Am I overreacting about his new friend

[Deners]

My husband has recently Made friends with a new parent at the kids school. Shes only just moved to the area, and after our kids became close, he has got to know her through the school run etc.

I've been getting uncomfortable with their friendship, first it was lots of texts, talking about her constantly.Then xx started on the end of messages. Then he started collecting her kids from school for her and she'd come over to collect them, but stay for an hour, drink wine (2glasses on the side) and will always be gone before i get home from work. it's just odd

We had a halloween party, and as all the kids are friendly. she and her kids came along. My husband had a LOT to drink, and is openly flirting with her, arms around her waist, slap bum. The works. I was mortified, this was in front of our other friends. They commented on his behaviour. I went to bed pretty upset and left him to tidy up.

I woke up an hour Or so later. I can hear giggling. it's her laughing and then I hear what shes saying. it's X rated along the lines of you can do whateveryou want to me, your wife is asleep!!!

I crept out and saw husband sat on the stairs, he was very drunk, head spinning and didn't look well. I shouted at her that I'd heard everything she had said and to get out of my house. Huge argument but eventually she leaves, but not before comments about how much better in bed she'd be etc. I was beyond angry.

The next day me and husband had a long chat about it all. He felt he's been niave, trying to be friendly to her which she's misinterpreted. I felt he's been a fool at best, super disrespectful bordering on emotionally cheating at worst. He apologised, blocked all contact and told her to arrange alternative childcare. Perfect.

Until this evening when he mentions her casually and how bad she's feeling about it all and wants to go back to where things were. Wtaf? His view is she had become a good friend and he enjoyed her company. My view is she is a snake and I want nothing more to do with her. I also feel we should be united on this, but he says he was really drunk that night and doesn't really remember much.

I feel so hurt and let down. AIBU or am I in my right to ask him to avoid her?

Presumably they saw each other at school drop off or pick up. OP said she's a school Mum

Presumably nobody is forcing him to speak to her if he’s agreed with his wife to stop contact.

I'd want to know why he thought it was ok to humiliate me in the first place and why he wants to continue it. Selfish asshole.

He's an adulterous scumbag and oxygen thief.

Exactly this!!! He can have her or a divorce

I’m sorry, but his ‘friend’ would have been sent away when the flirting began. No way would I tolerate that.

Er, that’s emotional cheating at best, not worst. He should be avoiding her and cutting contact.

There both snakes he humiliated you in front of your friends it takes two its not just her fault. If the dirt was not in your husband it would not come out and now he obviously wants to continue there friendship. She has let you know she wants an affair by saying how good in bed she would be and its obvious he wants one as well.

He would be gone! Disrespectful cunt!

She is not the problem here. Your dh is, he's allowed a friendship to push boundaries. He got drunk and behaved inappropriately. And now he wants to re engage in this friendship. Despite how this woman spoke to you/behaved in your house.

He doesn't respect you. Can you trust him anymore?

Oh what a coincidence! His new friend is a woman,well wouldn't you know.

That plus the mentionitis would have me kicking his sorry arse to the curb no hesitation.

Tell him his behaviour is jeopardizing your marriage. Because it is.

He thinks what she said was appropriate? A man saying those things to you would be ok?

I have many make friends, my closest friend is make. Never ever have we behaved any way like this...drunk or not.
She is absolutely out of line but the lack of respect for you from your husband is diabolical. I would be fuming at his behaviour.

@Deners
OP you haven’t said but is this woman single or does she have a husband of her own somewhere?

😯 she sounds completely mad bragging about her bed skills. That sounds like the most unseductive thing ever. IF you're single (like me) flirting is fun but if a bloke said that to me I'd have convulsions. Of laughter.

Your husband isn't single. It's a bit sad in a way she thinks this is her selling card.

What a pair of twats. You really need to lay it on the line with him when you talk.

OP, there's been a physical affair. And I bet if you confront the other school.mums they all know and have been gossiping about it. Kids will have been playing, they'll have been at it. That remark you overheard didn't come out of the blue.

@Deners, your H is not naive! He and OW have been dating in your home during their ‘wine hours.’ They were acting like a couple at the Halloween gathering, and he does remember it all. Please don’t fall for his damage control manipulations.

They’ve been having an affair with emotional and physical involvement and sex-talk. He is heavily invested in this illicit relationship, so much so that he publicly humiliated you and made you and the children the objects of gossip and pity.

A truly remorseful man would have taken full responsibility for his infidelity, permanently cut off OW, and committed to restoring your trust. Instead, H has a duplicitous agenda and is playing you. He intends to resume and escalate their affair under the guise of ‘friendship.’ You’d be a fool to allow this. [BTW, if he is still communicating with OW, he is still cheating.]

@Deners, get angry and show him the door. He is making an utter mockery of you and your marriage/family. You can give him the ultimatum ‘Me or OW,’ but he may take the affair underground. Can you live with that uncertainty? Personally, I would have already ended things and sent him packing.

Your husband should be so ashamed. He totally humiliated you. And he’s essentially cheated. In fact, he probably did cheat that night. I am astonished he behaved that way in front of your friends.

Wow! I'd be livid! Especially that they r spoken again after that!! It was 2 weeks ago and the shameless pair have met again 🤬🤬

So where were all the kids? They came to the party but you went to sleep and they were where?

I wouldn't have forgiven this so easily - he's now trying to get her back into your lives. Don't tolerate this disrespectful sleazy behaviour

How convenient he doesn’t remember that night, including the bum slapping.

He definitely remembers and wants more.

I am absolutely furious on your behalf reading this! It would have been nipped in the bud at wine o'clock had this been me. "she's sorry, she wants things to go back to the way they were". I just bet she fucking does. He goes strictly NC or he's out, OP.

Shes not a friend, she's a predator and he's a fucking knob.

I'm very pro friends in marriages with anyone but this isn't a friendship. This is absolute cuntery and I sincerely hope that you tell him if he does it again he can fuck off and actually 100% stick to it.

Same, I'm raging! I don't do second hand embarrassment anywhere near as much as second hand fury.

What a pair of shitty arseholes they are.