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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouldn’t my boyfriend worry about this? Does he not care?

82 replies

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 21:55

Been with my boyfriend for a year. We met on bumble.

I’ve been feeling a bit lonely as a lot of my friends have moved away. I decided to try bumble BFF but was sceptical and a bit embarrassed, so would only mention it to bf if it was successful or I met people on there.

I gave him my phone lastnight to sort cinema tickets and bumble came up on Siri suggested apps. He didn’t even flinch or mention anything.

I asked him later that I know he saw bumble and why he wasn’t bothered, he said “because I trust you”. He didn’t even know it had a friendship function on there. He said he trusts me and that maybe I downloaded it to reminisce on our old messages or something.

Is it just me who thinks if he cared, he’d worry a bit in the moment or at least ask? It’s not like it would be paranoia, it’s a flat out dating app on my phone right in front of him. No matter how much I trust him, I’d freak out a bit if I saw one on his phone. It was right there in plain sight.

Is this weird??

OP posts:
Original poster
PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 21:57

I’ll just say of course I don’t want him to worry, I didn’t intend on him to see it

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 09/11/2023 21:59

YABU it is weird. He trusts you.

Original poster
PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:01

But as far as he’s concerned, there’s hard evidence in front of him. And he thought I did it to reminisce our messages? Who does that? 😭

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 09/11/2023 22:03

It sounds like are overthinking it, and are worried that he is not overthinking it too.

TeaAndTattoos · 09/11/2023 22:04

YABU and really weird about it all he trusts you and you’re trying to make a bigger thing out of it than you really need to. Would you prefer it if he integrated you about it and went through your phone. I don’t really understand why you’re so upset over him trusting you. Sounds to me like you might have a guilty conscience about something.

Original poster
PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:05

I just find it odd he didn’t even mention it

OP posts:
Lemsipper · 09/11/2023 22:07

I think YABU by the fact that if you thought it looked dodgy you didn’t say “oh im on bumble bff” when it popped up.

stop playing games OP

TryTryTryAgainAgainAgain · 09/11/2023 22:08

Are you trying to sabotage your relationship?

BurbageBrook · 09/11/2023 22:11

YABU. It sounds like you are insecure and trying to make him jealous. His reaction is fine. He's just not a jealous type and trusts you, clearly.

MinnieL · 09/11/2023 22:11

You sound like someone who’s trying to play games tbh.

If I was on my partner’s phone and saw he had a dating app, I’d say ‘wtf is this’ but I’m very confrontational and I don’t shy away from an argument. Not everyone is like that and rightly so.

Maybe he saw it, wanted to gather his thoughts and come back to you once he knew what to say. Maybe he doesn’t think you ever deleted the app in the first place. Maybe, like he said, he just assumed you read back over old messages which a lot of people actually do.

You sound like a teenager who thinks that because their boyfriend didn’t wrongly assume something and kick off, that he doesn’t care about you. Just my opinion anyway

XenoBitch · 09/11/2023 22:11

What do you want him to do? Demand to see your Bumble activity, and have a huge row about it?
Some men are laid back and don't overthink this shit.... oh, and they are capable of trusting women.

HappiestSleeping · 09/11/2023 22:13

Perhaps he understands technology, and that there are any number of reasons that siri might suggest an app, and that it doesn't prove or mean anything. Maybe he is confident in himself and in your relationship such that it really didn't even feature in his consciousness that it should be an issue.

I agree with others. This is your issue, not his.

StarDolphins · 09/11/2023 22:17

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:01

But as far as he’s concerned, there’s hard evidence in front of him. And he thought I did it to reminisce our messages? Who does that? 😭

Someone me who is stable & trusting? He’s thought of a sensible & logical explanation.

I would much prefer someone like your DP to the alternative. Jealousy & insecurity are massive turn offs for me.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 09/11/2023 22:26

When it comes to overthinking OP you are in the Premiership.

Badgrief · 09/11/2023 22:37

People who are cheating are often very jealous of their partners. Your boyfriend trusts you because he is trustworthy

EtiennePalmiere · 09/11/2023 22:39

Would you prefer if he had broken down in a jealous rage ?

PunjabiGirl · 09/11/2023 22:40

So you're upset....he trusts you?

You sound like you're just wanting to make him jealous and are just playing mind games tbh.

BadLad · 09/11/2023 22:40

He didn’t overthink it and immediate start a panicked thread on the internet hoping to be told to LTB?

He obviously doesn’t read Mumsnet.

Ace56 · 09/11/2023 22:48

It is a bit weird yes. The only thing I can think of is that he assumed it was still on your phone from when you guys met, so wasn’t worried.

Are there other signs of him not seeming too bothered about you? If not I don’t think this is anything to worry about.

Twillow · 09/11/2023 22:50

It's not weird and if I were you I'd be more grateful that I'd found someone who wasn't insanely suspicious.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/11/2023 22:54

Ridiculous

2023usernameNew · 09/11/2023 22:56

It seems you find jealousy a sign of love and I don’t think that’s a healthy way of looking at things.

Cas112 · 09/11/2023 22:56

And if he had gone mad would there have been a thread on here about that?

Secondhalf · 09/11/2023 23:07

I don't get it. He knew you used bumble before from when you met. It's not that strange it's still on your phone, is it?

Some people are secure, not suspicious.
And some people just aren't very observant.
My friend notices everything, down to the type of socks worn by the people next to her in the supermarket queue. Me - I don't know what colour my next door neighbour's car is. No hope at all of the make or model. I've used my husband's phone loads of times. I have no idea what apps are on there, I never take any notice of them.

This is a non-issue OP.

creativegoblin · 09/11/2023 23:22

What a weirdo you are. Upset that BF doesn't accuse you of cheating when you download a dating app while in a relationship. Get a grip !

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