Is this inappropriate or ok?

[WinkyTinky]

I've posted recently about the towel. This time it's inappropriate TV, or is it fine and I'm making a fuss over nothing?
Got home from visiting my brother, DH and kids were in the living room with a programme on pause about to start as DH was making a cup of tea - Inside The Undertakers. The kids would not have wanted this on at all. Not at all. I gave DH the glare as I could see he was about to press play and he said "alright alright, I won't put it on." And I walked away, quietly calling him a stupid man. Considering he'd effed off on another of his jaunts for the past couple of days, you'd think maybe he might want to have a nice night with the boys, fun things, normal stuff, but no. Let's watch a documentary about dead bodies and all the processes they go through in the mortuary. Am I BU here??
As a fun aside, went to the kitchen to find that he had tried to give our youngest a couple of part baked baguettes that he likes, which looked like they'd been in the oven for all of 30 seconds.... 🙄

If he's not engaging with them it's no good. You either get him to sort that out or just accept the fact that you're a better parent than him.

Agree. Perhaps you'd be better apart for everyone's sake. You shouldn't be with someone you don't like and who makes you angry.

How old are your ‘children’?

If they are old enough to be left why on earth would he think you need to hurry back. I get you're stressed, but it seems like you're looking for issues.

If the kids are old enough to be left alone (8+?) then they can watch a documentary about undertakers.

If you hate your husband it's definitely time to separate though. What is he bringing to your life?

Is your DH the shit towel man or the poor bloke who was getting it in the ear for letting your DC see him in his towel after a shower?!
Complete overreaction on your part I'm afraid.

Sounds like you just don’t like him. Which may or may not be justified. Doesn’t really matter though, why carry on with someone you don’t like and find that irritating? 3 options:
Talk to him about what you need and how you feel and see what can change.
As long as he’s safe with DC accept his limitations and that things are ok but not perfect.
Decide you want something better and move on.

If i was your husband id be walking out the door.
He just cant do anything right can he.
Im sure you will have another post soon for something else he`s not doing right.
If it was him calling you names stopping you from watching something it would be up roar.
You clearly dont like him so let him go.

Obviously you have a lot going on and this is probably just the tip of the iceberg but they are his kids too and he gets to decide what they watch and what they, just as much as you do.

FWIW I do understand.
My dad puts on car crash shows when we I go around with the kids and I have to say shall we put on something a little less depressing!

I do think you need to separate from this man but I think you need a night or 2 away first to clear your mind and get a bit of space.
It is not fair that he’s living in an environment where he has to walk around on egg shells and not parent his kids the way he wants.

One of you is going to snap soon and you don’t want it getting to that stage.
Book a cheap travelodge or stay at a family members this weekend.

I read your previous post. Your husband sounds like the revolting shit he left on your towel. If you have got to the stage of writing a post about a TV programme choice, you know this relationship is dead ( excuse the pun )

He IS the shit towel man! 😱😱

Good memory!

I thought OP was overreacting and almost controlling.
I now have more sympathy for her.

This relationship needs to end.

Sounds like you're getting home and taking your shit out on your husband.

Sounds like you have a lot going on, with your brother etc and a useless husband.

I feel sorry for your children: your husband does the bare minimum for him, then you get home and start stressing out/stropping. What about them.in all of this?

I think you’re trying to split yourself too many ways and can’t rely on your DH to take responsibility when you’re not there. He really needs to parent his sons properly, learn what is appropriate TV and how to cook some basic meals. Or he moves out and looks after his kids 50/50 when he’ll have to do a lot more.

Whatever age the children are, it must be really grim to grow up thinking that a normal relationship is nothing but hatred and disdain.

Oh bloody hell, he's shit towel man!? Why on god earth have you not left him already, he literally left a shitty skid mark on your nice towel!!!!

In response to everyone, I totally see how some of the things I post here make me sound like a complete arse. I would think the same if I read this one for example.

Not to justify my actions or reactions, but years of acting as a single parent while he lives like a student has got me down. I can't sit on the sofa on an evening as he's sprawled out with his football podcasts on tv, then when I get to bed I can't sleep either with his snoring and bouncing around all night. It feels like mental torture. Yes I have spoken up about all of the issues we have had, and there are many, but he floats along as if he's completely unaware that there are any problems.

This particular incident is one molecule in one ice crystal at the very top of the iceberg.

I know I have to put this to an end, mostly for the sake of the kids who are not blind to all of this. But I feel like I am constantly searching for justification in wanting him to leave, permission from internet strangers even. I can't seem to get past it. I hate how I act around him, it is not me at all, and I just want peace and to be me again.

I promise, underneath it all, I am not an arse 🙏

Tbh, yeah, this. To me, it sounds like you've got one on you about your partner, so every little thing bothers you. On MN, I believe it's called 'the ick'. I hate the phrase, but you know what, sometimes it fits.

How old are your dc, mine would have loved watching something like this and found it fascinating.

Why are you still together?

Is it financial reasons or because of the kids?

Its not easy to end a relationship but this will never get better.
So you can do it sooner rather than later or wait a few more years and waste even more of your life.

We only get 1 life.
You don’t want to spend half that life being miserable.

I would make plans to end things after Xmas and make 2024 the year where you put yourself first.

We can help you as much as we can with advice about how you can end things and finances etc.
Many MNers have been through similar and will be able to point you in the right direction.

Are you going to post about every small thing your partner does that irritates you? What are we supposed to say to you? I can't get worked up about what someone watches on telly or whether they cooked a fucking part-baked baguette for long enough. You don't love him - in fact, you actively dislike him - so there is no advice or help anyone can give you except to tell you (again) to just leave him.

Oh and if any woman on here posted that their husband called them 'a stupid woman' over her choice of TV show and a slightly undercooked baguette, everyone would be (correctly) replying to say that he was an arsehole.

Your kids won't see any of his actions or inactions but glaring and calling him stupid - and whatever else is going on - will leave more than a lasting impression on them... Which will fall into one of two camps... Mum's an abusive evil bitch or better not upset mum so I'll tiptoe round her for the rest of my life.

Don't let this marriage turn you or your kids into that. End it. Before "abusive arsehole" becomes your entire personality.

But you've chosen to live with a man you hate, so that isn't going to happen. It's for you to make a decision on this and have some agency over your own life.

This particular incident is one molecule in one ice crystal at the very top of the iceberg this was obvious to me OP.

Leaving him is a huge step and a massive change. It will be bloody hard. But once all the hard and sad and scary parts are out the way, imagine the peace you will feel.

I remember your last thread and in all honesty your don't with this marriage your unhappy with your husband and your looking for ways out.

What you put in your OP in itself isn't a red flag! But you dislike him enough to start a thread about it. Your last thread you said you would be looking to leave and I think you should because you don't like him!

How old are your kids???