Is this inappropriate or ok?

[WinkyTinky]

I've posted recently about the towel. This time it's inappropriate TV, or is it fine and I'm making a fuss over nothing?
Got home from visiting my brother, DH and kids were in the living room with a programme on pause about to start as DH was making a cup of tea - Inside The Undertakers. The kids would not have wanted this on at all. Not at all. I gave DH the glare as I could see he was about to press play and he said "alright alright, I won't put it on." And I walked away, quietly calling him a stupid man. Considering he'd effed off on another of his jaunts for the past couple of days, you'd think maybe he might want to have a nice night with the boys, fun things, normal stuff, but no. Let's watch a documentary about dead bodies and all the processes they go through in the mortuary. Am I BU here??
As a fun aside, went to the kitchen to find that he had tried to give our youngest a couple of part baked baguettes that he likes, which looked like they'd been in the oven for all of 30 seconds.... 🙄

5 year old maybe but 15 year olds? Or are 15 year old still-life meant to be watching Peppard pig

😂😂

You should leave. I've no idea what he's done as I've not read your other thread, but it doesn't matter. Leaving isn't something we can only do when a person has done enough that this ultimate sanction is justified. We can leave simply because its a better decision than to stay.
If you're at the stage where you hold him in this level of contempt, whether with justification or not, you'd be so much better apart. You so you don't have the daily frustration, he so he isn't living with someone who despises him. And your children so the don't grow up to take sides and either have no respect for the 'stupid man' who is their father, or pity him as the poor man who can do nothing right and blame you.

You've emotionally checked out of the marriage op.

Time to move on, I think.

Not to justify my actions or reactions, but years of acting as a single parent while he lives like a student has got me down.

I knew that this would be a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back just from your OP.

Sorry that the first people’s posts were arsey.

I know I have to put this to an end, mostly for the sake of the kids who are not blind to all of this. But I feel like I am constantly searching for justification in wanting him to leave, permission from internet strangers even.

It’s quite normal to seek some sort of permission, even though you don’t need it. You have the permission of everyone to leave this man. Stop letting him have an easy ride at life at the expense of your time and effort.

Poor sod having to put up with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with him and criticises everything he does! Just leave him! Or do you get off on being all high and mighty? If the kids are old enough to be left alone then they are also old enough to watch a documentary or choose not to!

But I feel like I am constantly searching for justification in wanting him to leave, permission from internet strangers even.

OP get a sheet of A4 paper. Draw a line down the middle lengthways. Title the whole paper 'My life if I leave him', then head the left hand column 'ways my life will be worse' and the right hand 'ways my life will be better'. When you can't think of anything to write on the left hand side but you need a second sheet of paper for the right, you'll see your justification and you'll give yourself permission to leave.

But you can add an extra comment to the list if you need it. 'Gym' says I can go. Go through the responses on this thread and your others and make a list of all the other poster who've said the same. Then take a deep breath and do it.

OP, just sit down with him and tell him you want a divorce. It doesn’t sound as though he brings anything positive to your life and marriage, so what is the point of it?

My husband as been liking a ladies post on insta. Mainly ones were she’s dressed up for a night out some cleavage ones and more recently a crotch one of her on holiday in a bikini. He sort of knows this lady as she was once married to his cousin. I have told him I’m not happy about the likes and feel disrespected. He thinks he’s done nothing wrong and said I’m insecure and blowing things out of context. Who’s right him or me.

I wouldn't be happy either. But then my DH never likes anything on social media. He doesn't even have insta. If your DH is a seriel 'liker' though, who likes everybody's photos, that would make a difference. So if he's mainly just liking this woman's photos, that would be a big red flag for me.

You need to think if your husband might have ADHD. Realising that mine did, and me accepting things changed the dynamics in our marriage

At 15 and 11 they are old enough to

1. Decide if they want to watch it
2. Remove themselves to their room if they don't want to watch it

Why do you need to rush home to the kids And as for they get bored they are old enough to entertain themselves in various ways You're not happy end of. And every little thing sets you off.

I think it’s out of order to call your partner stupid under your breath.

one of the big reasons I left my ex after nine years was because he kept calling me names under his breath.

it’s not acceptable behavior.

OP, my DH irritates the hell out of me quite frequently, but he would never, ever fuck off to Manchester without a word and expect to come home to an intact marriage. Honestly, I think you'd find life a great deal more pleasant without him, and it doesn't sound like his absence would be a big deal for the kids.

@WinkyTinky

Here's the thing. Just as mighty walls can be built from small stones, so can an emotional 'wall' be built between marriage partners out of many, many small incidences and stressors. And that wall can be just as dividing as if it was built from the boulders of massively huge incidences and stressors. And any wall, no matter what it's built from, is reason enough to end that marriage.

A thousand people can give you permission. But you only need one person's. The only 'permission' you need to leave your marriage is your own, because only you know if that 'wall' is high enough that it can no longer be bridged.

Don't stay where you are not happy. We only get one go round on this Earth. Don't waste yours.

Why tf are you still with him? You clearly don't like the bloke. Does he bring anything good?

It sounds like you have a bigger overall problem with your relationship. It’s easy for resentment to build up over a long time and, eventually, be ticked off about every small thing. Have you thought about relationship counselling?

@WinkyTinky
It sounds as though there is a lot going on in your life and your partner has become the easiest target. Surely, your sons are old enough to speak up if they are not interested in a particular show, and can probably heat a baguette to their satisfaction.

Sometimes you have to bring a level of peace with you rather than expecting it to be provided at your destination.

The situation with your brother has to be saddening and stressful, but the peace and resolution that you seek won't come from targeting your husband.

Maybe you can talk together about how your overall life load is stressing you at the moment and how it may be impacting your responses in all situations.

I can see why you’re so frustrated and stressed out. He needs to step up and you need time to yourself to relax and de-stress.

It's obviously about far, far more than his choice of TV program! He knows the15 year old is sensitive but chooses to put that particular program on over the hundred others he could choose from.
He's a selfish (shitty) arse!!
My husband would not bugger off anywhere without a conversation about the logistics of any time away. Who does this man actually think he is, never mind muttering under her breath about him, OP was far more restrained than I would have been under the circumstances!!
Find your indignant bloody anger OP and get rid of this looser (who can't even heat a part cooked baguette properly 🙄)

Not to comment on the whole debacle of you apparently not liking your husband at all, but you say the kids are old enough to be left at home alone, yet think a programme about undertakers is inappropriate. If they’re old enough to be left, they’re old enough to learn a little about real life.

I think people are missing the point about the tv show. Regardless of whether your children would be fine with the show, OP knows that her children enough to know that they wouldn't like it. Her DH either also knows that, and is being incredibly selfish, or is being such an emotionally absent parent that he doesn't know that his boys wouldn't be okay with that show. OP is having to parent her DH into being able to parent his own children. A baguette not properly cooked is a metaphor for how much effort he's putting into his parenting in general- his brain can't be arsed to do things properly, take proper care of those around him.

On the back of this thread I watched that programme as I like Stacey. But no, my 15yr old daughter would not have wanted to watch it. It deals with a child’s death too.

OP - this guy is a loser, and your life will be better without him in it

yabu about the documentary. I do think it's fine to watch things the kids might be bored by sometimes... and it's a documentary not a horror film
However it sounds like there are deeper issues at play regarding why this has annoyed you.
It sounds like you don't think he's invested enough in family life?
But it might be worth thinking that parents are allowed to parent A little differently to each other and at some point you've just got to let it go...
My husband loves our kids for example but he isn't great at really thinking thru child friendly activities and often he will take them out somewhere he's interested in that isn't really that child orientated... whereas if it were me I'd look online to see what places had and wether I thought the kids would like it etc...
It used to wind me up but I've just moved on honestly. He does spend time with them and it's just our ideas differ about how much children should be catered to.
I mean I do not know how much of a dickhead your husband really is...... but for me mine just has different ideas to me but essentially means we'll. So I stopped micromanaging his childcare. So the food he cooks isn't always as healthy as the food I would cook... so the kids have odd socks on... so he's taken them to a football match whereas I would've taken them to s specific kids thing. They are his children too and he does love them and they love him. We were raised very differently ourselves. From different class backgrounds etc.... I just look at the bigger picture. Do I want to waste my time being annoyed over lack of my ideals regarding childhood being upheld? No. As long as he is kind towards them and they are safe and basic needs met.. I don't get wound up about slight differences now. They can eat baked beans and chicken nuggets when he cooks and they can eat vegetarian moussaka with me. It doesn't matter

Maybe he's gone to Manchester for a break as you make it obvious how much he irritates you .