Is this inappropriate or ok?

[WinkyTinky]

I've posted recently about the towel. This time it's inappropriate TV, or is it fine and I'm making a fuss over nothing?
Got home from visiting my brother, DH and kids were in the living room with a programme on pause about to start as DH was making a cup of tea - Inside The Undertakers. The kids would not have wanted this on at all. Not at all. I gave DH the glare as I could see he was about to press play and he said "alright alright, I won't put it on." And I walked away, quietly calling him a stupid man. Considering he'd effed off on another of his jaunts for the past couple of days, you'd think maybe he might want to have a nice night with the boys, fun things, normal stuff, but no. Let's watch a documentary about dead bodies and all the processes they go through in the mortuary. Am I BU here??
As a fun aside, went to the kitchen to find that he had tried to give our youngest a couple of part baked baguettes that he likes, which looked like they'd been in the oven for all of 30 seconds.... 🙄

I think it depends on the age of your children and their mental state/sensitivities. It could potentially be quite educational. Agree with PPs that it sounds like you don't like your husband though.

I don’t know this programme, but one thing my ex would do, and probably still does, would put unsuitable programmes and films on with the kids if he was alone with them.

Because it was something he wants to watch, and he couldn’t bring himself to sit through something meant for kids.

I also think this is pretty rubbish.

It makes no sense that your kids are old enough to be left alone, yet not old enough to have an undertaker doc on? Surely, at that age if they think it’s not for them, they wander off and do something else?

I was watching TV just before that undertakes programme came on. There was a warning that it could upset some people. I thought I'm not watching that. So you are right it wasn't suitable. Fine. But then you went on to complain about his lack of cooking skills. Then you murmered he was stupid. Not good. I agree you are abusive.

I'm beginning to feel sorry for your husband. I appreciate you have a lot on your plate, but really, what's the issue with the undertaker's documentary? It's hardly a horror film. Muttering to yourself that he's stupid is so passive aggressive, I'm not surprised your relationship is in the gutter.

This is very true.

The kids probably have no idea he leaves shit all over the towels but they probably have heard you moaning about him using your towel.

They will see you as the monster.

If my dp touched my towel I would not be happy.

If he got shit on it - probably rub it in his face lol.

I agree that program is inappropriate really. I would like my kids going to bed feeling happy, not thinking about what happens when you die

You need to leave. You will become the mean grumpy mum and he'll be fun dad and that's just fucking unfair. He's wearing you down, turning you into someone else. Fuck him. Let him live his student life. Imaginehow peaceful your life could be!

@Itsnotchristmasyet This is the thing. It is very rare that I do react to the things he does, and when I do, the kids see my reaction and not the thing that caused the reaction in the first place. However, I do think they're very aware of his actions upsetting me. More often than not, the three of us end up sitting upstairs playing a game or chatting. I go up, they follow me. It's not that I'm actively taking them away from their dad, they seem to want to get away.

As for the age of the kids, they are 15 and 11 which of course is old enough for the programme I mentioned, but they are really sensitive (especially ds15 who has been having problems with anxiety) and would not have wanted to see it. Especially before bed. When it's just the three of us at home we have things on like The Chase, that's what they enjoy!

Anyway, I am tired of justifying myself. It's a much bigger story than just this.

Text just in from dh. Gone to Manchester. Could I ever just disappear unannounced time after time? No.

I say this kindly op, leave. Your contempt for him pours out your posts. You're not happy. Leave

OP you sound like you have a lot going on in your life and you're trying to please everyone which isn't possible without becoming stressed and upset. If you know deep down that you and your husband are not compatible anymore then perhaps it is time to move on as hard as that will be. If you feel that there is still hope there for your marriage to work then you need to both want that and both understand each other's needs. For you, it could be time out, time to see your friends, or undertake a hobby, time for you to relax and be you. Perhaps a sofa bed may help if you do feel that you want things to work out, so you get a goods night sleep, it doesn't have to be every night but sleep deprivation will not be helping you right now. Possibly a temporary break from each other, does your husband have family or a friend he could move in with, give yourselves a set amount of time to have that break away from each other to try to work out for yourselves how you feel, I know this may not be possible however. Life really is too short to be miserable and to be the one constantly doing everything. I wish you well and I hope you manage to sort things one way or the other.

this shit towel useless father and husband is just sailing through life like a single man

just look into leaving op the kids at their age can decide if and when thye want to see him

Does this help, OP?

@GarlicGrace Wow, that's a great effort you've gone to! it's given me a laugh. Thank you 😆

You have my permission.

I totally understand the permission thing but you have it now, from lots of people on here.

And in my opinion, no it isn’t appropriate for your kids to be watching the documentary. Life is difficult enough without watching horrific stuff on tv.

🙂 Keep it in your handbag!

Hi all, I’m completely new to this and thought I’d give it a shot!
im looking for advice as I don’t know how to react or what to think and do regarding my dad . My mum passed away to cancer 2 years ago and it was an awful 18month battle with it she had. She was my best friend and not just my mum she passed away at the age of 62 I’m 36 . My dad has always made the grief about him thinks it’s way worse losing his wife rather than seeing we’ve lost our mum fully aware of how close mine and my brothers relationship was with her. She collected Christmas ornaments (she had very good taste might I add) she told my dad it was to be shared between me and my brother along with other things. Moving forward my dad still hasn’t handed them over he only passes mums things that are either in the way or bit by bit. He went looking for a relationship only 16 months on and became this adventurous person taking his new partner and her 20+ year old daughters to places yet he complained when my mum wanted to go to the shops he took her no where. We did when we learned to drive . Then mums second Christmas gone he gave his new partner one of my mums decorations to add for her tree and then her daughters decorated his tree with my mum ornaments yet me and my brother still haven’t received anything. He won’t cook for me and kids like Christmas dinner he makes it clear the invite is only his new family and to add insult to injury my mums ashes are in the house and I’ve asked for them so I can keep hold of them and he says no . People I know think he is making sure I stay around because he knows with the way his attitude and everything is he knows I’d never come back. There’s so much more I could say but would take forever to explain in messages. He never asks about his grandkids nothing it’s just showing me photos of there days out and eating out in places. I honestly don’t know what to think is this normal ??? Thanks in advance

You'll need to start your own thread in the appropriate topic; this is someone else's thread.

Sorry but would be best to create your own thread for some advice.

Hey OP, if he is quite consistent in irritating you, including over fairly harmless stuff, I’d question if my relationship had run its course or if you need to reconnect somehow. I assume you’re already communicating with him well given you write about it on Mumsnet.

My child’s friend’s mother constantly moans about her DH and it is so, so boring and I wonder why they’re actually together. If my husband pisses me off, I explain the consequences and he tries to not do it again. Repeat. He can be very annoying but it’s not enough to write a post about it really. I still like him.

Yes. Or even find themselves in what sounds like a pretty unhappy relationship or marriage and think it’s okay to be called stupid.

So so sorry, still figuring out how to do it. Thanks

Is it possible to spend a week away å la Wife on Strike? Is there some kind soul who could put you up for a week and let you unwind a bit? IMHO ATM you are too stressed to think straight.

One of two things will then happen: either you will miss DH like crazy or you will never want to go back. That will tell you what to do. And a week away from your family will let you be yourself again.

The kids will be fine. If you can't trust DH then find them somewhere to go, but I think he needs to get his arse into gear. Failing that, change the locks while he's in Manchester and leave no forwarding address.

I think I'd respond to his 'gone to Manchester with 'oh dear, I'm almost in Edinburgh for a weekend with the girls, what you going to do about the kids' just to see his reaction

I know it’s not the point of the thread but at ages 11 and 15 the children should be able to walk away from the tv if they don’t like/are upset by what’s on. They should also be able to put a baguette in the oven themselves.