I posted this on the Relationship board yesterday but only got two replies so I’m now posting it here because I’m desperate for help and advice.
I’m posting because of all the fantastic knowledge and support that is offered on here to women who want to escape shitty relationships and because I don’t know how to help my friend.
I’m going to see her in a few days time and I would love to be able to give her some guidance.
The back story of her and her husband:
Together for 13 years.
Married for 7 years.
They have two children aged 11 and 8
My friend was a SAHM until the youngest started school and then she started a college course in order to get into a career. She should get her qualification late next year.
Her husband works in banking and she thinks he earns about £95k.
My friend has never had any access to his earnings and all she has had since the birth of their first child eleven years ago is a monthly “allowance” that he gives her, as well as the child benefit.
He pays for the mortgage and bills and keeps the rest of his earnings to himself.
Their marriage has been very rocky for about 3-4 years (he’s awful) and a few months ago my friend told her husband that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. He made lots of promises about how he’d change (which he’s already been promising for many years with nothing changing) but she said enough is enough.
A year or so ago she had suggested marriage counselling but he wouldn’t pay for it and still won’t.
Their house is worth £400k and she wants to put it on the market but she knows he won’t agree. They are still living there together (separate rooms) and my friend says the atmosphere is just horrendous. She wants to start divorce proceedings but is terrified about how he will react and she doesn’t have access to any money to pay solicitor fees anyway.
He has now stopped giving her a monthly allowance (out of spite I imagine) and so all she has now each month is the child benefit money. She has to use this to buy things for herself and for the children, and for her travel costs back and forth to college.
He’s treating her so badly and it’s just a mess. It’s just awful. He’s telling their daughters that my friend wants to break up the family and he’s the victim…..
Surely he can’t get away with this?
She has no other family nearby and she feels completely trapped.
How can I help her