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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To contact the school on Monday about comments on social media

163 replies

crappycomments · 11/11/2023 17:04

My eldest DD helped out at a sixth form open evening last week, where prospective sixth formers from the same and other schools were invited to attend a presentation from the headteacher and head of sixth form in the school hall, followed by circulation around the different subject areas to get a taste of what activities are on offer in sixth form lessons.
My DD along with about 25 others was a subject ambassador, in that she helped set up and then demonstrate some activities. She also additionally acted as a tour guide to help direct people around the school.
Either later the same evening or the following day, several photos of the event were posted on Facebook by the school, including some of the subject staff and also a selection of the students who helped out. My DD was one of the students pictured.
Over the last couple of days many people have commented on the event and the students, many being complimentary about the event and how helpful the students were. However there appears to be a number of negative comments appearing about my DD and her appearance in particular, which she is obviously upset about and I'm not sure how to go about stopping it.
Do I contact the school to ask them to remove the article/photos; I don't know how to stop the comments.

OP posts:
Lolapusht · 11/11/2023 22:21

OP, as far as I’m aware anyone can hide posts on FB. Just tap the posts concerned and you’ll get a pop up with the option to “Hide”.

If you report it to FB nothing will get down for ages then it probably won’t violate community guidelines blah, blah, blah.

Screenshot them first then take it up with school on Monday. If they’re making public posts the comments should be admin approved if comments are allowed at all. Do you know who is making the posts? Pupils or adults?

Myfabby · 11/11/2023 22:29

Lolapusht · 11/11/2023 22:21

OP, as far as I’m aware anyone can hide posts on FB. Just tap the posts concerned and you’ll get a pop up with the option to “Hide”.

If you report it to FB nothing will get down for ages then it probably won’t violate community guidelines blah, blah, blah.

Screenshot them first then take it up with school on Monday. If they’re making public posts the comments should be admin approved if comments are allowed at all. Do you know who is making the posts? Pupils or adults?

You can't hide someone's else's post, so yes you won't see them if you click hide, but it's still there to whatever audience it's been shared to.

sorry OP, I hope this gets sorted.

DragonFly98 · 11/11/2023 22:30

The comments are awful but why are you letting her wear a short skirt for school? It must be pretty short for people to comment even though it's not acceptable to comment on.

Glassofwino · 11/11/2023 22:34

This is awful! Her top button and her skirt have nothing to do with anything, I feel like it’s a rite of passage when you’re at school!. I find it absolutely disgusting that keyboard warriors that are grown adults can fly horrible comments around very pathetic people definitely report!!

Fionaville · 11/11/2023 22:37

I don't think anybody should be commenting about the length of a girls skirt. Adults should know better.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 11/11/2023 22:50

I would contact the school, be very clear about what you expect from them. If they don’t respond within a few hours and remove the photos I would report it to Facebook. If that doesn’t work come back on here and ask for help. I’m sure lots of us will be willing to go on the Facebook page and flood it with stupid comments and pictures. Hopefully we can get the entire thing taken down.

YouCanExfilNow · 11/11/2023 23:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

gloriawasright · 12/11/2023 00:34

Fionaville · 11/11/2023 22:37

I don't think anybody should be commenting about the length of a girls skirt. Adults should know better.

This 💯
What kind of shit is this? When grown adults are criticising a young woman for the length of her skirt.
And who is actually getting their knickers in a twist about a top button being undone?
Some posters here sound like they would be the first to post on a school fb page, condemning the girl for what she is wearing.
Slut,slag and tarty. Well it almost sounds like people think the girl was asking for it ! So victim blaming now.
Ffs

Caerulea · 12/11/2023 00:46

A) the page admin should have been all over this, appalling that they aren't & I'd put an official complaint in.

B) judging by the attitude on some threads here about Class & Standards I'd wager it's the well-to-do mums making the comments.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/11/2023 01:01

I don't understand, OP? Are these comments from other kids or from adults?

I'm leaning towards adults because a) young people don't usually use Facebook and b) I really can't imagine them being that bothered about the length of your dd's skirt and her tie not being done.

But if it isn't the kids, I'm struggling to believe that grown adults - parents - would choose to attack a teenage girl on social media simply because they don't like the way she dresses?

Whether your dd was dressed inappropriately or not is irrelevant. If there was an issue with her uniform, then the school should have addressed it. Nobody has any business posting crap on the Internet about it, and you're absolutely right to ask the school to remove this bile immediately.

Fionaville · 12/11/2023 01:32

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/11/2023 01:01

I don't understand, OP? Are these comments from other kids or from adults?

I'm leaning towards adults because a) young people don't usually use Facebook and b) I really can't imagine them being that bothered about the length of your dd's skirt and her tie not being done.

But if it isn't the kids, I'm struggling to believe that grown adults - parents - would choose to attack a teenage girl on social media simply because they don't like the way she dresses?

Whether your dd was dressed inappropriately or not is irrelevant. If there was an issue with her uniform, then the school should have addressed it. Nobody has any business posting crap on the Internet about it, and you're absolutely right to ask the school to remove this bile immediately.

There have been loads of posts and comments on our local Facebook group, doing exactly this. Things like "To the parents of the girls from X school, who walk home via X Road. Tell your daughters to pull their skirts down or but them longer ones!" Followed by dozens of comments in agreement, even saying its no wonder that men beep their horns at them and that its not fair on the boys who are trying to learn but must get distracted by the girls legs being on show.
I don't even have a daughter in high school, but it really winds me up to see so many adults giving girls a complex about their own bodies!

Happiestonthebeach · 12/11/2023 01:35

I think adults making lewd comments which in effect suggesting she looks like she is sexually promiscuous which is the definition of a slapper is outrageous.
our school don’t have a Facebook account and now I can see why.
the page admins should have sorted this by now. There should be at least a handful who will be getting notifications of comments. It might not be their job description to police it out of hours, but I run a small charity, people comment on social media and comes up as a notification. Someone should have picked up on this. it’s appalling and could really impact on a young person.
I would 100% be getting the school to sort this out and I would want to know how the page is monitored out of hours, as pp said, if they cannot commit to this then comments with photos of identifiable students must have the comments switched off in the future.
im surprised though that other normal minded people haven’t piled on the offensive comments- I would even if I didn’t know the child saying it was offensive and not called for.

some people on the thread have started commenting on the school’s uniform policy . This isn’t the issue here and not a relevant point at all in this thread.

neilyoungismyhero · 12/11/2023 01:59

@EvilElsa I'm a bit older and did the same! We all did. It's what you do!

Tobacco · 12/11/2023 02:01

crappycomments · 11/11/2023 20:04

Ok if you really want to know, the comments ranged from criticising how she looked in terms of not representing the school in a positive light given that it's a well regarded high achieving school, through to her looking like a 'slut' and a 'slapper'

That's awful. The people slagging off her appearance and name calling are the ones who should be ashamed not your daughter. What they're doing is far worse than not wearing the uniform perfectly

AlmostAJillSandwich · 12/11/2023 04:19

Tie and top button, no big deal. But as the person buying her uniform, why are you buying her skirts that are so short? Or not pulling her up on it if she's rolling up a waistband to make a decent skirt shorter? It's not a good look and is a magnet for getting comments like this, and potential unwanted sexual attention.

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 06:56

Were the nature of the comments that she was not representing the school well by looking scruffy?
or that she was looking tarty?

catattacks · 12/11/2023 07:30

Yes the school can delete comments

Surprised that they haven't already

Email now

LlynTegid · 12/11/2023 07:35

Perhaps you should suggest to the school they stop using Facebook and put photos on their own website instead.

And that if the comments are attributed to other children at the school they act on that.

fuzzystar · 12/11/2023 07:35

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 06:56

Were the nature of the comments that she was not representing the school well by looking scruffy?
or that she was looking tarty?

I mean given the words "slut" and "slapper" were used I'm not sure it really matters the context.

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 12/11/2023 07:40

wow how disgusting that people think it is appropriate to comment on a picture of a child on social media. Even if it was just concern for school uniform rules, that could have been directed to the school not posted publicly on a photo of a child on social media. The “slut” type comments are absolutely abhorrent. I’m afraid I’m such a nutter I would do why I can to find out who the posters were and if I were able to find out who they were they’d be getting a massive dose of their own medicine.

in your shoes I’d contact the school and ask whoever runs the account to delete the comments. I’d also ask the school to consider if posts like that really need to have the comments open- I think the school can post but keep comments closed.

Sadly as this is a reality of modern life it might be a good opportunity to speak to DD about social media, privacy and being safe online. I hope your DD is ok.

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 10:00

fuzzystar · 12/11/2023 07:35

I mean given the words "slut" and "slapper" were used I'm not sure it really matters the context.

Oh I missed that!

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 10:03

crappycomments · 11/11/2023 20:04

Ok if you really want to know, the comments ranged from criticising how she looked in terms of not representing the school in a positive light given that it's a well regarded high achieving school, through to her looking like a 'slut' and a 'slapper'

Have you looked at the profiles of those making these comments? Adults or students?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/11/2023 10:19

AlmostAJillSandwich · 12/11/2023 04:19

Tie and top button, no big deal. But as the person buying her uniform, why are you buying her skirts that are so short? Or not pulling her up on it if she's rolling up a waistband to make a decent skirt shorter? It's not a good look and is a magnet for getting comments like this, and potential unwanted sexual attention.

No. Stop victim blaming.

If the school wants to pull her up on her uniform, then they will. If her mum wants to talk to her about how she dresses, that's between them.. Regardless of what she is wearing or whether it's a "good look", it is never acceptable for random strangers to post nasty comments about how a young girl is dressed on the Internet. And it is never acceptable to impose "unwanted sexual attention".

Describing what she is wearing as a "magnet" for bad behaviour is disgusting. People who want to make shitty comments or impose unwanted sexual attention on teenage girls will do it regardless of what she wears.

sunglassesonthetable · 12/11/2023 10:36

Tie and top button, no big deal. But as the person buying her uniform, why are you buying her skirts that are so short? Or not pulling her up on it if she's rolling up a waistband to make a decent skirt shorter? It's not a good look and is a magnet for getting comments like this, and potential unwanted sexual attention.

Oh please. fgs Anyone putting comments on a young person's pictures should be f**ing ashamed of themselves.

This school girl had been helping and contributing all evening at the event and people are banging on about the length of her skirt???!!!

The school were proud of her that's enough. They can tell her about the length of her skirt if they deem it relevant to anything.

OP contact the school ASAP. I am sure they will be horrified. They can remove comments and block any more. Personally I would not want photo taken down as your DD has NOTHING to be ashamed of. She sounds like a hard working, contributing member of the school.

I rolled my skirt up at school. So bloody what??

Tobacco · 12/11/2023 10:42

It's depressing that in 2023 there are still people that think a sixth former in a short skirt is immoral and deserving of being called "tarty" (someone on this thread) or slapper or slut. I'm 52 and my mum wore mini skirts in the 60s before I was born.

There used to be a fashion for boys to wear their trousers pulled low at the back so you could see their underwear. They were laughed at but no one was calling them slappers or saying they deserved to attract sexual attention. So bloody misogynistic.

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