Incessant sex banter at work

[AlwaysTheGoodGirl]

It's not even funny the first time, never mind the same 'joke' being resurrected and commented on over and over again,

The office is a mix of men and women who I get on really well with, and it's one of the women who instigates most of it. Most of the time I really like her and she's even recently been to a hospital appointment with me on her day off as it was something a bit worrying. Anyway, she also has a very mischievous dirty side and she will challenge the men as to what they would do to another female colleague for a million pounds. The target of this is a larger lady, notoriously grumpy, who everyone takes the piss out of incessantly. The woman in question is off today so they've all got free rein. Today's examples are comments on her day off with the dog and a jar of peanut butter...and she is asking one of the other girls if she would have lesbian sex with her for a million. All the men roaring with laughter and encouraging more. Meanwhile, I am in the corner trying to get on with my work and a couple of them pipe up with, "well ask AlwaysTheGoodGirl if she'd do it, don't leave her out!" Oh, as well as "nobody ever asks Always if she's got any batteries lying around." Just stuff like that, pointing out that I'm too delicate for such talk. So not only am I sick to the back teeth of this banter, I get singled out and patronised for being too delicate.

I can't go to anyone, it's a small business and we all muck in together, and the boss is one of the instigators a lot of the time. Am I being over sensitive?

I also feel awful for the woman who is always the butt of the jokes. She doesn't deserve this much disrespect.

It never ceases to amaze me what goes on in some of these small companies. I never want to work somewhere that doesn't have an HR department.

If you get on with them in other ways and don’t want to leave, just bloody talk to them. Tell them they’ve gone too far, it’s cruel, it makes you uncomfortable, and please can they stop.

Keep records of everything.
Look for a new job.
Then claim for constructive dismissal

/sexual harassment

My old boss retired about a year ago, and he was the father of one of the women in the office, so there was very little of this in the past as is would be embarrassing for both of them. Saying that, even he would be inappropriate at times. But now it's like a year 7 class with no teacher, all unleashed and going wild.

I've no doubt they do talk about me when I'm not here, even though they all say they would never do that when I have half jokingly asked whether they do.

I've just made the teas for everyone, I enjoy doing it for a break from my desk, and everyone is so nice and "aw thanks, Always, you're a star" etc etc and I think why can't it just be like this all the time? I like a laugh, and we do have a laugh and I join in, but then this totally unfunny crap will always make an appearance at some point.

This is disgusting to the point of actually being disturbing. If I had to be present during this sort of conversation I would honestly feel like throwing up.

I would have to say something or leave. I don’t know how you put up with it.

@SuitYouSir I agree, some of it feels disturbing. My heart was racing today.

I put up with it because I the world champion of patience. I always have been. If you have seen any of my other posts about my home situation, you'll see it there too. Excessive patience is my downfall.

I've already commented on this but I feel strongly, so wanted to add further comments.

Please, please be an advocate for this lady. Please stand up and say to them all "this is not acceptable. It's behaviour like this that ruins lives. If she overheard you, she would be devastated. It could badly affect her mental health. It might drive her to harm herself. Do you want that on your back for the rest of your life?".

I’ve worked for a couple of small companies in the past, and although staff members would occasionally bitch and gossip about each other, it was nothing like the stuff in your OP. I think what’s happening in your office is not normal and completely unacceptable.

I don’t know why you like your colleagues - they are gross, immature bullies. As the boss is one of the instigators, I would find another job elsewhere.

This comes under the banner of sexual harassment.

Your colleagues are revolting, misogynistic bullies engaging in the sexual harassment of a colleague. If you don’t report them, you’re complicit.

I like how you're reframing this as ‘patience’, as if it’s a virtue to be too cowardly to stand up to bullies.

Please OP - I know you want an easy life but I completely agree with @myotherkidisacassowary. This is not a virtue.

Yes, it’s easy to be “the world champion of patience” if you’re not the target of the bullying.

https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment/witnessing-sexual-harassment

This is grotesque and you also have your own case against them if this is making you uncomfortable, which clearly it is.

Yes! I worked in the office of a construction firm.
Owner, big personality, late 50s. Me late 40s, finance woman early 40s

Open plan office, lots of clients coming in and out, younger male workforce.

It can be the funniest most supportive place in the world then on a bad week it just grinds you down. The language and terminology is beyond an obstetrician. I probably hear the peanut butter 'gag' every six months of my entire working life.

I basically treat them like I'm the parent
I don't join in the sex talk or bullying other staff.
I do reward them with my attention when they are genuinely funny or interesting.
In a small business with an owner you are paid to do your job and also, weirdly, entertain them. I quite often have something up my sleeve about their various hobbies, local construction gossip, even fucking sport. I try to shield the younger sales reps who often get eaten.

I finally resigned a month ago. It wasn't just the talk, there were a few other things but it was a part. I just started to feel too old to put up with it. Shame, because I was bloody good at my job.

Our team veers into this sort of territory sometimes, it’s usually a bit more tame but is inappropriate nonetheless. I pulled them up on it, in terms of ‘ohSteve, are you pulling out the same old rubbish jokes again, don’t you have any new material?’ And it stopped. I didn’t have to address the specific topics, just raised that it wasn’t appreciated. Would this work?

Stellar idea. 100% do this

Honestly the best thing to do is take a log and recordings for a number of weeks. In case you need it.

Once you've done that ask to talk to the manager. Explain you don't like the sexualised conversation in the workplace nor do you like how they speak about their colleague as you think it's unkind and inappropriate - Please could he action it.

And then give him the chance to do so. If he doesn't put in a written complaint, with examples, so it's documented.

Hopefully you never need to take it further but you have the evidence if you needed to.

Please spit in their tea next time you make it.

God this reminds me of my old work place such arseholes I'm so glad I'm no longer there
Again lots of sexiest remarks thinking they were being funny but weren't and always the management.
Seriously if you can look elsewhere for another Job clearly if Management is also encouraging this behaviour it won't stop they will start turning on you I bet they say awful stuff about each and everyone that's not in the office that day as I said I sadly had experience working in an environment similar to what you describe.

The two of you need to stick up for each other and tell them all to do one.

YANBU that's disgusting. They aren't even jokes, just sexual harassment. I couldn't work in an atmosphere like that, and if there's no HR to report it to then I would have to leave.

This is horrendous.
What the hell industry is this?
That poor woman.
Please be the person that stands up to your pathetic, disgusting colleagues.

I don't want to have to move jobs for the sake of immature people.

Immature would be finding one of your children's toy cars in your bag and playing with it on your desk.
Immature would be wrapping a small onion in a Ferrero Rocher wrapper and offering it to someone.
Immature would be swallowing some helium and making a phone call.

This is not immature.