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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouldn’t my boyfriend worry about this? Does he not care?

82 replies

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 21:55

Been with my boyfriend for a year. We met on bumble.

I’ve been feeling a bit lonely as a lot of my friends have moved away. I decided to try bumble BFF but was sceptical and a bit embarrassed, so would only mention it to bf if it was successful or I met people on there.

I gave him my phone lastnight to sort cinema tickets and bumble came up on Siri suggested apps. He didn’t even flinch or mention anything.

I asked him later that I know he saw bumble and why he wasn’t bothered, he said “because I trust you”. He didn’t even know it had a friendship function on there. He said he trusts me and that maybe I downloaded it to reminisce on our old messages or something.

Is it just me who thinks if he cared, he’d worry a bit in the moment or at least ask? It’s not like it would be paranoia, it’s a flat out dating app on my phone right in front of him. No matter how much I trust him, I’d freak out a bit if I saw one on his phone. It was right there in plain sight.

Is this weird??

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 10/11/2023 05:12

Maybe you should mature first then come back and read this, please tell me you did not have a tantrum?

Igloolou · 10/11/2023 05:30

You really do not need to be in a relationship with a man who would get jealous or worried about something so trivial.
please raise your standards and give this guy a chance.

DreamTheMoors · 10/11/2023 05:41

Cas112 · 09/11/2023 22:56

And if he had gone mad would there have been a thread on here about that?

This wins the internet lol.

MayThe4th · 10/11/2023 05:42

From his perspective I would see the flaunting of a dating app in his face and then being upset he didn’t fly into a rage and accuse you of cheating as childish game playing, gaslighting even and I would get rid.

Grow up.

MayThe4th · 10/11/2023 05:43

And bumble BFF? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nobody actually believes that a dating app has a successful friendship function do they?

CJsGoldfish · 10/11/2023 06:58

Do these kind of immature games usually work for you OP?

Saverage · 10/11/2023 07:07

MayThe4th · 10/11/2023 05:43

And bumble BFF? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nobody actually believes that a dating app has a successful friendship function do they?

I've used BFF successfully for friendship, it's pretty good.

Muchof · 10/11/2023 07:36

EtiennePalmiere · 09/11/2023 22:39

Would you prefer if he had broken down in a jealous rage ?

I think so. 🙄

FinallyHere · 10/11/2023 08:03

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:05

I just find it odd he didn’t even mention it

Why are you looking for drama about this?

A partner who trusts you is the holy grail of relationships.

What have you learned in life that makes you think this indicated indifference rather than deep abiding love and trust?

It would be really, really helpful for you to get clear about why you think like this. Find someone to talk to. It will make you life so much better.

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 10/11/2023 08:31

MayThe4th · 10/11/2023 05:43

And bumble BFF? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nobody actually believes that a dating app has a successful friendship function do they?

It’s actually really good. Maybe you should look into how it works before you mock.

sparklefresh · 10/11/2023 08:36

YABU. Stop looking for problems where there are none FFS.

Deathbyfluffy · 10/11/2023 08:40

Horriblewoman · 10/11/2023 00:33

You shouldn’t be in a relationship.

set him free for someone who trusts him.

This.
Of all the batshit things I’ve read today, I’ve found number 1 at 8:30am! 😅

Men can’t win - we get told we’re jealous where we’re suspicious, and when we’re not, we’re told we don’t care.

Poor bloke.

Deathbyfluffy · 10/11/2023 08:41

MayThe4th · 10/11/2023 05:43

And bumble BFF? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nobody actually believes that a dating app has a successful friendship function do they?

Congratulations on knowing absolutely zero on the topic at hand 🎯

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 10/11/2023 08:51

It seems your need for drama is not being met. Don't worry, there are plenty of regular posters on mumsnet who can give you advice on maintaining a really unhealthy relationship.

Bobbotgegrinch · 10/11/2023 08:54

I wouldn't have said anything either. I trust my partner, so I don't believe she would cheat, and I'll continue believing that until she proves me wrong.

Performative jealousy over a mobile notification isn't likely to change anything, so why bother?

KrisAkabusi · 10/11/2023 08:57

You're mental. Your setting impossible traps for him to fall into and games he can't win.

Toottooot · 10/11/2023 09:00

So are you cheating on him - are you annoyed because he really should have reason to not trust you?

Jl2014 · 10/11/2023 09:00

Your view of relationships sounds very unhealthy. It’s good that he trusts you and is not jealous. Why wouldn’t you want to be in a trusting relationship. This is f*ed up.

MermaidEyes · 10/11/2023 09:01

If this is real, OP isn't coming back. Probably gone off to create some more drama.

AngelAurora · 10/11/2023 09:02

Sounds like you want him to be jealous, don't play games OP, you will end up hurt.

Penguinmouse · 10/11/2023 09:05

It sounds like you’re trying to find a fight. Let it go, he trusts you.

JanglingJack · 10/11/2023 09:06

Keep pushing, keep hoping for negative scenarios, keep looking for a reason...

And I'm sure he'll happily leave you 😁

SurelySmartie · 10/11/2023 09:10

He’s reacted like a secure, mentally healthy person would react. You don’t sound ready for a relationship.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/11/2023 09:13

He trust you. Cherish that.

Good grief, sometimes people just can’t get it right, can they? Would you rather a suspicious, jealous partner?

glassconcreteandstone · 10/11/2023 09:15

Deathbyfluffy · 10/11/2023 08:40

This.
Of all the batshit things I’ve read today, I’ve found number 1 at 8:30am! 😅

Men can’t win - we get told we’re jealous where we’re suspicious, and when we’re not, we’re told we don’t care.

Poor bloke.

Show quote history

🙄🙄 obviously OP is being OTT but no need to snide in an 'US POOR MENZ WE CAN'T WIN!' comment!