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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouldn’t my boyfriend worry about this? Does he not care?

82 replies

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 21:55

Been with my boyfriend for a year. We met on bumble.

I’ve been feeling a bit lonely as a lot of my friends have moved away. I decided to try bumble BFF but was sceptical and a bit embarrassed, so would only mention it to bf if it was successful or I met people on there.

I gave him my phone lastnight to sort cinema tickets and bumble came up on Siri suggested apps. He didn’t even flinch or mention anything.

I asked him later that I know he saw bumble and why he wasn’t bothered, he said “because I trust you”. He didn’t even know it had a friendship function on there. He said he trusts me and that maybe I downloaded it to reminisce on our old messages or something.

Is it just me who thinks if he cared, he’d worry a bit in the moment or at least ask? It’s not like it would be paranoia, it’s a flat out dating app on my phone right in front of him. No matter how much I trust him, I’d freak out a bit if I saw one on his phone. It was right there in plain sight.

Is this weird??

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 23:24

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:01

But as far as he’s concerned, there’s hard evidence in front of him. And he thought I did it to reminisce our messages? Who does that? 😭

I do that

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 09/11/2023 23:26

creativegoblin · 09/11/2023 23:22

What a weirdo you are. Upset that BF doesn't accuse you of cheating when you download a dating app while in a relationship. Get a grip !

This. Stop being such a drama llama

Lavender14 · 09/11/2023 23:28

Welcome to a healthy relationship op.

TheCatterall · 09/11/2023 23:39

Yeah sounds awful @PotLuck3

didnt kick off. Trusts you. Hasn’t raged.

definitely dump him and get back on bumble?..

so basically he’s a mature adult who doesn’t play games and flip at the slightest thing and trusts you?

PunjabiGirl · 09/11/2023 23:41

If he'd gone into a jealous huff you'd be posting on here about him being controlling.

Tiepolo · 09/11/2023 23:47

And you’d have been way happier with him throwing a jealous tantrum like an opera villain? Grow up.

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 10/11/2023 00:19

PotLuck3 · 09/11/2023 22:01

But as far as he’s concerned, there’s hard evidence in front of him. And he thought I did it to reminisce our messages? Who does that? 😭

It's really not 'hard evidence'. Hard evidence is watching you snog another bloke or reading sexts on your phone not sent to him. He's just not a suspicious, paranoid, controlling jerk. Shame for him that he's dating such a mindfuck who wants to play games rather than have a healthy relationship.

thecatinthetwat · 10/11/2023 00:22

If I saw bumble on my husband’s phone, I’d just assume there was a reason. It wouldn’t worry me at all. I think this is a you problem, sorry.

he trusts you and feels secure - that’s a good thing.

Fionaville · 10/11/2023 00:29

After a year together, my (now) DH would have had the same reaction I think. We've never shown any jealousy or suspicion towards the other in the 20 odd years we've been together, because we have a loving, trusting relationship. He trusts you. You should trust him enough to tell him that you are looking for a friend.

rubydoobydoo · 10/11/2023 00:29

You're uncomfortable with the fact that he trusts you and would rather he be jealous?
Please finish this relationship. Poor bloke.

Horriblewoman · 10/11/2023 00:33

You shouldn’t be in a relationship.

set him free for someone who trusts him.

WhatWhereWho · 10/11/2023 00:36

Please finish the relationship. You are not mature enough to be in one.

HowToSaveAWife · 10/11/2023 00:44

Please dump him...so someone else can appreciate his sensibility and trust.

Do you normally go looking for drama or any attempt to sabotage yourself? Get a grip.

saraclara · 10/11/2023 00:48

Didn't Bumble start out as a friendship connection site? That's all I know it as, so if I'd seen that someone had the app, I'd assume that they were looking for friendship, not a hookup..

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 10/11/2023 00:48

Sounds like a nice problem to have, I’ll take him if you don’t want him 🥲

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/11/2023 00:50

Lemsipper · 09/11/2023 22:07

I think YABU by the fact that if you thought it looked dodgy you didn’t say “oh im on bumble bff” when it popped up.

stop playing games OP

I agree stop playing games. He trusts you, thats a good thing, he shouldn't need to feel jealous for you to believe he cares for you. I wouldn't have taken any notice of this in the same situation when things were good with stbxh. Not split because of cheating. You either trust someone or you don't.

XelaM · 10/11/2023 00:54

You're the weird one here 🤨Why are you playing games with a guy who seems to be normal and trusting?

Wingedharpy · 10/11/2023 01:02

2023usernameNew · 09/11/2023 22:56

It seems you find jealousy a sign of love and I don’t think that’s a healthy way of looking at things.

This👆

Coyoacan · 10/11/2023 03:46

You are confusing jealousy with love, whereas trust is real love and living with a jealous partner is hell

Autiebibliophile · 10/11/2023 04:01

He didn't mention it because he's secure and he trusts you. Thats healthy. Jealousy does not equal love/caring. If he had any concerns he would have asked.

TheHawkisHowling · 10/11/2023 04:12

Eh? I wouldn't think anything of my partner having a dating app on their phone. I'd assume they forgot to uninstall it.

What's the point of dating someone you don't trust?

HoppingPavlova · 10/11/2023 04:40

Honestly, you sound like an immature person, who plays games and thrives on drama. We would be well placed to run from this and not look back.

HoppingPavlova · 10/11/2023 04:40

*He would be, not we, meaning your boyfriend.

Gillypie23 · 10/11/2023 04:55

You've got a problem because your boyfriend trusts you. You're the problem.

DisruptiveCumin · 10/11/2023 05:04

And he thought I did it to reminisce our messages? Who does that? 😭

Well, I certainly did it more than once 😅I have a habit of uninstalling the app then installing it back to either look through old messages and see if there were any indications of red flags that I clearly see now, and with my current bf I did it to screenshot our early messages and add them to his birthday smartshow 3d video 😂

YABU, sorry. He trusts you, you have no reason to actively sabotage that. Everything is fine.