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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this inappropriate or ok?

129 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/11/2023 22:39

I've posted recently about the towel. This time it's inappropriate TV, or is it fine and I'm making a fuss over nothing?
Got home from visiting my brother, DH and kids were in the living room with a programme on pause about to start as DH was making a cup of tea - Inside The Undertakers. The kids would not have wanted this on at all. Not at all. I gave DH the glare as I could see he was about to press play and he said "alright alright, I won't put it on." And I walked away, quietly calling him a stupid man. Considering he'd effed off on another of his jaunts for the past couple of days, you'd think maybe he might want to have a nice night with the boys, fun things, normal stuff, but no. Let's watch a documentary about dead bodies and all the processes they go through in the mortuary. Am I BU here??
As a fun aside, went to the kitchen to find that he had tried to give our youngest a couple of part baked baguettes that he likes, which looked like they'd been in the oven for all of 30 seconds.... 🙄

OP posts:
Insuranceheadache · 10/11/2023 14:18

That show would be fine for an 11yo and 15yo- it doesn't show any dead bodies. It had some very sad bits but nothing inappropriate.

Sounds like you're not happy generally, OP, so maybe think about whether you should split.

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 14:20

I feel like I am constantly searching for justification in wanting him to leave, permission from internet strangers even.

Permission granted.

He brings nothing to your life but irritation.

If you split up, you’ll at least stop beating yourself up about being too unhappy to change.

Make a difference to your life. You deserve it. It’s not a crime to leave a relationship. Divorce is legal. And common - 50% of all marriages! You are allowed to be happier.

SurelySmartie · 10/11/2023 21:13

Living with someone really isn’t meant to be mental torture.

Jellycats4life · 10/11/2023 21:15

I watched the programme and found it much more upsetting than expected. It was also post-watershed, so automatically not suitable for kids.

BoredPangolin · 12/11/2023 10:47

Have you ever watched it? My kids enjoyed watching it from about 8/9 they actively asked to watch it, and it helped them massively last year when my Granddad died, they knew he would be treated respectfully and that he'd be looked after and spoken to as if he was still alive.

BoredPangolin · 12/11/2023 10:52

HowToSaveAWife · 10/11/2023 00:01

"I gave DH the glare as I could see he was about to press play and he said "alright alright, I won't put it on." And I walked away, quietly calling him a stupid man."

You gave him "The Glare" and then called him stupid, albeit quietly? Your DH might be a dolt but your reaction is abusive.

HTH.

This! If this was a man saying it about their wife Mumsnet would be uproar!

Lololulululululu · 12/11/2023 11:05

I can't fathom why people are being so nasty to you. I would also balk at that choice of TV with children present. Wonderful bonding times have been spent watching kids films and TV with mine. And as for the baguette, how clueless can one person be? No effort made whatsoever to try and get it right. Its not hard! It does irritate me when men act useless and generally its because they euther dont care enough to be bithered, ir they are doing it on purpose so youll see how useless they are and do it all yourself in future. Sorry you're dealing both with this ahle and these nasty bes on here too.

CowboyJoanna · 12/11/2023 11:46

YABU for policing your DH's telly time
If the kids don't want to watch it, they can go in another room and do something else

boong121 · 12/11/2023 11:46

If they are old enough to be left by themselves they are old enough to watch a program about udnertakers.

think you are being bit ott there op

ShortColdandGrey · 12/11/2023 11:51

@WinkyTinky, are you the poster that has the husband that disappears to gigs and let's ypu know once he is there? If so, you have been putting up with his shit for years and have been saying you were going to finish it. If not, you sound miserable in this relationship and need to split up for you and your children's sake.

DottyLottieLou · 12/11/2023 11:52

You have my permission to chuck him out. What's the point if him. Maybe wait until you feel stronger.

toomuchfaff · 12/11/2023 11:54

Reading through the thread, it sounds like you shouldn't be in this relationship anymore, you shouldn't be looking for excuse for HIM to leave, you also have the opportunity to leave, you also deserve to make the decision you are unhappy, you also have the right to take a slice of happiness yourself. Your external factors may be causing undue stress and making your scenario not happy but your relationship isn't a place of solitude, your husband isn't a rock of unwavering support, your not a team, you're not a partnership. Take the leap...

Kattiekat · 12/11/2023 12:04

You sound tired, unsupported and lonely (yes it is possible to live in a home with husband and children and still feel lonely).

the things you mention (tv, baguettes) aren’t that important in the grand scale of life individually but when you aren’t getting your other needs met, these small things become mountain.

you need to explain to your husband (if have already do it again) that you have a lot on emotionally with your mum and brother and then you need a bit more kindness from him. A hug, some uplifting.

perhaps he could do the shopping for you with the kids? Or tidy up the kitchen then you wouldn’t see the baguettes?

depending their age, explain to the children that mum I had a lot on and they need to help out abit.

I hope things improve for you soon. Take some time for yourself please.

Homewardbound2022 · 12/11/2023 12:09

This is gripping!
Must search for the towel thread...🙄

MrsSlocombesCat · 12/11/2023 12:13

YABU to still be with this man.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 12/11/2023 13:27

Rather than picking on every little thing he does and being horrible to him, even for innocent things, him. You clearly don’t like him. He may do crap things like the towel but you’re also doing crap things. It’s unhealthy for everyone.

CatMadam · 12/11/2023 13:51

For what it’s worth, this internet stranger gives you permission to leave! And he can take the towel he wiped his shit on with him!

MintyCedric · 12/11/2023 14:08

Its a Stacey Dooley documentary, not a horror film.

Depends on your opinion of Stacey Dooley.

Hibiscrubbed · 12/11/2023 14:56

Is your husband the weird and feckless cunt that vanishes to gigs for days on end?

The fuck is wrong with him??

And why on earth are you still putting up with it?!

Scalottia · 12/11/2023 15:02

How can we help you OP? Honestly why do people stay with partners that they don't like! Fuck me, it isn't rocket science.

jolaylasofia · 12/11/2023 15:10

your kids are old enough to be left alone in the house but not old enough to watch a stacey dooley documentary about undertakers? get a grip

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/11/2023 15:55

Death happens.

None of us get out of life alive.

TBH the sooner children find out that death is a natural part of existence the better. Nobody has to make a big thing about it, but to hide it away from them IS to make a big thing about it, and a thing to be feared. Why do you think it's inappropriate for them?

They may find it boring, in which case they can read a book or play a game or something, but it isn't inappropriate.

CowboyJoanna · 12/11/2023 15:58

DottyLottieLou · 12/11/2023 11:52

You have my permission to chuck him out. What's the point if him. Maybe wait until you feel stronger.

But he didn't do anything wrong?? Confused

SeatonCarew · 12/11/2023 15:59

@WinkyTinky you have a LOT to put up with, your thread about the towel the other day was awful. Please, give yourself the gift of Freedom this Christmas for 2024 and give you and your boys a happier life. You will get a lot of support on the Relationships thread to see it through.

Get yourself out of there, and it will be my absolute pleasure to buy you a set of the nicest, softest, most luxurious towels you can find. It would be my pleasure. 💕

Horatiosmum · 12/11/2023 16:07

My boys aged 5 and 8 were in the room when I watched the programme. My 8 year old asked lots of questions as he remembers his great grandad dying. He found the programme fascinating and we talked about what we would like when we die and about organ donation too. The 5 year old was not remotely bothered about the programme and was in and out playing. It was a very sensitive and well done documentary. I'm glad death amd the process won't be a shock to my children and that they understand what's involved as its part of everyone's life.