Friend constantly on her 'phone

[Bitchinabonnet]

I'd really appreciate your opinions on this as I'm struggling to know if I'm BU or not .

I have a friend . Let's call her Kelly . We're both in our early 50s and have known each other since for over 30 years .

We don't live close to each other but get together 2/3 times a year . I might go to hers , she'll come to us and once a year we'll have a weekend away .

Since mobile 'phones have been around she's always been attached to hers . Not social media or web sites but constantly talking and messaging . Most of the time to her partner . I'm talking talking 5/6 times a day and regularly texting/WhatsApping/sending photos . She's messaging other people too but in the main her partner . Kelly now has a smart watch so it's a case of her constantly checking her watch for messages .

You could argue that it's none of my business . But it's always irritated me . I find it rude , like she can't be in the moment just relaxing and having fun as she's always checking her 'phone/watch .

It actually causes us to be late , miss things , have activities interrupted as she's on her 'phone .

Last time we got together I told her how annoying I found it and that I thought it was rude . We don't see each other very often so it's not on to be constantly on the 'phone . She wasn't angry but used the excuse she's always 'busy' so uses her 'phone a lot more than me . 'Busy' not with work but with her partner and family/friends .

We're seeing each other soon . I received a message last night basically listing why she will need to be messaging/online during that time . Again , nothing to do with work .

I'm tempted to cancel . Just fed up with it . The only other person I've mentioned it to is a mutual friend who says it's excessive and will never change .

AIBU ?

No, a telephone communicates sounds from far away (Tele = Far Away in Latin EDIT: Greek!)

https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/tele-prefix-flexibility#:~:text=Meaning%20of%20'Tele%2D',to%20another%20along%20a%20wire.

Ooh is this chatGPT? misses point

Well as I'm sure you've noticed, spelling it like that isn't currently the convention. No one writes it like that, even very formal government documents will use the word phone. To write 'phone suggests someone is making a point about something.

Exactly.

Tell her to stop ‘phubbing

but i don’t get why that is smug. i genuinely don’t!

'I 'wish 'posters 'would 'stop 'criticising 'the 'OP's 'grammar. 'It 'isn't 'relevant.

Regardless of the 'phone issue -youve made what surely most people would think is a fairly reasonable request and explained why it matters to you and how it makes you feel and she's basically completely ignored it and said tough luck she won't change her behaviour.

I'm thinking vague equivalents would be if you wanted to meet at a cafe because you don't feel comfortable at the pub or asked her not to smoke while you were out whatever...she might have valid reasons for WANTING to do x but sounds like she doesn't actually NEED to constantly be on her phone i.e. work or medical emergency etc.

so she's choosing to prioritise it despite you asking her not to, which suggests she doesn't think much of your friendship.

I'm sure lots of us can think of things where we don't necessarily agree with our friends POV but if they've gone to the effort of saying x makes me unhappy/uncomfortable most people would try and accommodate - op is only asking for 2 hours of non/minimal phone checking, it isn't much!

Me either but note my username 🤣

Meh. I'm an apostrophe fiend but I can let this one go (even though I'm the approximate same age as OP and have never used an apostrophe before phone).

I couldn't let the friend constantly glued to her ''p'h'o'n'e'' slide though. Especially as they only meet up about twice a year.

So what were the reasons given for knowing she will need to be available on her phone during the meet up?
It's very rude that she has said this knowing it upsets you. She's making zero effort. I would not go.

I agree. Really rude.

I always write 'phone

Your friend is rude. I would ditch her

Thank you for some of the helpful comments . It is appreciated . The reasons she gave for needing to be on her .... I'll use mobile .... are that she needs to 'touch base' with her partner , she's buying concert tickets which are released this weekend and that it's her SIL's birthday so there's a group family call on Sunday . It just seems odd to me to send a message stating her intentions in advance .
Only on here could one's use of an apostrophe be interpreted as smug . It made me smile . Oh , and my attitude towards mobiles too . It never crossed my mind that THIS could be why Kelly prefers to be messaging than my company . I appreciate the insight .

I've lived in the UK since I was 19 and began learning English when I was 4/5 . TBH most people don't realise I'm not British (the arrogance of me !) . I accept that sometimes in written English there are archaic quirks that possibly give me away . The use of 'phone is perhaps one of them ? But I stand by it ! No offence taken on my part . But the punctuation and grammar mean girls might wish to bear in mind that not everyone on here has English as their native tongue .

Thank you for the constructive comments x

Phone calls 5/6 times a day or just texting ?

They sound perfectly normal reasons to be on the phone for a bit tbh.

If I’m meeting a friend who is after concert tickets then we both try for them, that’s what friends do.

Being in touch with her partner sounds a bit clingy but my ex was like that, always suspicious if I was meeting a friend.

And the family celebration is hardly down to her.

When I meet friends we tend to juggle lots of things and be understanding of each other. It’s a nice way to have a friendship.

Phone calls . Plus texting .

If she's got to constantly text her partner, try and buy concert tickets (usually involves a long wait in a virtual queue) and also do a group call then she's too busy to meet up. I can't imagine anything worse than meeting up to sit there looking at a person obsess over their phone.

I think if you don't meet up often then stay off your phone

Quick text or if you need to take a call but give attention to your friend firstly

Love that you use ‘phone instead of phone, so cute and quaint. Really cheered me up OP, thanks.

Just cancel. She already told you she's going to irritate you before she comes. There's no point in seeing her.

Exactly, why do all these perfect people pile on like this? Awful and unkind.

Your use of English is far better than a lot of people who were born here, plus you sound amazing.

It can be painful to lose a friend or end a friendship, but in this case for you it may be the best thing to do. Or at least cancel if you have not done so already.

It does not seem that changing the time you meet is the answer.

People who need to be in constant contact with their partners are annoying