be the centre of attention.

In view of this, I’d thought about sending her a nice text to say how much I value our friendship and that I’d love for her to be a bridesmaid, but also that I’d like to give her the space to consider it, and for her to feel free say no if it’s not her thing. I mentioned this to the other two BMs who both said they would be massively upset if someone texted them to ask something so important and that I should do it face to face with a bridesmaid proposal gifts (as I did for them).

I’d really welcome your thoughts here!

YANBU - asking by text is fine!
YABU - it’s too impersonal, you need to discuss face to face.

Are you American? Who ever has heard of bridesmaids proposal gifts

I can't believe the bizarre stuff I read on here sometime!

I'll join in.

Why not run an extension lead into your garden and plug in a toaster and using burnt toast and a tea a towel to flap around, ask he by sending her smoke signals!

Just ask her to her face and do away with the proposal presents which is the naffest thing I've heard about in a while!

Never heard of bridesmaid proposal gifts and would feel very awkward if I was ever given one.

Your text makes it sound like 'please do it if you can be arsed but I don't mind either way' so maybe word it a bit better but for the love of god drop the present.

The whole thing could be free if she just says "would you like to be my bridesmaid?" which also saves the faf.

I think a bridesmaid proposal gift is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of. But because you have already asked the other bridesmaids face to face and given them daft presents, I think you have to do the same with the third person. I do think it's generally extremely rude to ask anyone to do something like this by text and at the very least you should phone her.

The gift thing sounds like bullshit but I do think you should at least call rather than text. You can say the same thing about not being sure if she would like it and fine to take some time to think/sat no etc. It's just easier to convey in a conversation rather than a text.

My friend just told me I was going to be her maid of honor, didn't even get asked! I would now say no to anyone that asked as it was honestly not something I enjoyed at all.

I would go back to my school days and write a note that would say....
Would you like to be my bridesmaid
Tick box 1 - yes please!
Tick box 2 - no thank you, that kind of thing makes me anxious, but can't wait to see you get married and celebrate with you
Tick box 3 - good go no woman I hate weddings 😉

Lame and childish but hopefully lighthearted

As long as she knows you are happy either way.

I don't think texting is a problem. I would maybe go less heavy on the 'are you sure? Take time to consider it...' part. I think it almost sounds like you're trying to convince her it's not a good idea or comes across like you're hoping she'll decline. I'd just a put something simple along the lines of: 'no pressure to let me know right away'.

I've never heard of the bridesmaid proposal gift - what kind of thing do you get @Townhalls?

Sorry but I dispare at reading about "bridesmaid proposal gift".

Honestly, when people choose to do things, do they ever consider what they are promoting? What's next? Best friend proposal gift? Would you consider becoming my official best friend, here's your fancy gift to show my affection in monetary terms!
Trying to start to conceive proposal gift? Let's mark the occasion of when someone first mentions the idea of trying to start a family with a themed baby proposal gift!

Why do people need to constantly buy people gifts? Asking someone to do something special doesn't seem to be good enough anymore. It's the actual marriage that has meaning, not the god dam wedding, or the gift you are giving to your bridesmaids. (Unless of course you are expecting them to work so hard to organise all sorts of pre wedding celebrations and are feeling that you need a gift to make up for it)

Christ alive, some people can get upset about anything.

What an unnecessary amount of effort to ask a simple question.

😄

Bridesmaid proposal gifts????!!!!?????
Christ on a bike.

Just ask the people who you want as bridesmaids and leave it at that.
Your friend probably isn't expecting a request.

Bloody hell.

I am just about to text a friend and ask if she wants to meet for lunch on Friday . Should I buy her a lunch proposal gift ??

Can’t you at least call her rather than text?

then follow up with the usual card and gift

LOL, as you can tell from the responses, there is no usual card and gift when you ask someone to be BM.

At the wedding, to thank and acknowledge them - yes, absolutely.

I would spare her & just invite as a guest. Being a bridesmaid is a thankless task to many.

WTAF?

I swear I don't understand the world.

Id want to be asked in a voicenote. No pressure on her but you get the tone right. I'd say " I'd love you to be a bridesmaid but I know it's not everyone's thing, if you'd rather wear whatever you like and have zero pressure just let me know." I know some people hate voicenotes though !

Really, I don't actually think anyone can say no to being a bridesmaid.

WTAF??
I despair of this claptrap.

A text is fine, it’s not anything big or important to anyone but you.

Do blokes have a similar thing to a bridesmaids proposal gift?

I can't imagine Brian down the pub on a Friday night, standing up and telling the pub to be quiet as he's going to propose to Geoff who he went to school with and ask him to be his best man!

Or Geoff ripping off the wrapping paper and looking in his best man's proposal box and shrieking with excitement, "Cufflinks! Oh Brian, they're lovely! Of course I'll be your best man!"

Cue bunch of hairy arsed men wiping the tears from their eyes and hugging each other.

😩

What happens to the bridesmaid proposal gift if the person says no? Does the bride awkwardly take it back? I'm cringing just thinking about it.

I think you should ask her verbally not by text.

Say you aren't sure if she will want to and you won't be offended if she doesn't but you would love her to be your bridesmaid. If she says yes get her the same gift as the other two as a "thank you for agreeing to be my bridesmaid" gift

What's the etiquette of you don't like the gift or gifts?

Can you flog it on Facebook marketplace? Imagine the hoo ha if the bride to be sees it!

Oh the tears! Oh the drama!