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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

767 replies

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:54

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Night409 · 15/11/2023 20:16

ThisMama1 · 15/11/2023 19:46

@Night409 you’re as batshit as he is. Him assuming something isn’t the same as her pretending something. God, I’d love to be a fly on the wall at yours listening to the crazy convos you just have

Lol ok.

Him assuming something is different to pretending something, you’re absolutely right.

But when someone asks you something outright then you can’t lie or imply, as then you are pretending.

Not being a dick and telling someone that they don’t have a child is surely what most adults would do.

Implying that he may be the dad (which many posters are suggesting doing) is a very shitty thing to do.

It sounds like they were barely FWBs, Op got obsessed with him and then couldn’t cope when he ended.
So now this is her way to get ‘revenge’.

Most people would say no it’s not your baby and then block.
The fact OP wants to drag this out, perhaps suggests it’s because she wants to keep him in her life.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:16

SwiftieGrainger · 15/11/2023 20:00

If you actually think this way you must be a horrible person. You know nothing about the man.

Show quote history

But she's a horrible person who isn't shitting bricks because she Instagram stalked someone after claiming not to have social media, so...win!

Nolongerlight · 15/11/2023 20:18

Tell him if he comes to an amicable agreement about maintenance payments you’ll keep the CMS out of it : )

OneMorePlant · 15/11/2023 20:18

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 20:14

He has unfollowed me again now, the follow will have been to get my attention if I didn't see the message. Blimey this must be all he has thought about since 4pm this afternoon, assuming that was when he saw the picture and not days ago when he has been cyber stalking

I know the type. He definetely has social media but is either completely anonymous or blocked you on everything so you can't find him. But he will keep regularly looking at your stuff.

Block his phone, block him on everything.

Never answer his question. Let him sweat forever.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:18

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:08

read the OP’s response to my question and that should hopefully help you along

Show quote history

I did, and it doesn't change anything at all. It was a really pointless question. Or rather, it was another attempt to put OP in the wrong and this time it failed due to being irrelevant as opposed to merely ridiculous.

Night409 · 15/11/2023 20:19

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 20:14

He has unfollowed me again now, the follow will have been to get my attention if I didn't see the message. Blimey this must be all he has thought about since 4pm this afternoon, assuming that was when he saw the picture and not days ago when he has been cyber stalking

OP you created a thread at 4:54 and you’ve been thinking about it since then too.

I would hope any man who thinks he has a child would spend more than 2 hours thinking about it.

Are you hoping he wants to get back with you?

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:21

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:18

I did, and it doesn't change anything at all. It was a really pointless question. Or rather, it was another attempt to put OP in the wrong and this time it failed due to being irrelevant as opposed to merely ridiculous.

Show quote history

head. wall. bang

if the op has posted loads of photos of herself over the last 9 months… on holiday, drinking with friends, day trips with her children… then he would clearly know that she wasn’t pregnant and was just trying to initiate contact

but that seemed very hard for you to grasp! 😂

Barney60 · 15/11/2023 20:21

Make him sweat, me, id answer with something like , I love babies, dont you?

littlebopeepp234 · 15/11/2023 20:21

SwiftieGrainger · 15/11/2023 20:00

If you actually think this way you must be a horrible person. You know nothing about the man.

Show quote history

Really? Read op’s post again! HE ghosted HER after sex - he was using her! Anyone who treats a person like this is disgusting in my opinion

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:21

I want to thank you, OP. For the brilliant story, and for all the... people you’ve smoked out here by telling it, with their impotent rage and ridiculous pretzelling as they somehow try to make you responsible for a disappearing wanker who's just found out what happens when you pretend to be off grid.

Glorious, all of it.

Hanlonsamazer · 15/11/2023 20:21

OneMorePlant · 15/11/2023 20:18

I know the type. He definetely has social media but is either completely anonymous or blocked you on everything so you can't find him. But he will keep regularly looking at your stuff.

Block his phone, block him on everything.

Never answer his question. Let him sweat forever.

Show quote history

You have to block him OP. My life has been ruined (prison time, suspended from work/regulator and the rest) because I didn’t block a man like this.

Block him and move on. Please.

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 20:22

Night409 · 15/11/2023 20:16

Lol ok.

Him assuming something is different to pretending something, you’re absolutely right.

But when someone asks you something outright then you can’t lie or imply, as then you are pretending.

Not being a dick and telling someone that they don’t have a child is surely what most adults would do.

Implying that he may be the dad (which many posters are suggesting doing) is a very shitty thing to do.

It sounds like they were barely FWBs, Op got obsessed with him and then couldn’t cope when he ended.
So now this is her way to get ‘revenge’.

Most people would say no it’s not your baby and then block.
The fact OP wants to drag this out, perhaps suggests it’s because she wants to keep him in her life.

Show quote history

Don't be a plonker.

I also don't like your use of the word obsessed. It implies my conduct when seeing him was inappropriate or out of the ordinary. I developed feelings for somebody I was sleeping with and sharing intimate times with. That is perfectly normal and you won't shame me into thinking otherwise.

I didn't chase him. I was upset, sure, but he didn't get to hear about it.

Actually, I would say that I behaved with dignity where contact with him was concerned. The only time he has heard from me since February was when I replied, to his message, to say I don't want to see him and was no longer interested.

I think you might be projecting something here.

OP posts:
MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 15/11/2023 20:23

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 20:14

He has unfollowed me again now, the follow will have been to get my attention if I didn't see the message. Blimey this must be all he has thought about since 4pm this afternoon, assuming that was when he saw the picture and not days ago when he has been cyber stalking

Yep! 100% he is following/unfollowing to get your attention. And I bet he will do it again in the next day or two if he hasn't heard from you.

I'm intrigued by the answers you've had here, they have made me think a lot more about it. Does he want to know you have baby because:

  1. he wants to be a father to it
  2. he is worried about maintenance
  3. he is looking to reel you back in

I'm guessing it's not No.1!

I'd leave it unread til tomorrow. Then 'read' it. Then leave it on read for a couple of days. Then reply with the 'this is too awkward to talk about' that someone suggested earlier (an excellent choice of words!) And then do the decent thing and ghost him like he ghosted you....

But don't ghost us! We want updates!!

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:23

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:21

head. wall. bang

if the op has posted loads of photos of herself over the last 9 months… on holiday, drinking with friends, day trips with her children… then he would clearly know that she wasn’t pregnant and was just trying to initiate contact

but that seemed very hard for you to grasp! 😂

Show quote history

No, it's my point that you can't grasp because you still don't get that it's irrelevant. But carry on. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying watching you lot.

Mummingitup · 15/11/2023 20:25

Reading his message is he definitely asking if the child is his…or is he asking if you cheated on him?! 🙈

rosieambu · 15/11/2023 20:27

Leave him on read 🙌🏻

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:28

Mummingitup · 15/11/2023 20:25

Reading his message is he definitely asking if the child is his…or is he asking if you cheated on him?! 🙈

He's asking if it's his. "Was it in the time frame that we were together"... the silly bastard doesn't even know when it all happened 🤣

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:28

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:23

No, it's my point that you can't grasp because you still don't get that it's irrelevant. But carry on. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying watching you lot.

Show quote history

thank you op for answering my question. one user really struggled with it

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 15/11/2023 20:29

@SurprisedWithAHorse I've just read the thread. The question was asked in response to various PPs having discussed whether he genuinely thinks OP has had a baby or if he doesn't really think that and is using this as another excuse to initiate contact with OP.

If OP had recent photos up where it is clear she is not pregnant, then it would be more likely he doesn't think she was pregnant and is just trying to make her reply to him.

As OP hasn't put any photos up of herself for a while, it's more likely that he might genuinely think she had had a baby, as he hasn't seen any photos of her to disprove it.

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 20:29

Night409 · 15/11/2023 20:19

OP you created a thread at 4:54 and you’ve been thinking about it since then too.

I would hope any man who thinks he has a child would spend more than 2 hours thinking about it.

Are you hoping he wants to get back with you?

Show quote history

Of course I have, it's bloody hilarious.

No, I don't want to be with him. If I did I would have met up with him when he got in touch a few weeks ago. I'm not even physically attracted to him anymore, one might say I got "the ick"

I'm happily staying on my own for now.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:29

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 15/11/2023 20:29

@SurprisedWithAHorse I've just read the thread. The question was asked in response to various PPs having discussed whether he genuinely thinks OP has had a baby or if he doesn't really think that and is using this as another excuse to initiate contact with OP.

If OP had recent photos up where it is clear she is not pregnant, then it would be more likely he doesn't think she was pregnant and is just trying to make her reply to him.

As OP hasn't put any photos up of herself for a while, it's more likely that he might genuinely think she had had a baby, as he hasn't seen any photos of her to disprove it.

thank you but i think it will fall on deaf ears

BeverForget · 15/11/2023 20:30

''You know that conception only happens if the woman has an orgasm.
So you are NOT the father...''

ThisMama1 · 15/11/2023 20:30

@Night409 I’d be very surprised you could recognise when someone is being a dick based on your replies here.

I don’t if it’s due to some sort of SEN (my son is autistic so can’t really recognise when someone is saying something as a joke) & if that’s why you’re thinking that these replies are serious & not just people making jokes. The OP has clearly said they wouldn’t take any of the suggestions seriously

not immediately replying is not the same as implying or lying however we’ve already established you don’t know the meaning of imply

if the OP wanted to keep him in her life responding to him rather than not responding to him would be the way to do this.

I don’t know if you’re just having a shitty week or if this is truly how you are with people but have a read back through the thread again & your own replies…

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 20:30

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:23

No, it's my point that you can't grasp because you still don't get that it's irrelevant. But carry on. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying watching you lot.

Show quote history

maybe read @RitaFromThePitCanteen ’a explanation…..

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/11/2023 20:31

It's really easy to wind up a certain kind of angry dude, isn't it?